Playing With Fire

by SidellSez

Dear Aunt Babz,

So there is this girl. This girl I care for a lot, and like her a lot. She like me too. Simple right? Not. My close friend likes her too. And guess what, she's also admitted to liking him. We've both hooked up with her. We both know this, but its almost taboo to talk about with each other. I mean we have before, but never came to any conclusion. She eventually told us she didn't want to pick, but be friends with both of us. We'll that didn't last long, and we are both pursuing her again. What should I do. And please don't say that I shouldn't anymore, cause she is playing us. I've realized that one. Im just confused and need an alternative!

Thanks,

Lost and Confused
Dear Lost and Confused,

I am not sure what to say, since you already know the problem and the solution but choose not to take it. So. Best I can do is offering you a bit of advice about your current actions.

You know that you are playing with fire, and someone is going to get burned. But the fire is fun and exciting, which makes it hard to stop. I get that... been there. But you need to sit down with your friend and talk even if it is taboo. You may think that these things won’t come between you two (because you figured it out before) but they will.

This girl is trouble for you two, and you need to sort out what is going to happen between the two of you and set some friendship ground rules, that’s for sure.
You know that no good can come of this, pursuing this girl from the both of you, so now you just need to do damage control since neither of you are willing to give it up and neither is she.

Wish I had better advice for you, but your gut instinct is right on this one.. you just need to have the courage to listen to it.

Good luck,


~Xmichra

Dear Lost and Confused,
Thank you for contacting Sidell Sez,
You are writing to me about a girl that both you and your friend like a lot. You wonder what you can do to find out about who she most cares for, you or your friend. My advice to you is that you need to take your time and as time passes, what she feels for you will be revealed. When you know how much she cares for either you or your friend, you will be in a better position to make a decision in regards to what you can do! So, for now, I advise you to take it easy and enjoy being friends.

I hope this helps!

Thank you for contacting,

SidellSez!

Woo Her

Dear Aunt Babz,

I'm kinda new to this whole "anonymous advice" thing but I need some help. I really like this girl I'm kinda close friends with. She knows I like her but I'm not really getting a response from her. Some of my friends are close with her and they said she wants me to try harder to impress her. I know that sounds a little mean but she's really a nice girl. If you know how I can win her over please help me out! If it helps I'm 15 and in high school so I can't buy her expensive jewelry or anything (minimum wage only goes so far!)


Dear Reader,

Well Darlin', it sounds like she wants you to win and woo her. There's nothing wrong with this and I suppose she has standards set for herself. Not a bad thing. I thought these six steps were interesting, not the/your answer so much but noteworthy.

Once you get in, those six steps might help but we need to find a way to make her notice you, right? There were a few memorable things, that made me think, one of which was a card that said some of the things that I think he couldn't. But it was the few words he put in the card that made the impact on me;

"You make me smile. Your smile, your laughter, the way you walk, the way you talk, it all speaks to my heart. You are beautiful beyond the words of a simple card. Did you know this?"

See, all these years later, I still remember the words from that card. It wasn't even an expensive card but I could tell he'd taken the time and put forth the effort to pick it out.

I think it's the little things, the words that ring, steadfast that are memorable. Most guys do not divulge or expose their hearts very easily, especially spoken words. So, you use cards and letters, a note here, a card there.

In these cards, which will not break your pocket, you speak the truth, you speak what your heart says. You don't have to do all the mushy bullshit, you know too candy sweet-n-sticky, especially crap you don't feel. But you tell her what it is that makes you notice her out of all the girls in your world.

When you see her, you wink and allow your heart, your body language to speak to hers. It's very real if you happen to notice it and are aware of it's capability. No, you'd better not need expensive jewelry to get this girl. If that were the case, why would you wanna date a chick that has to have that sort of thing to know how you feel?

Sure it's nice to receive a Promise Ring (we used to call it going steady) at the exact and perfect moment in time but you are not there yet, right? And if the time comes where you feel you want to express how you feel, you start saving, you know $5 here, $10 there and put some cash away.

