Quality Not Quantity

Dear Aunt Babz,

I have been married for 1½ years. My husband and I both have ex’s and

children from those relationships. We have a 6-month-old baby.

My husbands’ ex-wife recently relocated 45 miles away from our home. They could not agree on parenting time and school district so they went to court, the judge ordered for the ex-wife to keep the kids for school and my husband would have them for the summer, this decreased his parenting time from 182 days to 120 days/year. He is devastated by this change and cannot live with it. I recently found out that he has been looking for a place to rent in the city where his kids were relocated. I asked him about it and he said that I wouldn’t go with him anyway because my kids are here with us. I agreed that I would not want to leave my children but that he was not losing his kids completely; he still has them on the weekends during the school year and all school breaks, including the summer. I tried to tell him if that were me in the same situation I would appeal the decision, but I would continue to stay home because they are not really that far away and we both work in the city of relocation and could see them any day. Neither of us know what to do from this point, I am extremely hurt that he would just up and leave his new family over this. Any advice would be awesome!

Dear Reader,

Good grief do I feel for you. I mean anything you say will look like you are being selfish and not understanding. But I do not believe this is how it is I do think you care and as well you are looking at things, from all angles.

I mean I don't have the entire story but enough to deduce that Dad is extremely caring. In this day and age that is not rare but you see so many dead beat Dad's, now don't we? So, it is a breath of fresh air, when you hear of a Dad that would go to such great lengths. But is he really thinking this through? Are his motives on task?

This whole situation is not a win/win one, now is it? The best you can hope for is some form of compromise and fresh perspective. I do give Dad credit for his purpose and drive to be or have more time with his children. As well, I can completely understand your questions concerning that drive?

I would hope you could somehow share this letter with him. There's no harm here as I do not know you nor will I ever, right? It's not airing your dirty laundry to a girlfriend or co-worker in fact this is safer. You are simply asking for opinion. Maybe even a fresh pair of eyes and ears right?

It all comes down to the power of deducement on "our" parts. I have a few questions and a few observations to offer...

For Dad?

A few simply questions; I would ask you, if your motive for going way out in left field and possibly renting an apartment is only and solely so you may spend more time with your children?

For lack of a better way or more diplomatic way of asking this, are you pissed because your ex wife was awarded what appears to be more actual custody? Are you going to get another Apartment because, "How dare she pull this boner with my kids? I'll show her," and I am not insinuating this, merely asking.

Furthermore, through this power of deducement, I would ask if it's fair for your current and most important situation, to be neglected because of your pressing feelings, in the direction you wish to take?

Will your 6 month old suffer for your hasty moves, thoughts and actions? Now, let me make myself clear; I am not telling you that you are making your child suffer. What I am saying is that you do in fact have a 6 month old who needs you, possibly more than your older children. The equation is a tell all of how your time will be divided up, if you go to this apartment. You will have no choice, every time you drive the 45 miles, go to the apartment, arrange to see the kids by your EX wife, to leave your other family behind, especially the lil one, the baby.

As well, I can see things from both sides. Mom, you are afraid to say anything because anything you say will be misconstrued. You will appear selfish for merely wanting to spend time with your husband and enjoy his company along with your baby. I must say that this is not, by any means unreasonable. I do feel for Dad but I want him to make sure his motive is not clouded by any animosity as he makes his decision.

Sometimes we need only to look in the mirror, decipher the situation and make the appropriate and most fair of decisions. Life is not fair, as you can well see and all we can do is try to make the best out of some bad situations.

I do offer Dad to write me and tell me how he feels. If he is a reasonable man, I do not think he'll be upset with the fact that you have not presented this to obtain cheerleaders for your side. No I believe your motive is not bad. In fact, I think you simply treasure the love you have for your husband and the father of your children. He's a good man, you and I know this and we are not trying to indict him. We simply want some solution, right?

Again, I give credit where credit is due. The issue is not whether Dad is a good father, it is simply can he see through all this where he is needed the most and can he realize the importance of a father in a babies life? Somehow, I think he will make the right choice and see that there's only 24 hours in a day and it's not quantity but quality that counts. Right?

Keeping It Real,

Aunt Babz

Dear Erica,

Wow. I don’t know how to answer this one. I mean, on the one hand it seems like a no brainer, he made his choices (separating from his ex, marrying you and having another child… so this I would qualify as “moving on”) so he should live with his choices and like you said, appeal.

