What If Syndrome

Xmichra Answers

This was sent to Aunt Babz via email...

Aunt Babz,

Hey there i have been with my boyfriend for nearly 9 months. He has told me that he has to go back to this home town to see his daughter for about 5 months. He ahs asked me to go with him but every time i say that i want to go he says that i will miss my family to much. But he has told me that he loves me and i love him too. I really want to go with him cause in the end it's only 5 months and i would like to meet his family. What should i do

Dear Friend,

Well, to be honest I don’t think he wants you to go.. he just didn’t want to loose out if he came back. The whole “you will miss your family too much” is a cop out for “maybe I made a mistake”. At least that is what I think.

I would really question why five months? What is going on that in five months time he would be willing to come back home? What is that all about? I certainly think it sounds strange, and a little like a devised plan that is not likely going to go well.

But if you do decide to go taking a few precautionary steps wouldn’t hurt. Make sure that you have a place to stay and a job, in case things don’t pan out with your boyfriend. I would say that to anyone who was moving far from their support line (family in this case), you just can’t ever be too safe in that regard.

Also, you might want to check what the living arrangements are going to be like. If he was only intending to stay for five months (which too me sounds really odd) then chances are he wasn’t signing a lease. So just be sure what kind of accommodation there is, and if he was planning to stay with someone that they are aware that you will be joining him. Nothing makes for tension like an unknown guest.

If you decide not to go, just keep in mind that love travels, and if he is true he will not stray and you will be fine. If it wasn’t meant to be, then that’s it. If you want to go, but your gut is telling you that you really shouldn’t…. then I would listen to that instinct. And the same for the reverse situation, if your gut is telling you that this is the smart move then I would do it. Regretting something you took a chance on is sometimes much easier to deal with then the “what if” syndrome of not doing things. However, going against your gut will almost always land you in a bigger pile of shit then ever expected.

Good luck, and let us know what you decided.