Intuition Is More

Dear Aunt B,

Hi, O.k, this is just a bit wierd, but any help would be very much appreciated, as I am very much the agony aunt of my friends, but from whatever way I look at this, I can't find a solution.

I am currently with a fantastic guy, he loves me, and I truly think we are soulmates, we were finishing eachothers sentences when we had only just met, and continue to baffle our friends and relatives with our ability to be on the same wave length. He knows what I want with out me having to hint or anything, as if he can read my mind. It's great :)

However, for some reason, I can't stop thinking about his ex girlfriend...I know. It's weird. They didn't go out very long, and they are still close friends, he has always been open about there friendship, I know for a fact, nothing would ever happen between them again. Ever, they have both moved on. He has said he feels like he 'messed her up' which, as he thinks the world is on his shoulders, I know he feels like he has to help her whenever he can as a result, (especailly as she has a tendency to burden him with her issues). I am generally a secure, none obbsessive or jelous person. Although I once had a dream where he kissed her infront of me and acted completly out of character to normal life, it really upset me, but it was so surreal, does this mean anything? I really don't get it, I can't help thinking where she is and what she does. I just want to stop thinking about this. It's stupid. I know it's natural to feel uneasy about the one you love having been with someone else, but he's really comfortable telling me anything about it, and I know if he knew, he'd say: that's crazy, I love YOU, she's just a mate...so why am I loosing sleep over this? ...on some level I think it may be because I could never imagine myself being such close friends with some one I went out with, maybe I just don't understand. I dunno. She was also snide an cold towards me the first couple of times I met her, and seems to only of just come round to being friendly...in fact she said I was awesome the last time we were all together. So why can't I stop thinking about her?? PLEASE help. So confused :S

Thank you.


Dear Reader,

Thanks for posting your question. I am from the old school of thought, that intuition is more than it seems to be. In other words, you evidently harbor some doubt about your boyfriend's loyalty to you, in regard to this ex girlfriend you speak of. So, perhaps you have a reason to feel this way. My advice to you is that you stop doubting yourself and cease putting yourself down over it. It's best to be open about your feelings, and see what transpires in the days to come. I think your questions, in time, will be answered that way.

I hope this helps, and thanks again, for asking advice................

SidellSez


Cont'd...

I will also answer this asap...
Sorry for the delay in answering you.


Dear Reader,

The title to this post speaks volumes, for one. Always rely on your Intuition and it will never steer you wrong.

I think it's safe to say that the vast majority of women would most certainly side with you. The point to make is simple; Would your current fella want you doing the same thing with one of your ex's?

My own Intuition tells me that this woman is not to be trusted and I can actually see her taking great pleasure in the fact that she still has your man wrapped around her little finger.I somehow feel she uses his kindness, his gentle nature and without him even realizing it, she plays head games in her twisted ploy to keep him in check. And you can tell him I said so.

Having said that, my advice to you would be to simply sit him down and let him know that this entire situation makes you uncomfortable. I believe you when you say it's not a matter of jealousy. However, your fella needs to understand that it's just not proper no matter how adult we want to act, especially if their relationship was of a sexual nature.

You explain to him that it's also not a matter of trust, as you trust him...it's her that you can not define...it's her that you don't trust. That is human nature. He could reassure you till the cows come home but yet again, you don't know her like he knows her, which by the way says it all.

My suggestion is a campaign to begin distancing himself from her. I know this much; If I told my man that the whole damn thing makes me uncomfortable, is a thorn in the side of your good relationship then I do believe he needs to heed the warning. And it's not an unreasonable request.

Her life is her life and the time has come for them to part ways. He has done what he has done out of guilt. She is taking advantage of the situation and his good nature. It needs to stop. She is extremely manipulating and I just happen to know she gets extreme pleasure out of making you uncomfortable.

In the event I am right, (and I'm betting that I am)don't you think he needs to stop being used and abused and move on to a healthy and happy relationship with the one woman who loves him enough to have put up with this bozo bull, one who cares enough to have sought counsel in order to make it all work?

Now...I'm betting on you!

Keeping It Real,

Aunt Babz

The Matriarch

Dear Aunt Babz,

Hello I am a 36 year old married mom of four children....Three here on earth and one baby that I lost

last year due to a stillbirth. I took the loss very hard and still today very hurt and just plain refuse to

have peace until I hold another baby in my arms. Of course the new baby will not replace my beautiful girl

that i lost. I lost her at 6 months along in pregancy.