But on the other hand… those are his kids. And as sure as you are about not wanting to move away from your children, even if you could make a day trip… he is reacting the same way.

So it’s hard to actually find what the best solution would be. Especially since so many people have less sympathy for the father in these cases… and because there are other elements involved.

So instead of spouting off what I think would be the best thing (which I couldn’t do anyways) I think I will ask you this: what do you think will happen if he stays and doesn’t move? You said that he is devastated and cannot live with the decision that was made. Maybe this looking for an apartment thing is somewhat like temporary insanity, where he is looking at just being closer to his kids at any cost without really looking at the bigger picture. Maybe he didn’t think that the picture would involve his kids moving away from him. Maybe he thought that his moving on wouldn’t affect his life that much because his kids would still be near him. And maybe he is ready to snap.

Is there no way that you and your kids could move to the city as well? You didn’t mention your custody situation so I thought that I would ask. But maybe that would be the solution you need, since it keeps all the family together.

I don’t think that he is thinking clearly though. I know that you referenced yourself as the new family… but that is also pretty unfair. Both to you and him. His children are still his children regardless of who he is partnered with. And you aren’t the new wife, you are his wife and partner and that deems more respect then a title of new.

Honestly I think you need to seek out a therapist to help you through this. You are hurt (and rightfully so) but so is he. And sometimes when it comes to our kids we do crazy things and go to crazy lengths to be with them. And maybe it won’t work out. But if you want a shot at it you both need to talk about it and to both make compromises. After all, if the shoe were on the other foot so to speak, could you do the same?

I hope that there is a solution for you two and everyone involved. And I hope babs maybe can answer a little better!!

Take care, and I hope things work out for you.

~Xmichra

Don't Be Bullied

This was sent to Aunt Babz via email...

Hello Aunt B,

I am a 43 year old divorced dad with 2 children who I love dearly. Here is my problem. 3 years ago after finding out about an affair my wife was having, her and I split up and she moved in with her parents and she has lived there ever since. She has a large extended family, sisters, cousins and the house is always full with people. During our divorce we settled on shared physical custody. Unfortunately I do not see my children as much as I would like. Without sounding bitter, my children who are 9 and 5 have chosen to stay over at my ex's parents home quite a bit more often than what we drew up on paper. Basically they have more people to love and spoil them there than I have here. I know they love me but, I guess if I was a child I would stay where the grass seemed greener, but it hurts just the same. My ex receives a good chunk from me plus her own salary, but has yet to move out on her own. Tonight, just as many nights, I went to pick my children up only to learn that their mother was not there and the grandmother was watching them and the kids wanted to stay there. The bitterness over the affair has subsided, but not seeing my children is really getting to me. I don't really know if I am looking for advice or just someone to tell. If you have any wise words for me I would be glad to hear them...thank you...John

Dear Friend,

I would imagine, you have many, many emotions right now. You may feel dejected, ejected and rejected. I wouldn't blame you. Time does heal all wounds. Try not to blame or have resentment for the children. I believe you are trying to work through all this, logically but it still burns.

Your children are behaving quite typically, so do not be alarmed. Try not to take it personally, kids are like this and believe it or not can surely tend to be selfish. But they don't realize the ramifications, of their tendency to push you out.

I do encourage you to exercise your rights. If you were awarded visitation, you can be held in contempt, in many states for not exercising or adhering to the court order. That goes along with the fact that it may not be reinforced on their end, either. I guess the problem comes down to feeling like the bad guy, if you feel the need to force them?

This is a disparaging situation and if I were you, I would speak to your ex and inform her that she needs to make them aware, that you will become diligent when it comes to visitation. You let her know, that you want visitation and to have them ready. It is almost a self-esteem issue, for you to walk away and not refute the kids want to stay where they are. The court says that you Must exercise your right, not when Mom or the kids feel like visitation. The law is in place to protect you as well as your ex spouse and children. It is not a one-way law to be taken lightly or interpreted as the Mother or children deem suitable. So do it and state this is your intention. Once you get the kids out and away from their surroundings, they just might have a good time. Do not deny yourself, they are your children too. I am going to say this;

Quite often, the Father wants nothing to do with the kids. Statistics show, that they move on, more so than women, of course. Don't allow them to run over you. Stand by your rights and make them aware, even if you have to use the law on your side, that by not adhering to the court order, everyone who does not abide, can be held in contempt. Make them think, it's not gonna be you. In turn, you just might have a wonderful and fulfilling time and build upon the relationships with your children.

