Truth/Trust

Xmichra Answers

This was sent to Aunt Babz via email...

Dear Aunt B,

Hi, my name is Ashley. I'm in a bit of a pickle. see I have been with this guy for almost 3 years ( on and off) and while we were on an "off" stage I cheated on him with one of his friends, not a close one, but still it was one of his friends. We swore never to tell, but in the town we live in everyone knows everything, so we just denied it. I feel terrible about what i have done, but i dont want to tell my boyfriend because im afraid of losing him. the other guy and i havent talked since the whole thing happened, he played me, and i knew he was going to but i let the temptations get the best of me. im not sure if i should tell him and take the chance of losing my boyfriend/best friend. or if i should just keep denying it?

thanks for your help.

Dear Friend,

You are in quite the pickle. The thing that you did wrong here wasn’t in having sex with another person (you guys were broken up, so don’t call that cheating). It was that once all the cards were thrown on the table, you denied it.

So really there is the pickle. To confess or not to confess. Well. This is not going to be easy.

The thing of this situation is, your boyfriend is going to find out. How do I know that? Well he already ‘knows’ to some degree and when that is hanging over your head people can tell. He will likely not stop wondering and asking until he is satisfied with the truth. If you have been played by the other guy.. well he just might tell his friend one night while drinking, having coffee, or just for spite. Men are strange that way, wanting to tell each other of their conquests (I am laughing at this statement because it is more an elaboration then the truth.. but some guys just like to brag.) . But regardless, the thought it in your boyfriends head and that is damaging.

So you can continue to lie, and see if you can prolong the agony. But I think in your case I would just tell him. Why? Because if you love him and you want him to trust you again you are going to have to come clean. I am fairly certain that he will not trust you ever again if you don’t tell him… because in the back of his head you not only slept with his friend, but you lied about it. Makes no matter if that is the truth, it is to him. But if you admit to what you have done there might be hope. Another thing to keep in mind is that your relationship will suffer if you have this enormous guilt in you and you keep lying. Those sorts of things always come out, and never in a good way. Your conscious will get the better of you. There is still the chance that he might break things off, but if you are truthful at least you have a shot.