Monday, June 4, 2007

How Will You Be Remembered?

This was sent to Aunt B via email...

My husband calls our grand children names and thinks that it is funny, He used to call our children names and had them believe that they were dumb and stupid as they were only three and five years old at the time. They started school believing this. It took years to get them to believe in themselves and prove him wrong. He is doing this to a grand child of ours. Please give me help on this.

Judith *. *****

Dear Judith,

I know, you know, the answer to this but I imagine you want it in black & white, to affirm, your own assumptions, right?

I could not agree with you more. You just need to put it into perspective for Grandpa. Maybe, he can redeem himself and be wise, as a Grandfather should. Maybe, he can be help and not a hindrance, a guiding light instead of blinding.

We often do not realize that the littlest of things can mean the most, make the most impact on our lives. You must share with him, divine wisdom, so he may impart it upon his Grandchildren. I imagine that he wants them to respect him, right? Somehow, I just know, he is the type of man, that commands respect. If that is the case, then he needs to realize that, not only is that a tall order but he needs to be responsible with it. Old habits die hard but I do believe , you can teach an old dog, new tricks. It may very well be, the trick is a good ol' dose, of perspective. It'll be the medicine, he needs to swallow. Open wide, Grandpa...

In the Bible, it speaks of, the faith of a child. You must believe whole heartedly, to get into Heaven. Does it not? It says this for a reason. A child believes whole heartedly, what he/she is taught. They trust you, to guide and lead, they trust you with their very lives. A small example of such trust is, i.e., When Dad throws the baby in the air, playfully, that child has faith, that the Father will catch him. He laughs and giggles because he trusts that his Father will be there and not allow him to fall. This is true in a Spiritual sense, as well as a real and tangible scenario. So, that child grows to trust and believe, what he is told and probably respects his/her Mother and Father more than anyone else.

Parenting is a huge responsibility, I do believe we've lost sight of this. But I am not about to get on the soapbox and go on a tangent. Simply suffice it to say; We need to think, before we open our arrogant, know it all mouths. Our children are so impressionable and believe every word we utter. Maybe, he might question, what I just said, so, let me give you an example, so real, this premise can not be disputed;

Do we or do we not, tell our children and entertain the idea of Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and even the Tooth Fairy?

Every year, millions of people, the world over, take their children to see Santa and we tell them the story of a jovial fat guy, that rides in a sleigh, through the air, pulled by reindeer. He then shimmy's down the chimney and brings good girls and boys presents. He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows, if you've been good or bad...

Need I say more? Our children believe every word that comes from our mouths, completely and they do not question it. How far fetched is that whole story, a guy riding through the air with a sleigh full of presents, enough for every child? It's quite ridiculous but if Daddy says so or Grandpa told me, it must be true?

Your husband, most likely means no harm at all. I think he just doesn't realize the magnitude of the situation, calling names or the magnitude of his place in the family. His crown of gray hair is his honor and an honorable man only says and is accountable for his words. I'd be willing to bet that your husband is old school and believes in the premise that a man is only as good as his word, huh? His handshake is all that is needed to seal the deal because he's an honorable man.

He just forgot, how important his opinion is, how he is looked upon with the utmost respect and just how valuable his words are, especially, upon an impressionable child.

It's never to late, to do the right thing and for him to remember what he really stands for. He is a man, who has always meant well but had often allowed his anger, his words to just run out, like acid, before he thought about it. He needs to break that habit, right now. His Grandchildren will remember, long after his death, that he said mean things and called them dumb and stupid and that is what his memory will be, that's it, that's all. So sad, huh?

Or...he can be the good man, he's always been and be remembered for the wonderful knowledge, he possesses, his good work ethic and although he could be distant, at times, a good husband, who loved you and his family, enough to die for.

Dear Grandpa,

I hope you read this and realize that you are the Patriarch of your family, you hold the top spot, in this hierarchy. We want to remember you for your good qualities. We want to remember your smile and your kind words, your stories, your oral history and your craftsmanship.
We want your tombstone to read, "Loving Father, Grandfather and Husband," because deep down, that's who you are, a wonderful man, a man of his word, a man we respect and endear.
When we go to visit your grave, we do not want to read those words and think that they were lies because all we can remember, what sticks in our minds, is your words, that we were stupid and dumb. We felt worthless, when you said that because we looked up to you. We believed every word that came from your mouth because we respected you the very most. We gave you, our little minds, to mold and shape, we were your gift and we loved you so. But you hurt us with your words, you made us think, all our lives, that we were, what you told us we were. Now, you're gone and all we can remember, was that time, you told us, we were dumb and you laughed. It cut like a knife and I believed you. Please tell me, it's not true because I'll believe you, please say it isn't so, Grandpa, please tell me it isn't true?


John Jorkon said...

Aunt Babz, you are so on the money with this stuff. I read this and I am guilty of doing this and hadn't thought about it. Thank you and keep doing.

Aunt Babz said...

Dear John, that's humerous, huh? I thank you. A lot of people, are guilty of this and never even realize it. Again, I thank you for your comment.

Miranda said...

That is so true, I grew up with alot of that, not necessarily the name calling. But put down enough for 'stupid' things I did or said. I think when one hears it enough they begin to believe it.

Ask Aunt B said...

Miranda, oh my, it's so good to hear from you. I hope you are well and I'm glad you agree.