No matter what happened, with you and your ex, those children are still yours. Don't be bullied and stand your ground. You have the law on your side.

Zero Tolerance for Violence

This was sent to Aunt Babz via email...

Dear Aunt B,

My problem is my brother! He bullies me. Whenever we are alone in a room

together he attacks me. He usually goes on top of me and punches my

back(which is extremely painful), punches my head, pulls my hair and lots

more. I have told my parents but everything that they have done does not

work to prevent him from doing it again! He usually goes and tells them

lies before i get a chance to and twists the story to make out that he

is the victim! I really cannot take this any longer and can't stand to

live n the same house as him as i really hate him. He is 12 and i am

almost 15. Please help me because i feel like walking out!

Thanks

Lisa x

Dear Lisa,

Sounds to me, like you've just about had enough. I can't say as I blame you. Your little brother is turning into a little Monster and if your parents can't contain him, well, there's trouble brewing. If he'll do this to his own big Sister, he'll probably do it to other people, anybody. This has got to be stopped.

You asked my advice and I am surely going to give it to you. I think you should also allow your parents to read this. Maybe they don't realize just how bad this can get? Your brothers behavior now, if left unchecked will not go away on it's own. If they really want to stop it, they must buckle down and take it as seriously, as it really is. I can not stress how very bad this is. They may think you're being a drama queen but if he is allowed to continue, he'll think it's ok. He'll think he can get away with it.

Violent tendencies, are actually serious. Will they take it seriously, when he's sitting in Juvenile Detention because he's really hurt someone? They will have no control over that, if he hurts someone else. The only control they'll have in the situation, is what time, they go for visitation. If he's lucky and gets away with this, will he beat someone up as an adult and spend time in jail or prison, before they think, "Well, gosh darn it, we should've taken his sister seriously, when she said he was doing all that hitting and hurting?" Will he think it's ok to beat his wife? Or maybe, he'll just beat his children because that's how he knows to deal with his aggression and feelings? Yes, this is very serious.

My suggestion is that you have your parents read this, for starters. You then, inform them that if he hits you again, you have the right to call the police. You do have the right to file a complaint against your brother, oh yes you do. The problem is that Children & Youth Services will be called in. They will look at the whole situation. This will not be a positive reflection on your parents or your brother. It will however be taken seriously, as seriously as the situation merits.
Mom and Dad need to realize this.

My Advice, is for you, to inform little Brother, that if he touches you one more time, you will call the Police. If you tell him this, you must follow through and do it. He does not have the right to lay one finger on you. Maybe he doesn't understand this concept?

There must be Zero Tolerance for Violence. See, kids will be kids and siblings often rough house but if he is hurting you and nothing is being done about it, it is not a good thing and it surely is not something you, want him to think, he can do.

You must respect your parents and you go to them first. Hopefully, they'll see that you've had enough. Right here, right now, I am telling you that I think you have every right in the world to feel as you do.

In the event that you do not feel that you can go to your parents about this, I suggest that, you tell your brother, if he comes near you, you will call the Police and you will have him arrested. the Police will handle it then and I do think they will think it is disturbing. It may seem drastic but it is not. You must realize that he should not be allowed to behave this way. I do think your parents just don't see the long term effect of this behavior running amuck. It will not get better on it's own, as I've said before.

In the long run, if you must call the Police, which you have the right to do and I can't stress this enough, he will wish he'd taken you seriously. He must realize now, before it's too late, that there are consequences for his actions. Otherwise, tell Mom and Dad, not to bother with the savings for college. Nope, he'll only need Commissary money at the local Prison.

How Will You Be Remembered?

This was sent to Aunt B via email...

My husband calls our grand children names and thinks that it is funny, He used to call our children names and had them believe that they were dumb and stupid as they were only three and five years old at the time. They started school believing this. It took years to get them to believe in themselves and prove him wrong. He is doing this to a grand child of ours. Please give me help on this.

Judith *. *****


Dear Judith,

I know, you know, the answer to this but I imagine you want it in black & white, to affirm, your own assumptions, right?

I could not agree with you more. You just need to put it into perspective for Grandpa. Maybe, he can redeem himself and be wise, as a Grandfather should. Maybe, he can be help and not a hindrance, a guiding light instead of blinding.