You sound like a truly nice guy and I hope you win the babe. Forget about those "Trophy Chicks." Yea, they look good on your arm but they know it and it's a constant worry. You'll have to let me know, ok? Oh and by the way, remember; If you play, you might pay, meaning if and when...where a condom. Please???

Keeping It Real,

Aunt Babz

Hey There,

If you are trying to win her over the first thing you should do is try to talk to her. Try to get her to sit down with you at lunch or before school or after school and if she talks to you just share how you feel and how you would like to hang out with her more . Another thing you can do is find out where her locker is and stick a little note in there saying maybe something like, " Hi, just thinking about you," or anything you want to that will catch her eye . If you have classes with her just slip it in her book . If you know were she lives go up to her house and ask to talk and maybe if you have a little money, possibly you could go buy a single rose . That's usually like $3 dollars at the very most . That's what I think you should do ... just make sure to be yourself.

I'm Listening,

Lucus

"Even the most brilliant minds, may have troubled Souls"

Life Is What You Make It

Dear Aunt B,

I was looking for a great relationship advice column and I stumbled upon yours! I hope that you can help me with my situation:

First, I will give you some background info (kinda long) but the end is what I need help on, so please help if you can!!

*************************

I dated a guy for years who I thought was my soulmate. He was older than me and had already graduated from college-I on the other hand, was still in college at the time and I was juggling work, relationship, and education-it was rough! My guy was emotionally-high maintenance, and when I tried to sacrifice and give attention-it was never enough! Needless to say, my guy cheated on me and we broke up. During this breakup we were still friends and he was close with my family. For some reason, there was discord between us and we began to talk less and less. for a whole month, he was acting distant from me and we never talked as much!

When I saw my ex again the following month, he was acting really weird. He acted like he wanted to tell me something, but he never could. After our meeting, I never saw him again. When I was online speaking to a friend, she revealed to me that my ex had gotten married! he didn't even tell me (he would drop little hints or speak indirectly, but I didn't think he was serious!!) He claimed that he wanted to wait until I "met the one" to tell me (like this would soften the blow!) To make a long story short, I told him never to talk to me again (I was speaking to him every now and then, hoping a friendship could be rekindled) He even told me in an indirect way, that he was having a child! All this time he would never just come out and say, "I'm married". He still kept in touch with my family claiming he was "sorry for everything"and that he "really needed to talk to me."

Well, for a whole year my ex was keeping in touch with my family but not with me (of course since I told him to not keep in touch). It bothered me that he was asking about me all the time, like "have I met the one yet?" and when was I graduating? I eventually wrote him and told him to not keep in touch with my family anymore because it wasn't fair to him or his wife. When I told him everything was cool between us and even asked him on advice about a man (I thought he had moved on), he wouldn't respond back to me. I even encouraged him and wished him well luck and told him that "I forgave him" but he still hasn't contacted me. Aunt B, if he wanted to talk to me so bad, why hasn't he? I tried to open up avenues of communication so that he could get whatever it was off of his chest-what's up? Why is he acting so weird and distant?

(the weird thing is: I saw his parents one time (I hadn't seen them for years) and they were acting REALLY excited to see me-hunh? Even his ex girlfriend out the blue came to me with some information (and we were arch enemies!) what's going on. Please help!

Thanks and God Bless

Sincerely,

Extremely Confused

Dear Extremely Confused,

It sounds to me like you both still care for each other, huh? I have to wonder, why you would wonder why he hasn't contacted you, when you clearly told him not to? That's a mouth full but you may have to dig deep and see what it is that keeps you holding on.

I do imagine the norm, in most relationships would dictate that when you break up and you can't be amicable, you go your separate ways, right? Point to ponder.

I've told my children that upon my death, I wanted the words, "She was a walking contradiction," on my tombstone. It sums me up to the "T" a truth I embrace. I say this only so you may also look in the mirror and see the truth and the fact that you are also a contradiction.Having said this, I hope you will really take a look at this whole affair.