I am wondering if you have a feeling of when this might be? I have a couple of health problems that can

probally be fixed with my own help. Like losing weight.

I have had a couple of dreams that imply that i will be pregnant again but do not know what to do with the dreams.

I have had a few dreams in my life that lead me in a way but i have no guidance as to how to get there.

If you have any feelings on this it would help so much.

Sincerely
Tori from Tn.



Dear Tori from Tn.,

I pray before or as I write these answers. I pray for wisdom and words but let me make it clear to you that I do not nor will I ever claim to be a psychic. I do believe that God has given me the gift of Discernment and Intuition as well as an ability to put things in some sort of perspective. I write what I feel, what the "Small, Still Voice," tells me. Other than that, well, I just want you to understand that I am not a psychic.

I'm sorry for your loss and pray for your timely healing. I can only imagine how difficult it has been for you? They say that time heals all wounds but I can also imagine it's rather hard for you to see or feel that right now? Again, I pray for your healing and understanding that all things happen for a reason and our God is a merciful God. He knows what He is doing and I pray that all will be revealed to you as you heal from your loss. I pray that you realize, as well, that your child is sitting beside Jesus, cozy and loved beyond understanding. You must stand on this faith, in order to embrace your loss. Selah

As I stated in the top of this post, I try to write what that small still voice tells me. My firm belief is that it is the Spirit of God. I realize now, post haste and in retrospect that a major portion of my life could have had an alternate ending had I listened to the Spirit. But I did not listen and I fell. I fell hard but am now able to look back and see that that gentle voice was there all along. You must listen for the answer too.

It is reiterated to me over and over, as I write this to tell you what I hear. I have been thinking about all this for a couple of days and it's quite possible that I delayed answering you so I would find/hear an answer, as I do not take your question lightly. I feel your pain and I do not not presume to have an answer for you but merely suggestions...

Undivided Attention

Your days shall be filled with the joy your three children bring you. Your time and attention shall not be divided by another. These three will fulfill your expectations but there will be some struggle. Thus, you should not be taxed, your attention divided again and again. Your life will become redefined several times. It will not be easy along the way. Your energies will be tapped and health issues might drain you further. These three will need you and it will be because of you that they will become wonderful people. They may not be what the world calls or defines as success in a monetary aspect but they are and will be good, well rounded children, individuals who know they are loved. They will know the true meaning of love. They will have a complete sense of family.

You will be torn as to what is important in your life and what defines you, similar to what you are going through now. But it is these three which make your life worth living. Because you kept things in perspective, they will each, after their own journey, find a new found respect and adoration for you. With their maturity, they will begin to visit their own past with a fondness. They will not only love you but like you and enjoy your company. You will be The Matriarch...and when your days are numbered, you will be surrounded by many, many who think you are just the cats pajamas.

Keeping It Real,

Aunt Babz




Dear T,

As you may or may not know I am pregnant. With this comes a lot of need for knowledge, which has made me search for all sorts of things pregnancy related. So I am going to try and answer your questions the best that I can, but I would strongly urge you to connect with a support group or a healer because what you have gone through is very painful, very hard, and very emotional. You do need support to come through this, and I think finding a support group would help you immensely. Losing a child at any stage is traumatic and I can understand the feeling of needing to have a baby when you were so looking forward to being a new mom again. But I will caution you, that this may not be the best time for becoming pregnant again. You may need some more time to digest what has happened and to be fully equipped mentally to face another pregnancy, which also may have complications. Only you can decide that for sure, but I would advise you to talk this over with your spouse and think about it for a little while before you rush into anything. Also, your body may not be equipped yet to handle another pregnancy. Sometimes when women undergo a D&C (I am assuming you had this done) the uterus is very strained and cannot catch or hold to a fertilized egg or embryo. So make sure that you have had a pap test and pelvic exam to ensure that your body is ready to try again. Dreams are a funny tool (some would argue) because they open our eyes to things that we want or need in our lives. And sometimes they are manifestations of things we wish were truth. Differentiating between those two things is tricky business, and it is easy to be caught up in dream world when the results are positive. But my thinking on dreams is this: they are our mind at play. Sometimes they can lead us to do the things that we need to do, but often (and I believe in this case) they are representative of things we wish we had. Dreaming positive things like this is not harmful, but taking these dreams as signs of hope can be. Please do not take this the wrong way because I know you are still in pain, but you need to get your head out of the dreams, and talk with your family doctor or a specialist about the realism of becoming pregnant again. That would be the best option. A doctor can tell you what you need to do to become pregnant, would monitor the pregnancy (especially so since you have lost a child in pregnancy) and can tell you when you need to be more careful (things like bed rest and light stress should be listened to.). I would also like to tell you of a few sites that can help you on your way in regards to the emotional side of what has happened to you and also getting pregnant again.