We often do not realize that the littlest of things can mean the most, make the most impact on our lives. You must share with him, divine wisdom, so he may impart it upon his Grandchildren. I imagine that he wants them to respect him, right? Somehow, I just know, he is the type of man, that commands respect. If that is the case, then he needs to realize that, not only is that a tall order but he needs to be responsible with it. Old habits die hard but I do believe , you can teach an old dog, new tricks. It may very well be, the trick is a good ol' dose, of perspective. It'll be the medicine, he needs to swallow. Open wide, Grandpa...

In the Bible, it speaks of, the faith of a child. You must believe whole heartedly, to get into Heaven. Does it not? It says this for a reason. A child believes whole heartedly, what he/she is taught. They trust you, to guide and lead, they trust you with their very lives. A small example of such trust is, i.e., When Dad throws the baby in the air, playfully, that child has faith, that the Father will catch him. He laughs and giggles because he trusts that his Father will be there and not allow him to fall. This is true in a Spiritual sense, as well as a real and tangible scenario. So, that child grows to trust and believe, what he is told and probably respects his/her Mother and Father more than anyone else.

Parenting is a huge responsibility, I do believe we've lost sight of this. But I am not about to get on the soapbox and go on a tangent. Simply suffice it to say; We need to think, before we open our arrogant, know it all mouths. Our children are so impressionable and believe every word we utter. Maybe, he might question, what I just said, so, let me give you an example, so real, this premise can not be disputed;

Do we or do we not, tell our children and entertain the idea of Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and even the Tooth Fairy?

Every year, millions of people, the world over, take their children to see Santa and we tell them the story of a jovial fat guy, that rides in a sleigh, through the air, pulled by reindeer. He then shimmy's down the chimney and brings good girls and boys presents. He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows, if you've been good or bad...

Need I say more? Our children believe every word that comes from our mouths, completely and they do not question it. How far fetched is that whole story, a guy riding through the air with a sleigh full of presents, enough for every child? It's quite ridiculous but if Daddy says so or Grandpa told me, it must be true?

Your husband, most likely means no harm at all. I think he just doesn't realize the magnitude of the situation, calling names or the magnitude of his place in the family. His crown of gray hair is his honor and an honorable man only says and is accountable for his words. I'd be willing to bet that your husband is old school and believes in the premise that a man is only as good as his word, huh? His handshake is all that is needed to seal the deal because he's an honorable man.

He just forgot, how important his opinion is, how he is looked upon with the utmost respect and just how valuable his words are, especially, upon an impressionable child.

It's never to late, to do the right thing and for him to remember what he really stands for. He is a man, who has always meant well but had often allowed his anger, his words to just run out, like acid, before he thought about it. He needs to break that habit, right now. His Grandchildren will remember, long after his death, that he said mean things and called them dumb and stupid and that is what his memory will be, that's it, that's all. So sad, huh?

Or...he can be the good man, he's always been and be remembered for the wonderful knowledge, he possesses, his good work ethic and although he could be distant, at times, a good husband, who loved you and his family, enough to die for.

Dear Grandpa,

I hope you read this and realize that you are the Patriarch of your family, you hold the top spot, in this hierarchy. We want to remember you for your good qualities. We want to remember your smile and your kind words, your stories, your oral history and your craftsmanship.
We want your tombstone to read, "Loving Father, Grandfather and Husband," because deep down, that's who you are, a wonderful man, a man of his word, a man we respect and endear.
When we go to visit your grave, we do not want to read those words and think that they were lies because all we can remember, what sticks in our minds, is your words, that we were stupid and dumb. We felt worthless, when you said that because we looked up to you. We believed every word that came from your mouth because we respected you the very most. We gave you, our little minds, to mold and shape, we were your gift and we loved you so. But you hurt us with your words, you made us think, all our lives, that we were, what you told us we were. Now, you're gone and all we can remember, was that time, you told us, we were dumb and you laughed. It cut like a knife and I believed you. Please tell me, it's not true because I'll believe you, please say it isn't so, Grandpa, please tell me it isn't true?

The Royal Flush

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

This was sent to Aunt B via email...

I just don't know what to do?