It's obvious to me that you both cared deeply for each other. It's also obvious that, in short, it was too painful to completely break things off and go "cold turkey." Yes, you both went your separate ways but I have to believe that it's not really what either of you wanted. So, what stood in the way? What kept you from either getting back together or severing the ties that bind?

Yes, I read your letter that he fooled around on you. Of course that's enough to cause a break-up. Did he try to get you back but you would have nothing to do with it? I think I'd be so hurt if my guy had fooled around, so I can only imagine.

But it's quite clear to me, that when he did what he did, he was sorry. Could you not forgive him at that time?It's also clear to me that he did not want to sever the ties. If he did want to, he'd not have stayed in contact with your family.

Life is far too short, isn't it? In a blink of an eye, it can all be over, altered and changed. Life is what you make it.

I don't know how far you've come and gone, nor do I know what you've said, concerning this relationship. In the event that you've not been honest with your feelings and emotions, it's high time to state how you really feel, get honest with yourself and if possible; forgive and forget.

Each new day that comes and goes is empty, aren't they? I think deep down inside, it hurt you again that he did exactly what you told him to do. Yes, verbatim you said;
"To make a long story short, I told him never to talk to me again (I was speaking to him every now and then, hoping a friendship could be rekindled)"

It may be too late, I don't know? The prospect of the unknown should not stop you. Allow nothing to stop you. As I said, life is too short and I usually add, "for the dumb shit." Pursue your happiness and your soulmate. You have the power to change your history. So, change it...

Ah Divine Destiny!

Keeping It Real,

Aunt Babz

Set Up From the Get Up

Dear Aunt Babz,

Hi Aunt B,

I really need advice from someone that isn't my friend, or have no interests in the middle.

MY boyfriend and I have been together officially 2 months now. We live an hour away from each other.
We used to be on the phone/webcam for hours on the weekend, and I never felt alone I felt like he was with me, even with the distance.

About a month ago, he started decreasing the attention, and now only calls once a day, at night. Sometimes I'm already asleep cause he calls really late and I work. He tells me, he doesn't call earlier because he is with his friends, and I have in the past got upset about him not paying enough attention.

So he always have a million excuses because some nights he doesn't call. The distance is an issue because he could be lying and I wouldn't even know.

So basically, how do I deal with this? How can I get him to be the way he used to be? to pay me more attention and appreciate more? I just need more love. He is 18 and I'm 24.
What is more important play videogames with his friends or her girlfriend? Is like I have to wait until he feels like talking!

I've tried to talk to him about it both peacefully and acting upset. None works, he always says: there you go again

Pleaseeee help.

Dear K,

Long distance relationships are always hard to maintain, no matter what the age. But the younger the guy, the harder it is to keep their attention. As well, you can not ever make them have the emotions you want them to have, no matter how much you complain about it. It's either there or it's not.

It's entirely possible that he has become distant because of the distance. Now, while it's not fair to you, considering that you are in an established relationship, I think it's time to shift gears and look at the entire situation.

It may not seem like a lot of difference in your age but there actually is, if only the level of maturity. If he's basically just turned 18, he's probably feeling his oats, meaning for the first time, he really doesn't have to answer to Mom & Dad. Unfortunately, he may also view the commitment between the two of you as answering in a similar fashion. He may be a bit resentful.

At the same time, I feel he's a loyal guy who cares greatly about you. But quite honestly, he may not be ready to stand by that commitment in the same way you are. There's the difference in age coming into play. You are at the age, where you're probably thinking on a more serious level, you are more apt to take things seriously, especially your love interest.

At the prime age of 18, most guys know they have their whole lives ahead of them and they act accordingly. Yes, that's kind of a rough year, a proving ground where they still care what their best buds think and do and for the most part, most of those guys are into the single life, one without commitment.

