Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Men Are Not Mind Readers

This was sent to Aunt Babz via email... Post Update- I'd answered a letter from this young lady, here; Words to Live By and she emailed me again, basically, with an update of her situation and an additional question;

Aunt Babz,
Thank you so much for the advice and the new perspective on things... your right, I really didn't consider some of those things... but also on other terms things have changed since i wrote you that email... He did break up with his girlfriend because his true feelings weren't for her they were/ are now for me. He never asked me to hang out with him until they broke up and our relationship has definitely changed a bit since then also. But i still dont know what to think i suppose.. One day he's telling me that I have him hooked and how wonderful I am and the next it doesnt seem that he's talking to me.. It's like a roller coaster i suppose that I really shouldn't be on.. and I guess that as much as I like him maybe I should get out while i'm still ahead and before i get hurt. But the other part of me is wondering if he told me how he really feels but that I just need to give him time and space because he is just getting out of a relationship... again still a bit confusing.... but starting to get it. If you wouldnt mind giving me your feed back on the situation one last time I think I would really like that.. Your a big help. Thank you so much!

Dear Tiffany,

It's good to hear from you and it's even better to hear that things just might work out. I like the fact that he stepped away from her, the ex girlfriend. Even if we're worried, that we'll hurt someone we care for, honesty is always the best policy. In turn, as I stated in the last post, we must treat others, as we want to be treated, right?

You said, "
I guess that as much as I like him maybe I should get out while i'm still ahead and before i get hurt." Now, I want you to look at those words. They speak volumes to me. Why did you say them? Do you have a gut feeling, on this? My point is to always listen to your gut feelings. I call it, the "Small Still Voice." I believe it is the Spirit, speaking to me. We need to listen, when the Spirit speaks. I don't know how many times, in my life, when I heard it but shook my head, didn't listen and went on. It usually turned out badly.

We don't need to over analyze this or your words. I only wrote that for future reference, something to think about and more words to live by.

It is true, he's just stepped out of a relationship. He may have a little trepidation, as to stepping, full throttle, into another. I think the best thing you can do, is give him his space and hopefully, he'll meet you in the middle, sooner than later. By giving him space, he can sort things out, you won't be hounding him and it also serves to give you time, to look and listen, observe and watch how things culminate. The more safe distance, you allow yourself, the less likely you will to be hurt. If and when he's ready, he'll pull you in the middle. He won't feel you've pressured him and he can't think or say, you nagged him about things, right?

Give it a minute, for his heels to cool from the last endeavor. After a small grace period, if you will, you then ask him to define your relationship. If you feel he's still being distant, you need to say so. As I said, give him a minute to adjust and be understanding. beyond that, don't you dare settle for not knowing where you stand.

Nothing is worse than a nagging woman, remember this. But never allow yourself to not say how you feel. Never be afraid to ask him to sum things up. Yes, it takes two to Tango but we all have a right to be happy. If he's not there for you, you must always give your partner, that chance to look at things. Quite often, we feel they should know how we feel. But honestly, men are not mind readers, the lack a bit in the intuition, assessment and catching on department. So, give him some time and then tell him how you feel.

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