http://www.babycenter.com/0_coping-with-pregnancy-loss_4006.bc http://www.birth.com.au/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=30 http://www.mothers35plus.co.uk/losing.htm http://www.webmd.com/baby/pregnancy-loss-neonatal-death

I do hope the very best for you and your family. Take care of yourself, and your body.

~Xmichra.

Men Are Not Mind Readers

This was sent to Aunt Babz via email... Post Update- I'd answered a letter from this young lady, here; Words to Live By and she emailed me again, basically, with an update of her situation and an additional question;

Aunt Babz,

Thank you so much for the advice and the new perspective on things... your right, I really didn't consider some of those things... but also on other terms things have changed since i wrote you that email... He did break up with his girlfriend because his true feelings weren't for her they were/ are now for me. He never asked me to hang out with him until they broke up and our relationship has definitely changed a bit since then also. But i still dont know what to think i suppose.. One day he's telling me that I have him hooked and how wonderful I am and the next it doesnt seem that he's talking to me.. It's like a roller coaster i suppose that I really shouldn't be on.. and I guess that as much as I like him maybe I should get out while i'm still ahead and before i get hurt. But the other part of me is wondering if he told me how he really feels but that I just need to give him time and space because he is just getting out of a relationship... again still a bit confusing.... but starting to get it. If you wouldnt mind giving me your feed back on the situation one last time I think I would really like that.. Your a big help. Thank you so much!

Sincerely,

Tiffany

Dear Tiffany,

It's good to hear from you and it's even better to hear that things just might work out. I like the fact that he stepped away from her, the ex girlfriend. Even if we're worried, that we'll hurt someone we care for, honesty is always the best policy. In turn, as I stated in the last post, we must treat others, as we want to be treated, right?

You said, "I guess that as much as I like him maybe I should get out while i'm still ahead and before i get hurt." Now, I want you to look at those words. They speak volumes to me. Why did you say them? Do you have a gut feeling, on this? My point is to always listen to your gut feelings. I call it, the "Small Still Voice." I believe it is the Spirit, speaking to me. We need to listen, when the Spirit speaks. I don't know how many times, in my life, when I heard it but shook my head, didn't listen and went on. It usually turned out badly.

We don't need to over analyze this or your words. I only wrote that for future reference, something to think about and more words to live by.

It is true, he's just stepped out of a relationship. He may have a little trepidation, as to stepping, full throttle, into another. I think the best thing you can do, is give him his space and hopefully, he'll meet you in the middle, sooner than later. By giving him space, he can sort things out, you won't be hounding him and it also serves to give you time, to look and listen, observe and watch how things culminate. The more safe distance, you allow yourself, the less likely you will to be hurt. If and when he's ready, he'll pull you in the middle. He won't feel you've pressured him and he can't think or say, you nagged him about things, right?

Give it a minute, for his heels to cool from the last endeavor. After a small grace period, if you will, you then ask him to define your relationship. If you feel he's still being distant, you need to say so. As I said, give him a minute to adjust and be understanding. beyond that, don't you dare settle for not knowing where you stand.

Nothing is worse than a nagging woman, remember this. But never allow yourself to not say how you feel. Never be afraid to ask him to sum things up. Yes, it takes two to Tango but we all have a right to be happy. If he's not there for you, you must always give your partner, that chance to look at things. Quite often, we feel they should know how we feel. But honestly, men are not mind readers, the lack a bit in the intuition, assessment and catching on department. So, give him some time and then tell him how you feel.

Party Pooper

This was sent to Aunt Babz via email...

