Monday, June 18, 2007

"No Tolerance"

This was sent to Aunt B via email...

Dear Aunt B,

I am from a polygamous family and the only child of my mum to that family. My mum is late, and my dad seems to love me. Now, my half brother hated me and always beat me up at the slightest mistake. Advice me

Thank you.

It’s about hatred from my half brother. He felt our dad loves me more than the rest children.He so hated me with passion. I feel like moving away from the house. Quarrelling and fighting often times. Just share hate.

Do have a lovely week.


Dear James,

It must be difficult for you and I can surely understand, you feeling discouraged. Actually, discouraged, may be putting it mildly. It must be equally difficult when you're Mum is not there to comfort, guide and let you know you are loved. It is good to hear, that your Dad loves you.

You do not say, how old you are or how long you must live under the same roof as your half-brothers. I assume you are a teen? I also assume, moving out is not the answer?

My own, youngest son, was treated harshly because, his own brothers believed he was my second husbands son and their half-brother. They treated him badly because of this. He had blue eyes, like my second husband and was raised by my second husband who treated him preferably. Children sense this, even if no harm is intended. My youngest was really their, full blood brother but they were so mean to him, growing up. I do not believe they would have treated him this way, had they realized that blood is blood, family is family and respect for one another is just that.

Can you go to your Father and ask him to Mediate, between you two? Ask for a sit down, to talk. Ask your father to allow you to talk and your aim, is not to make your brother look bad but to work things out between you both.

Tell your brother that he is just that, your brother and you want his favor. Remind him, with your dad sitting there, that you are family and you want to get along. Make him aware that you have no need for this partition between you two. Tell him that you want to get along and the way things have been going, it all really hurts. Use these words," Brothers should be there for each other. I want to turn things around. I don't want to behave as a child and I don't want any resentment between us." See, you know why your brother is acting out of jealousy and it is not your fault, if he feels that your Dad cares for you more. You tell him, that you do not feel that your father cares for you differently than him and loves you equally. So, who is at fault here, if they have animosity? It is your brothers fault, unless you have provoked him or your father has provoked him. You explain that and make him painfully aware, that your Mum is gone and your family is all you have. A father's love is all you have and you no longer want to feel guilty when you receive your fathers love.

Then, you make your first stand as a man; You stand to shake his hand. You ask him, if you two can become brothers, from this day forward and throw the enemy out.

James dear, if I were you, I would write it all down, on paper. I would try to use the approach I have offered. I would set the stage by asking your Dad to intervene, only by sitting in on the talk. You make sure your dad knows your heart, your motive. That is to bridge this gap and put this pain aside. You explain that you are not trying to start a fight but end one, forever. You only request his presence as an intermediary, not a referee. This will also allow a captive audience with your brother and he will be forced to look at his issues and his behavior.

James, allow this to be your first stand, as a man. Allow this to be a life lesson. Learn from it all and how to see your confidence build, when you take your own destiny, your own issues and make a stand.

"While it is important, for people to know what we stand for, it is equally important, for them to know, what we will not stand for."
Aunt Babz

You must make take a stand and assertively state the fact that you no longer want to live this way. You must not be a martyr, for the cause of Polygamy. You must stop being a victim. I am not calling you a sissy. Read that again. Your feelings are real. Your feelings are understandable and valid. I am telling you, right here, right now, that I completely feel for you. But if you want this to stop, you must take a "no tolerance stance."

Put on Aunt Babz Signature Cologne; Confidence/Empowerement

You will no longer tolerate being treated like you have done something wrong because your father loves you. You will no longer tolerate your brother treating you badly because he has issues, with that love. If he has issues about the equality of your fathers love, between you both, he needs to take it up with his father, right then, while you are at your sit down meeting. You will no longer tolerate any of it and from this day forward, he will treat you like a brother or leave you alone.

Your situation is unique to you. But many young men, must grow up quickly without the love and presence of their Mother. But James, she is there, you need only to reach out to her and she will comfort you. She brought you here. Out of the millions of pages on the internet, you were guided here. There is no such thing as luck, coincidence or magic. Remember this. You were guided here. Your Mum is always with you and will comfort you. She often touches your ear, to let you know she's there. You felt it but didn't know what it was, did you?

Write it all down, use the words I have given you and make your point. It will change your life. If you do this with the confidence that's within you, your brother will respect you from that day forward.

It is a rite of passage, from boy to man, when you learn to stand up for what you will not tolerate in your life. Remember the words, "No Tolerance."

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