Now, I don't say all this to discourage you. On one hand, you must see that he cares deeply for you. I mean really, I don't think he'd bother to even call if he didn't have feelings for you. But again, you can not make them have feelings they don't have, i.e. a need to talk on the phone, which is another form of commitment, believe it or not.

Really, there's only a couple things you can do. You might talk to him about this "commitment" and what it means to you. You also might ask him what that means to him? Remember, he's an 18 year old guy and some may get offended by this but at that age, they've not been trained as to how, what, where, the ins and outs of a wholesome relationship. This actually comes from a partner who teaches them what is actually expected of them. Some/most are not born knowing all these emotions and so forth. It is normally a woman who takes them by the hand and walks them down that path of understanding.

The other thing you can do is come to the realization that this may not be an ideal plan and situation. I can not reiterate enough that you can not make him have emotions he just does not have. All the nagging in the world will only garner resentment. Now, talking to him and stating your needs in the relationship, is a horse of a different colour. I do have the feeling that you've already done this?

The calls will get fewer and fewer if he feels he's going to catch hell because he calls you late and so on. Either talk to him, giving him the option of walking away unscathed or concede that this is all you will get; a call when he's in the mood, done gaming, done with his pals and so on.

I think explaining to him what you need in this relationship and actually what you have a right to have and asking him if he is willing to go the distance, is all you have. It's a set up from the get up, my friend and I actually feel for you. I understand that you want things to work but you must see how much is going against you here.

You've been together, a mere two months, although I know when you're in love that feels like a long time. I guess what I'm saying is speak to him, lay your cards on the table expressing what you need from this relationship and simply ask him to make a decision that is fair to you both; To commit or not to commit, that is the question?

GO FOR IT!

Hi Aunt B

I have never used a site like this before or even advice columns in the past.

I am English but live in Europe (3 hour flight).
I met a guy a couple of years ago through mutual friends.
During the first year he came to visit his friends quite often
And we always had a good time
During the second year he didnt come to visit but we kept in touch via email
I have just returned from a holiday in the UK
Where I had a night out with this bloke
We had a fantastic time and he said he would come to visit soon
I have been humming & haing over returning to England for several months
I feel I should make this decision for myself regardless of what may or may not happen with this guy
But should I discuss it with him before hand?
I would like to see more of him if I did return to England
But have no idea if he feels the same way
Is it acceptable to just ask where I stand with him?
Should I hang fire until he visits and discuss this in person?
I am so confused right now I feel like a teenager again (im in my 30's)
Any advice gratefully received.

Dear Reader,

I don’t think there is ever a problem asking where you stand with someone. So I don’t see why you should have to wait. What ever is said in person would be said in e-mail. But that is entirely up to you on how you would prefer to receive a message (and your Bloke too). So use your better judgment on that.

Maybe with that you would be able to better reason if you should move. I am pretty sure that anyone reading this is going to be shocked that I am not telling you to not move. But in all reality, if you are comfortable in England, can get a job, a place to live, and have a support system… why the hell not? I mean, most of us move around with our spouses anyways. And generally speaking it is relatively soon after marriage. So who’s to say that it wouldn’t work out for you? Not me. I think that if you really want to try for something to go for it.

If this were a great life-changing job I would scream GO FOR IT! So why not a chance at once in a life time love?

You are right though, what ever decision you make you need to think of the down side just a tad. So you do need to make sure you can support yourself, and that you can be happy without Europe beneath your feet. Some people get really sad and home sick for a place, even if it isn’t their origin. Simply living in a different place and loving it can make you feel more at home then anywhere else in the world. So if that is the case you may be taking a he risk, which could affect how you feel about your life, with or without the bloke in it.

So be sure to weigh your thoughts and feelings. But If you think that “moving for a guy” is stupid, don’t. You have only chances to take in this life, and sometimes the best and most wonderful things in life come from acting on a chance that seems so foolish.

Good luck girl, and let us know what you decided okay?