Hi Aunt B,

My name is Talya and i really need some advice and your opinion on something that has me really confused.about a month ago i reconnected with a fella i use to go to school with about 10 years back,of course he wanted to meet up and reacquaint and all that stuff,so i invited him to my birthday party that i having in a couple months and told him that would be a good place to meet and get reacquainted and he said that was great and agreed to come.All of the sudden he has switched up and is now telling me that if he can not meet up with me before the party he refuses to come. I'm fine with him not coming to the party but it confuses me why meeting up before then is so important? and why would he switch up on me like this? I'm so confused please help me understand this guy??

Dear Tayla,

For some unknown reason, I got some weird vibes off this. My Intuition tells me, to tell you, to proceed with caution. I'm not sure why and there's no logical reason, for me to feel this.

It is quite possible, that your fella, wants to meet you, without a bunch of people around. Realistically, he would not have your complete attention, if he were to meet you, at your Birthday party. I can also imagine, that if he does not know all these people at this party, it may be a bit uncomfortable.

I can understand his desire to meet you without all the fanfare and hoopla, of a party. I think I'd feel the same way, if meeting you again, for the first time and not really being able to spend time with you. I wouldn't do it either.

I think it's very simple and after he'd committed to coming, he thought about it. I imagine he realized it's not going to be an ideal re-connecting event, if you're surrounded by all these people, who also command your attention.

Yes, I think it's just his desire to have this first time, back around, a special meeting, understandably so. He desires a personal audience with you and no one else.

I will say it again; Proceed with caution. I have this feeling...

Big Blow Off or Cautious Calculation???

(This post has several, additional comments from the Author. Please scroll down)
This was sent to Aunt B via email
Dear Aunt B
Hi my name is Jelisa and I'm having a problem understanding this guy I know. He and I reconnected after many years, we used to go to school together. About a month ago, he told me he liked me and wanted to know if we could pursue dating but I'm not really sure about him as a person so I told him we couldn't date, not now, anyway and he said he was alright with that. The thing is, he only contacts me once in a while,like a few times a month or every other month and to me this does not seem like a guy who likes a woman,so I'm wondering did he lie about liking me and if he did why would a guy lie about something silly like that?I'm really confused any help on this would be very appreciated.

Dear Jelisa,

Love that name! I'm not sure if I completely understand your question and you as well as anybody else, is always welcome to email me and clarify things, if I did not seem to understand.
My first instinct is that he may feel that you've given him the, "Big Blow Off." You kinda did, if he asked you out and you questioned him. But let me point out that, if your instincts/intuition/spirit, told you no, you should always listen. I wonder what your reason was, as you are not clear but I think a guy that gets the nerve up, to ask a girl out and then gets blown out of the water, may be a little apprehensive? See, some guys don't have that killer instinct to go after chicks. No, they have to muster up all that's within them and this may be the case. He may seem like he's got his act together but deep inside, he may not feel so good, since you told him no. Why did you tell him no? And then, how can you expect him to pursue you you, after you've told him no?
I see that he respected your wish and went about his way. He's not a mind reader, either. Obviously, since the initial blow off, you have continued to blow him off, when he does call? If you hadn't, you'd not be writing me, right?
I guess the real question is, why do you feel as you do? Only you know, whatever it is, that is making you feel uncomfortable, in the first place. Listen to it, always listen to that "small still voice."
Months have gone by, according to your letter. He has, according to you, contacted you but you continue to toy with him. I have to ask myself, why you do this. See, only you can answer that. But not knowing what your real reason is, for pushing him away, I don't understand it, myself.
Are you playing hard to get? If you are, I think you've managed your objective and I would consider his requests to date you before he shops somewhere else. I give him credit for calling you afterwards and maybe you can't see that he must care or he wouldn't bother. I have three sons, so I think I have an idea, as to how guys operate, not to mention, plain ol' common sense. For most guys, I'd say, they would ask you out and if you blew them off, they'd try someone else. Common sense further dictates that he must like you or he'd not bother to even call back. Don't you see this? If he didn't care, why would he continually set himself up for failure? I mean really, it just doesn't make sense for him to continue to call you, only to be shot down, now does it?
If my own son, Mr. Johnny Appleseed, as I fondly call my youngest, told me the same story; that he kept calling this girl and she kept blowing him off, I'd suggest he move on. If my own daughter told me what you have, I'd say, stop playing hard to get and give the poor guy a chance. What do you have to lose? He has been caring enough to continue to call, which is more than most guys might do.
It's your turn; call him. Go on a date with him and give him a chance. Feel it out and try to enjoy yourself. You'll never know, if you don't try. You gotta play to win.