Hi, and how are you today? Better then me I hope. N-E-Ways. I am a 23 year old female married to a 40 year old and have a relationship problem. I feel in order for you to fully understand my situation, I should give you some past information. See I met my husband about 4 or 5 years ago. I was with my ex and doing drugs and prostituting. He was a guy that picked me up. He was married at the time, but like all men say, he said his relationship was on the rocks and they slept in different rooms, exc. He came by to see me just about everyday and we became close, very close. He would pick me up and we wouldn't do anything sexual most of the time, we would just talk. Well I ended up leaving my ex for him. He divorced his wife and we are now married and living together as of 11/05. I have not done drugs since I have been with him, well I did slip once, but that was all. See we were all drunk and he ended up having sex with my sister, I left went back to my ex for about a week and got high. But we worked things out and I came back. He is a very controlling man. I am not allowed to talk to my family, which I can understand considering my mom is a real bad crack addict. But he doesn't want me having any friends. He says I can have friends, so I do have 2. But every time I talk to them he gets mad I'm on the phone. I am not allowed to go out anywhere with them. Nothing! I don't work, and I don't have a car. Well I had a car, but he sold it because He didn't want me to have that much freedom. I have a seizure disorder. So basically my life consists of staying home all the time, taking care of his 13 year old son, cleaning, cooking, and giving oral sex to my husband on demand, which is a least once a day. Now there are a few things I don't know what to do about. His son is 13 and he buys him whatever he wants. I suggested that maybe it is about time for his son to help out around the house. I'm not saying he has to do everything, but making his bed and taking the garbage out I think are reasonable request. He only makes his bed when I yell and even then usually my husband will do it for him and the garbage sits there till I get sick of looking at it and end up taking it out, or my husband once again does it for him. I get frustrated because I tell him to do something then his dad does it for him and it's sending the message that he does not have to listen to me. I tried talking to my husband and I turn into a bad guy for "picking on a 13 year old" What should I do???? Now my other problem. Back to the friends thing. I Started a my space account and started chatting with people on line. I posted pictures and people vote on them. We about a two weeks ago this guy john sent me a message. I wrote him back and told him to vote on my picture. Well we have been writing and joking around. He read my profile and saw I lived in PDistrust, Taken for Granted,ortage and I guess he lives like 4 hours away. Well he sends me a message joking saying he can't vote on my picture because a picture don't do justice and he wanted to see what I really looked like. I didn't respond. Two days later I got a new message from him saying he voted me a 10. So I left him a comment saying "Hey babe, thanks for taking all the time to come all the way over here to see me so and rating me a ten." Now I didn't mean it in the way that he actually came out here, I was being sarcastic because of his previous comment. Well my husband likes to check up and see the sites I go to on line and I guess he went to this guys page and say what I said. He got mad and started accusing me of having guys over and stuff. I told him he was really taking the message the wrong way. That How it sounds is not how it was meant. But he was still just being mean about it. So in order to make him feel better I deleted my, my space ,account. That way I couldn't be accused of nothing. I would rather go without talking to anyone then talking to people and being accused of cheating. So I thought that was the end of it, but when I called him on his cell phone later, I said hey papa. He goes" what are you calling me papa for you called john babe" I told him there was no meaning behind it. I have the two friends who are both females and I call them dear, and honey. He knows that. I didn't mean any harm by it and I deleted the whole my space account just to prove it, why is he still being an ass about it. So, what should I do??? What else can I do?? I love him but I don't know if this relationship is more trouble then it is worth. He is a ultimately a good man. But it seems as if he loves fighting over stupid petty stuff. I love him so much and everything I do is to please him. I cook everyday. The house is always clean. I don't cheat. I don't go out. I give him head on demand. What else could a man want. I just don't know what to do. Please help me. I am desperate.

Sincerely,

Confused Krissy




Aunt B said...