~Xmichra~

Aunt Babz Said,

I had to add my two cents and as well, give my opinion. One side of me used to be old school, where we sit and wait for the man to call or ask us out and so on but I also believe that the world's good is done because of strong women. I agree with Xmichra. Join the ranks and Go For It! I will welcome you to the Secret Society of Assertive Women. Yes, we get what we want, in an assertive manner. We get what we need; honestly, fairly and justly without digging our stiletto into everybody's toes. (But we sure can if provoked, right???)

It stands to reason that this fella is not a mind reader nor can you read his mind, right? So asking him is reasonable but I imagine it is all in the way you go about asking. No, you don't want to seem too forward or presumptuous, nor do you want to make him feel the heat or feel hemmed in.

I happen to believe in the art of words. I believe we should, by all means, say what needs to be said, often times before it is too late. The world will/would be a better place if we said what needs to be said, to the ones we love, care about and are even considering as a life partner. Don't you agree?

Now, in order for you to be able to live by this creed, you must have the ability to put things into perspective. By this, I mean, you must first think before you speak, always. This is important as your words will be valuable if you think first, weigh your thoughts and then speak.

Then, you must be able to play the tape out, in your head from beginning to end, meaning, if you ask a question, just like any good attorney, you'll want to know what you believe the answer will be. As well, you'll want to know, any other form of a possible/plausible answer. What I'm tying to say is rather simple; if you are asking a risky question, one which takes heart, courage to ask, you know the kind where you're going out on a limb, similar to the one you want an answer to with this guy. You care so much about him, obviously and you'll want to have played that tape out with all the possible answers you might get. Yes, it could be a multitude of answers and you must prepare yourself for each and every one, every explanation you may get. This keeps you from setting yourself up for failure, see? It's only going to feel like failure if you get an answer you'd not already anticipated. As well, it might sting if you get an answer you didn't expect or rehearse in your mind ahead of time. Capish???

See, in life, if we are brutally honest with ourselves, you know, we see ourselves for who we really are, good and bad and we live within the confines of Personal Accountability, life, all elements thereof change. This means we admit when and where we are wrong and we do our best to make amends, right a that wrong and we do our damnedest to live a righteous life, we become "Untouchable." Now Aunt Babz, what does that mean?

To be Untouchable means that you take the sting out of words meant to harm you. Who or what words can possibly hurt you, if you've already confronted your own shortcomings? You also control the skeletons in your closet. Yes, if you live your life honestly, even past mistakes can't hurt, if brought up. By the way, mistakes are only mistakes, if we've not learned from them. When we have "lived and learned" they are no longer mistakes but learning experiences. There is a huge difference.

When you are Keeping It Real, words I close every post with, we will welcome you into that Secret Society of Assertive Women.

Keeping It Real,

Aunt Babz

A No Strings Heartache

Dear Aunt B,

Recently i have just broken up with my boyfriend of 7 months.Now, 2 months later, i find myself hooking up with him every weekend. My friend who is really good friends with my ex talked to him about this and he says he still really loves me he just didnt like it when we were going out and i dont know why. i dont think i can take much more of this hooking up and knowing that he is not mine anymore and could do this with other girls. i want him back so badly but just dont know how to do it. should i confront him with what i think and tell him how i feel or should i just sit back and wait and let him come to me? Please help i really hate feeling so hurt.

Truly Yours,

Gabrielle

Dear Gabrielle,

For sure you should confront him. It’s quite plain that he still has feelings for you, but you need to find out if that is enough for you.

Maybe he is the kind of guy who doesn’t want to be in a relationship. Or maybe he feels like he isn’t ready to be too serious. Or maybe he wants no strings so he can have other girls on the side. Who knows, until you ask.

But whatever his deal is, you need to figure out what you need too. If he doesn’t want to be in a relationship I would seriously consider severing ties. Why? Because you want something different and will continue to be hurt because he doesn’t want a relationship. It is truly a horrible feeling to love someone and to be hurt constantly by that person. Especially when it isn’t their fault (like having a no strings sexual relationship, he is free to see other women and that would hurt you).

