Mixed Signals???

New Staff Advisor, Xmichra, answers the question...

This was sent to Aunt Babz via email...

Hi !

I play soccer, and I’m in big trouble with one of the girls. It started about 6 months ago. She helped me out during practice, told me to “go ahead and play, and not just walk”. I was walking because I was feeling really bad. I had lost a good friend of mine. I was waiting for December break to quit the team. Well, unfortunately this girl messed up my plans by telling me to “go ahead and play, and not just walk”. Then she helped me by telling me who to pass the ball to, where to run and so on…That really hit me as I had really not expected her to say that. She’s one of the most popular girl in the team and by far the best player of the premiere team. I’m not as popular, and used to be a substitute in the other team (the second one). Let alone that I was feeling desperate, and obviously not expecting anything good to happen in my life.

Then, weird stuff started happening. It seemed as if we copy each other on the field when we play against each other, like we have the same reactions at the same time. Sometimes, my leg would do something without my brain telling me to do so. On the same team, we would just understand each other. This usually doesn’t happen with people who don’t know each other. This scared me a lot as I had no clue to what is going on. I think it scared her too.

So from then on, we started looking at each other. She says I look at her. On my side, I accuse her. Stupid baby game that we are both unable to stop other than by just avoiding each other, which obviously hasn’t solved anything yet. What’s more is that I do have reasons to suspect things too because she is homosexual. And lucky me, her girlfriend is in the team. A couple times, it seems as she has been hitting on me. For instance, during a party, I had put my drink on the table. She came nearby to serve herself, and placed her body right in front of my drink. The only way I would be able to pick it up would have been by putting my hand right by her sex. Or else, she stays in front of the doorway when she knows I need to go through. Then she says, “Go ahead, you’re right, why don’t you bump into me while you’re at it?”. She also fowls me and then say she’s pleased of so doing. Lately, she’s been coming right by me to say that it doesn’t smell good, and laughs with her friends. This confuses me a lot, and hurts me because at the time she had started off by being nice to me. I had really appreciated her help. I am still very thankful.

Could you help me figure out why this girl is acting this way and what to do about it?

Thank you

Natalie 22yrs old

Dear Friend,

There are a few triggers for me here. And maybe it is from translation, but this does sound like a girl who wanted to help out a person who was feeling low. And then likely what happened was that you two were too much in sync.. and the girlfriend got jealous. And what do jealous people demand?? reasons not to be jealous.. which is why this girl likely gave the could shoulder afterward and was mean.

Basically, I would cut the friendship or what ever that was short. Obviously this girl has more drama in her life then you can contend with. BUT, if you were looking at her in that way... that loving way. Then maybe you need to do a little soul searching too. Maybe you were sending mixed signals... and maybe she got caught off guard. There really isn't anything to her being homosexual. Just because someone is gay doesn't mean they want to have sex with you. But flirting happens naturally, and if she was flirting (which I actually think that she was) and had thought originally that it was just for her and she thought that you were strait.. well if you started returning those looks, that could catch a girl off guard.

What to do now with the soccer?? Just keep playing and keep the valuable information and skill that this girl gave you. Eventually it will all wind down.. if you want it too. If you continue to try and make a relationship with this girl (either sexual or friendship) be prepared for a bumpy ride. Sounds like she has a lot of pressure having a girlfriend, being popular, and a good athlete. So you might end up totally brushed off. So just be prepared, and don't let it break you.