Dearest Krissy,
This one is easy, a no brainer, yet it's one of the most complicated letters, I've received to date. I have very mixed emotions here, I really do. I've been in that "Controlled" situation. Quick homework assignment;
Stockholm Syndrome.
I did your life for close to 19 years. so I do have a grasp of the situation. I danced topless when my 1st husband found me, I thought he rescued me. The man adored me but after a few years, I grew weary of being Fathered by my husband. But then, I jumped from the frying pan into the fire with #2 and he was so controlling and abusive. "I" changed who I was to meet his needs. I quit talking to family, friends and basically became secluded. My children were my refuse and yet, if I showed any affection towards them, when he was around, he found something to bitch them out about.
If we choose to, as people often do, we can find redeeming qualities in a rattlesnake. That is what I did and often told him he had the passion of one.
It is possible, that you have done the same thing. Right or wrong, this is something you either accept as your lot in life or you rise above it.
Example; he slept with your sister, ouch, that's gotta hurt. But it doesn't sound to me as if you are throwing it in his face. He may genuinely be hurt or may have a lack of trust because he does think that you fooled around with the MySpace guy. But he is also using it to keep you in check. He just doesn't know how good he's got it. But he's gambling that if he makes you feel like a little whore, you'll do your best to be a good girl and try to make it up to him. Fuck, I hate to say it girlfriend, but you're every man's dream of the perfect Concubine. Now, don't take offense to that. I'd call you a Courtesan but he's not royalty. Would sex slave,housekeeper, babysitter be a better term? He just doesn't know how good he's got it or maybe he does and is doing his best to keep you in your place, know where you are at all times and make you never give any attention to anything or anybody but him. When they come out with the Robotic capabilities of life size, life like women, I'm sorry but you will be replaced. A robot won't bitch about his kid or sass back, right?
His kid needs to do what he's told and respect what you ask of him. What he's breeding is a lazy little shit who'll screw up and never take responsibility, will not have good habits ingrained in him and will probably not have good habits. Often, we need to be good parents and less of a friend to our children, for their own good. But if his Dad or you tell him to do something and he doesn't and Dad turns around and picks up the slack, then the kid thinks his Dad is a chump and he can get away with shit. Mark my words, that kid will look for easy targets, the rest of his life. No, it's the little things like that, which are teaching tools and Dad is setting a pretty bad example. Making your bed and taking out the garbage are next to nothing and if he can't manage that, you watch, he'll not make it in the big bad world. Nope, we have to know that there are true and real consequences for our actions or we don't take life seriously. He sure as hell, doesn't respect his Dad or he'd do what was reasonably asked.
Back to you. Krissy, you're going to have to ask yourself, really what do you want in this life? I'm quite sure, it's not the lifestyle that hooking offers. That is one of the harshest worlds and you may feel like this guy saved you from that stark reality. In a sense he did. I want you to begin to gather your strength. I want you to begin to feel like more than a sex toy. I want you to look in the mirror and see the really wonderful woman you are. I want you to see, what you have to offer, to give, to some guy that deserves you. I could tell you that you deserve better but you don't believe it, now do you?
My advice to you is this; I don't think that you really realize that you are holding a hand full of Aces. What is the absolute worst thing this guy can do to you? Can he send you packing and back to a life, working the streets? Well, yes he could send you packing but he won't, he's not stupid. He'd be giving up the all time dream gig. If he is not abusive, which you didn't mention and I hope that is not going on, as I've been there, then what can he really do to you, you know to really hurt you? You've already lived a rough life and I'm sure you don't want to go back to hustling, I wouldn't but if it happened tomorrow, it sure wouldn't be the worst thing, would it as you can handle it. I'm not encouraging you to go back out. What I'm saying is I want you to put things back into perspective and look at your life as it is, can be, could be and what it won't be if you do not realize that in fact, you are calling the shots! Now, let's weigh this out for him, ok? Before you; He can go back to his lonely life, making his kids bed, doing his own housework, eating crappy meals and even paying for his sex. OR, he can wise up, realize that he has a good gal, who's not afraid of life and living it, keeps his home for him, looks after and tries to encourage his brat teen kid to do the right thing so he may just be an asset to his community, instead of a burden, cooks him a hot meal and his most certainly a woman any man would look forward to coming home to? I'm telling you, he will not throw all this away! He would be a fucking idiot, if he did and I'm quite sure that he's aware of it or was at one point. I think you may need to remind him. I ask you to take a chance and have him read this, if you dare. In the event that he does, I want him to realize just what he has, that so many men would wish they had. Even if you are not a princess or the best looking chick to walk down the pike, you can do better than to be treated any less than you should be or any less than a good woman deserves. I'll bet you just didn't see it this way. I also have a personal message for you and will include it with this link. I wish you only the very best. I encourage you to look in the mirror and stop sabotaging yourself. You've put yourself through enough already, it is your turn to have a good moment in life. You deserve to be happy and I hope you hear me.

Keeping It Real,

Aunt B