But not saying anything could really damage what you have because if you wait too long he might just think that this is the perfect arrangement. Besides, wouldn’t you just rather know??

Sit down and talk with him one night. And know what you are capable of giving and what you are able to live with.

Good luck!

~Xmichra~

Friends First & Foremost

Dear Aunt Babz,

Hello! I have a problem and I've went to several people but all of them say the same thing, and I wanted to see if you think something different. I am a Junior in High School so I get to go to prom this year But I have a little problem. I still haven't found a date and prom is only a couple months away. I figured I would ask a friend because most of the time I hear it's way more fun to go with a friend instead of a boyfriend. So I decided I wanted to go with 1 of 4 guys. Dustin, Tubz, Sausage, or Q-Tip. It's kinda funny that all of them have nicknames except Dustin.lol Anyway I'm gonna describe each of the guys and I really need help on figuring out which one to ask.

Dustin- He's really sweet and funny. He is probably the cutest of the bunch. I dont really base who I want to go with on looks. Back during last summer he actually helped me through a little trouble I was having with another guy. We used to talk all the time. But then the semester changed and I never see him unless I go shopping and he is working. I'd say it's been about a month since the last time I saw him.

Tubz- Mostly all my friends are saying me and him would make a very cute couple. They mostly say either him or Dustin. He's also sweet and tries to be funny. I talk to him on the internet nearly every night. We have some of the strangest conversations.lol He will pick on me and I'll pick on him right back. One of my friends said that it looked a lot like flirting. But the both of us have said before that we get on each other's nerves too bad to date.

Sausage- He is on our football team. He is a sweet and caring person. He is outgoing most of the time. He will talk to anyone at school. If you didn't already know he played football by the way he acts, you probably would never have guessed.

Q-Tip- He can be sweet if he tries. He plays basketball and football. He goes to church with me and we email each other a lot. He goes to a different school, and the school he goes to is our football teams biggest rival. If I was to ask him his sister would end up thinking that something is up that truly isn't.

Those are the 4 guys I have to choose from and ask to the prom. I honestly have no idea who I would have the most fun going to prom with. Please help me.



Dear Reader, Even under the guise of going with a friend, the best, all time lasting relationships start out as friends first. After all, if you are not friends first and you base your relationship upon the premise that the guy is a hotty and you get nothing else, you will find yourself in an empty situation. Even if it's simply for the night of the Prom, you'll want to go with the guy who is fun to be with, makes you giggle and probably knows you best. He knows you best because, although he's not hit on you directly, he has spent a good portion of his time, getting to know you.

You need a guy who makes you laugh, one you can talk to, the kind that you two, never run out of stuff to say and talk about. Yes, it has to be a guy who enjoys your company, the heck with looks. Remember this, as they are words to base your future, a guide when considering a serious relationship.

Sure, money is wonderful, when considering a serious prospect for marriage but you can never base your relationship on this either. Many a gold digger married for money and found empty promises. Now, I know I am jumping way, way forward but while I have your attention, I might as well make you think, huh?

You have always struck me as a good girl, a young lady with strong Spiritual values. You should as well, base your choices on a fella that shares your spiritual beliefs, too. It is only one night, going to Prom, right? But going to Prom is a memory builder. When you are my age, you'll want to look back fondly, on that night. The memories will be retained, if you have a good time, stay safe, (No driving with anybody that's been drinking. You must have a zero tolerance for this ideology), dance, laugh, capping the night off with a big smile. I doubt it'll be remembered if you went with a good looking guy with nothing else to offer. I mean, what girl doesn't love an Eye Candy kinda guy on her arm? But the memories will be just that, that you went with a good looking guy.

Base your decision on the most well rounded, most enjoyable fella and you'll retain those memories, closest to your heart.