After reading this post, the author wrote this additional comment/question;

Hi Aunt B,
Its me, Jelisa again. I wanted to say thanks for your response it did help me understand things a bit more but now I want to help you understand my situation a lil' more because you asked me a few questions.
First off, I want to say I am definitely not playing hard to get nor am I toying with him I wouldn't do that to any guy, thats just not me. I don't feel like I blew him off even though he may feel I did and others may feel I did.
I've never led him on either in fact I mentioned to him that we were friends and he agreed to that. Honestly I have major trust issues with men just in general, so any guy I know or meet I am gonna be skeptical about,that's partly why I told him we couldn't date now, I mean being that we reconnected after so many years it's like we would have to get to know each other all over again. He has told me, that he has women friends and associates,which is another reason I don't trust him and I even told him, he should ask one of them out because he is always saying that he wants a g/f and a serious relationship but all he says is he doesn't look at them like that(i don't know why) I do understand what you meant when you said that he wouldn't call me at all if he didn't like me somewhat but I still feel skeptical on that because maybe he calls when he's bored or something. I think that if a man really likes a woman he would make a huge effort to contact her even if it's, just to see how her day was,also friends call each other regularly, if they care, in fact all my other friends call me almost everyday.I am still confused by his actions and I also want to know, why cant he just tell me he wants nothing to do with me instead of disappearing for long periods of time? He agreed to be friends but yet he's not being one. I hope this helps you better understand my situation and any further advice or wisdom you can offer me, I'd appreciate it!
Thanks

Dear Dear Jilisa,
If you noticed, I even changed the title to this. I think you may have had the impression that I was accusingly, saying that you were being unfeeling. That is not at all what I am trying to portray. My questions are posed to you for your analysis and I think you should re-read what I have said. So, you've made it clear that you are not toying with him and you are not playing hard to get. I never said you were but simple posed that question, in an attempt to understand your motives.
From what I can gather, it comes down to trust issues, doesn't it? You will not proceed forward with a guy you feel you can not trust. Is it just this guy or all guys?
I've had those trust issues before and I thought all guys were dogs. You can never be stupid with your man but you can't clump them all together. They call that "Sexist."
It's somewhat normal for a single guy to have friends that are female. If he's in a relationship, he should then curtail his private time with those girls. I mean, you may have to make him see how you feel by pointing out that if you had a bunch of guy friends, he just might not like it, if you kept up a real friendly relationship with those guys. I'd be willing to bet my bippy, that he'd want it to stop completely.
You'll have to make him aware of how this makes you feel. Is he insisting on continuing his close friendships and that's the jest or crux of the situation? If he is insisting, that you are out of your mind for having any kind of concern, then you need to put the shoe on the other foot and make him see that most women do not like this. Personally, I wouldn't tolerate it either.
If you feel he's a dog, maybe he's a dog and you should go on without him in your life. If after you've explained your concern and he blows you off, then you need to see that he really doesn't respect you enough to see that it bothers you badly enough to change it. You have no right to demand that he end his friendships but you do have the right to not put up with it, if is causing you grief.
I have to wonder though, if you weren't burned in another relationship and you are projecting your fears onto this guy. If this is not true and it is only because of this particular guys behaviors and that inner feeling, that is telling you not to trust him, well my dear, I think you should listen to it.
If it is solely because you were hurt in a past relationship, it is not fair to him, look at that. Look at it very carefully. If this is true, you need to learn to trust again, lest you never know good love again. If it is really, only about him, I suggest that you tell him how you feel, spin the scenario, so he may understand how it feels, if you had a lot of guy friends and insisted on maintaining a running relationship. How would he feel, wondering where and what you are doing. If he then does not understand, well girlfriend, he's just not the one.