My first thought is or would be to pick Tubz, as he seems to enjoy your company or at least in chats and so on, the most. But if you could find a guy, maybe later on, that is a combination of Tubz and Q-Tip, well, you've got the making for a sound recipe for a future husband. But for now, I think I agree with Xmichra and vote for Tubz.

I would certainly enjoy hearing what your final choice is. I'd also love to hear how things go. I would Pray-n-Pick!

Keeping It Real,

Aunt Babz



Dear Reader,

I would ask Tubs. I mean, lets face it you have already made the choice that this is going to be a friend thing and not a boyfriend thing. And he seems like the best candidate given the descriptions. OH, and good on you for asking!!! Hope you have a great night! ~Xmichra~

Wildflower

Dear Aunt Babz,

There's a really cute older male co-worker I've talked to online outside work. We had flirted and everything and even talked about having sex together. I backed out of having sex because I got scared (I'm still a virgin, he isn't). He understood when I told him I changed my mind. Anyway, I want to ask him to a movie with me, but am afraid he'll say no. I think about him A LOT and really want to hang out with him. Thanks in advance.

Dear Friend,

You'll never know, unless you ask, right? In cases such as these, you must try not to over analyze. It is however, a good thing to put things into perspective. What I'm referring to, "Putting things into perspective" can always be used, in everything you do, every situation, where the outcome is uncertain and you have anxiety, as to how things will unfold.

OK, this is what you do; You ask yourself, what is the worst thing, the worst case scenario, what could, would or can happen? You'll possibly say that he'll say no, to your invitation? Now, you must learn to live your life, realizing that you can not make someone have matching emotions. You must always anticipate that a person has a different opinion, outlook on life and the possibility is there, that he does not think about you, as you do him, right? But let's look at this and put it into perspective...

If you ask him to the movie and he says no, it will not kill you, now will it? There is the possibility that your feelings may be hurt. Then, the next thing you'll probably do is tell yourself that there's something wrong with you and this is why he has said no.

Look in the mirror and see you, who you really are and be honest with yourself. If you are honest with yourself, you'll see a cute young woman with strong beliefs, a woman with backbone and no, you are not beautiful. I'm sorry if you thought you were. But you are not. (By the way, neither am I!)What you are is a very attractive, sporty looking sprite, who's fun, has a genuine laugh, is loyal and when you love, you love very deeply. You are quiet until you get to know someone and are a bit on the shy side. You don't have a lot of friends because you quite honestly don't care for all the gossip, competition and games girlfriends tend to play. No, you are too serious for this drivel. Yet you do have a quirky sense of humor. You are the real deal and although you don't care much for the "Dress Up" game, you do shine and clean up well. There's a side of you that thinks you are not attractive and it can and has hindered you. But the facts are, that you are attractive. You do not belong to the Popular Club, in school or at work and never really did. This is/was not because people dislike you. No, people do like you, when they get to know you but until then, they are indifferent. Why is this? It is because you are not a loud mouth, boisterous bimbo. You are, in all actuality, the kind of woman, a guy sees as "Marrying Material."

Yes, there are the "Trophy Chicks", the "In Betweens" and the "Marrying Material." See the beautiful bimbo is sought, when a man is young, dumb and you know the rest. He wants to be seen with this gorgeous girl but rarely does he take her home to meet Mom. Those girls that are within the popular circle but in between, tend to marry and divorce, very quickly. But it is the girl, every guy really wants that has backbone, isn't a sex hound, hasn't been with all his friends, has values and morals, isn't a loud mouth and he actually respects enough and is not ashamed of, that he'll take home to Mom. You are that girl.

Now, in the eventuality that this fella tells you no, you will not take it personally. You will look in the mirror and see that you are a rare breed, a treasure for Mr.Right. He just wasn't Mr.Right.

Don't worry Dear, you will not grow old by yourself, surrounded by cats. Be yourself, be real and don't change a thing. A certain fella, is gonna see you and he will cherish you, like he would a... Wildflower found in the snow.

Happy Holidays,

Aunt Babz