Always, always, always, listen to that "Small, Still, Voice."
~~~~~~~

This is an additional question, from the author of this letter....

Hi Aunt B,
It's Jelisa, thanks again for your advice but you may have gotten the wrong impression again. See I don't want to date him so he can continue having friends and whatever else he does. He's always asking me about other guys or whether or not I have them in my life, I guess he thinks theres someone around just because I told him we couldn't date, so it's a bit weird because he and I aren't even a couple but he does seem a bit jealous of guys who don't even exist. What is really bothering me is he agreed to be friends but I haven't heard from him in almost a month. I asked you why do you think he won't just tell me he doesn't want to remain friends but you didn't answer this in your last post so hopefully you can now. I also wanted to let you know I have not been burned by anyone so that's definitely not the reason I am the way I am. Once again all of this is the reason why I feel he lied to me about liking me, I don't understand why a guy would lie about that, I mean what was he hoping to gain or get outta saying it? I'm lost. I want him to be honest and just tell me the truth, so we can end the situation and at least have closure. Any thoughts or answers you may have for me please let me know.


My Dearest Jelisa,
This is a rather complex situation, huh? I'm glad to hear that you were not burned and that is why you have trust issues. That can mess with every subsequent relationship. Once you've been burned, it's hard not to remember that pain and the sting of betrayal.
Obviously, this guy likes you and has made several attempts, at getting a relationship going with you. Why else would he be jealous?
I'm sorry Jelisa, but where I come from, it's called blowing someone off. You want to be a good friend but can't understand, why he can't seem to do this. You contradict yourself with not wanting him to have lady friends but you want to remain this way, yourself. You want it all on your terms, call the shots. It sounds to me like it may be painful for him to call you. He must have feelings but you keep telling him that you only want to be friends. I don't think he just wants to be your friend. One side of you wants his attention and can't understand why he doesn't call you, in fact, I think it may hurt you. He does not want to be your friend and I think for him, it feels like a blow-off, every time he calls. He's less apt to call because of this. But you can't use your other friends as a benchmark, for appropriate behavior because he's not like your other friends.
I have friends of my own, close friends and we're not constantly on the phone or emailing. Occasionally, we hear from each other, a pleasantry, within our busy lives.

He may not be capable of being, just your friend and it's hard for him, to pretend that's all it is.He would have gone away, but he cares and every now and then, he gives it another shot, hoping you might have changed your mind. He makes the, obligatory attempt or appearance, at being that friend, you say you will only be, with him and once again you blow him off. I don't think you like the term, "Blow-Off," it seems harsh but I think that's exactly how he sees it. Take a look at that. In addition, take a look at why, you have such a problem with the fact that he doesn't call, like you want him to?
Having friends, on your terms, doesn't always work. Real friendship is not gauged by how often a person calls you. It is gauged by, if they are there, for you, when you need them, as a real friend. It is not gauged by trivial phone calls with even more trivial conversation.
Friendship comes in different ways. It is given freely, not forced. It is given from the heart and not some manual for proper friendship etiquette. You can not take away his feelings for you and make him keep them on a friendly level. It is not your playing field, designated as you say or how you want it. If he feels more, for you than you are willing to see, then that is on you, to either accept or deflect. I think he's incapable of just being your friend...you just can't see this.
This is a comment back, in addition to the original response...

Hi Aunt B,
I wanted to say that a lot of the things you told me made a lot of sense, in fact I came to the conclusion myself a while back that he cant be just my friend and wont! i gotta ask you a couple things though, since it is obvious that he cant be my friend why doesn't he just tell me this so we can put a complete end to the situation? Also do you think i should call him(though I don't want to) and tell him to just come out and tell me he doesn't want to be friends so we can end it? cuz honestly I need closure on this situation. Please answer both these questions for me cuz I need to know!
Dear Jelisa,
I am getting the impression that you like to take care of matters and do not like unfinished business on the table? If this is true, I would call him and end it finally. I happen to think he likes you but you push him away. For the life of me, I can't understand why you can't see this. No, he doesn't come begging but he trys every few weeks, he's going to give it another chance, hoping you'll soften up. He can't really just be your friend, so call him and tell him, you don't want to hurt him but you are not interested and you wish him the best.
I think that is the only fair thing to do, if you are not stringing him along, to let him down easy but firmly state that you can't be friends and hope he has a good life.
Make sure it's what you want Jelisa? He sounds like he cares enough to keep calling. But if you can't be just friends, tell him so and get it over with. That way he can go on about his business and you've played the game fairly.
ohmibod

Just Feel It

This was sent to Aunt B via email...

Hello Aunt B

Please can you give me a little guidance in a problem I am having.

I went out with a guy two years back, we broke it off just before Christmas, then last year October he gets in contact with me again. Then he doesn't contact me again until this year march.

He tells me that he made a big mistake moving, and that all the girls he has been seeing did'nt have what we have. I am no fool, but am I kidding myself in waiting, he is busy studying, and he got a job near to were he is studying. I don't know if this is a good enough excuse.

Thank you for your time.

DANIELLE

Dear Danielle,
I can see why you might be a bit apprehensive. I might be wondering about it all and his motives, myself? I mean, what's he up to and why now? I don't know how far away he is from you or how feasible it is for you guys to start up a relationship. You know him better than anyone and you may have to go with you gut instincts on this one, ok? I believe that our spirit talks to us, we just have to listen. I can look back through all these years and see where I made my biggest mistakes. I am also able to see that I often turned off that, "small, still voice," of reason. I can remember, before any big decision, even in small ones, where if it was the right thing to do, I would feel good. When it wasn't right, I was usually queasy, sick to my stomach. You have to learn to listen to that small still voice.

So, after all this time, he wants to come waltzing back into your life, just like he never left? I think, truly, you have always been in the back of his mind. You made an impact on him and he can't forget about you. For some reason, his small, still voice, makes him think of you and how good he had it. Danielle, now think about this...how many women are there in the world? How many women could have crossed his path? How many choices has he had? I'm sure there are women, where he lives, huh? But he keeps coming back to you, even in his mind, doesn't he?

I am now living without regret but I can and have looked back at my life, often and wondered how my life would have been if I had done this or that or gone with this guy or married that man. I've been engaged more than a half dozen times and it was always me that broke it off by my actions or I just sabotaged myself, talked myself out of it or in my case, something bad happened. These were guys with money and a bouquet full of love for me but I shut them out. I analyzed it too much, I talked myself out of it and I sure did shut out my small, still voice of reason, "The Spirit." I can see this, all these years later. Here I am looking back at my life and I do wonder, well what if?

I have the feeling that you should think about this. I also believe there is no such thing as luck, coincidence or magic. Things happen for a reason, within the dynamics of our destiny. Once you begin to live this way, where you believe and adopt this premise, you begin to see that, every single person you meet in life, has been artfully placed there...for a reason. Everything that happens to you, all that you go through, all the trials and tribulations, ups and downs, they are all for a reason. We are tested daily and people are placed in our lives for whatever reason, well you will see this. It may be to learn from that person. Once we go through a certain thing and we learn from it, we move on to something else but we are handed another piece to "Our" puzzle. The more pieces we get, the more we can see the "Big Picture," that puzzle which is our lives. This is the coolest thing you'll ever learn, remember it. It is the key to your future, the answer to all lives holds for you. Once you begin to breathe this in, you begin to see things differently.

We all go through uncomfortable things, some of us more than others. I happened to have been one of the "Schooled." Some people just float through life, unaffected, unjaded, unjilted and often live on Easy Street, huh? Not me! I have lived enough for three people and I have been through enough that it often tried to take me down. If I died tomorrow, I could say that I have lived. Where I had no empathy, I was taught empathy. Where I had no understanding, I was taught understanding. When I was not humble, I was made to be humbled. I now possess a PhD in life and living. Why? Because I finally began to learn from things and my mistakes. When I went to Prison I learned that people go in and they come out one of two ways; Bitter or Blessed. I was blessed but why is that? It's because I was able to allow the process to school me, to humble a very proud woman and I chose to learn from all my self-will run riot. I prayed for wisdom to understand an awful situation, an awful life and He gave it to me. So, now I can look back in Retrospect and I can see clearly when I did and when I didn't listen to that instinct, that small still voice. I tell you all this, not to talk about myself but so you may relate a few things;

1. Things happen for a reason
2. People are placed in our lives for a reason
3. Everything we live and breath is for a reason
4. All trials and tribulations are for a reason

What pieces of your puzzle, have been handed to you? Is this guy another puzzle piece because he was placed in your life for a reason and you in his. You now have to ask yourself WHY? Ask yourself, how this fits into what or where you should be? Think about the fact that he keeps coming back into your life. That is for a reason too. I think you have something to learn from him and he from you. You are on his mind and that is for a reason.

Finally, it may not be easy for you both and you may never get back the same relationship you had before he left. One thing in life is certain and that is change. You've changed, as well, so has he. I think you should consider this, if you really care. He thinks about you or he would not have called. You are ingrained upon his heart, he feels it. Most of all, truly, what is the best we can expect from life? It is to be loved. To love and to be loved, is the sweetest and most wonderful thing you will ever know. Don't look at it, flip it over and look for fault. Just feel it and let your Spirit do the talking.
Now Listen!