Saturday, June 30, 2007

Ray of Sunshine

This was sent to Aunt B via email...

I wish to stay anonymous, I'm 30 weeks pregnant but im not 100% sure who the
farther is i had a 1 night stand but used a condom, iv not used owt wiv my
partner for a year i used to be on the pill but came off to start a
family,if my baby isn't my partners i don't want her, i love my partner so much
and there is no way on earth i can tell him,i need advice because its eating
away at me,thanks x

Dear Friend,

I feel for your dilemma and understand how, right now, this may not be a joyful time. I did not completely understand, your whole email but I will try to answer you.

I've put a couple links at the bottom, that may or may not be helpful. But I take it, you do not want to tell him about this one night stand. Once your child is born, you may be able to tell, if it's his or not. Regardless, the child is still yours.

The question, I don't think you've thought about, is this; if you decide, after having this child, that the baby is not his, how in the hell will you tell him, that you are going to give the child up for adoption? If he thinks the child is his, from the start, he'll think you're drunk or crazy, for thinking, you're going to give his child away. Do you see what I'm saying? You can't have this child and just give it away. You'd have to tell him, why, you'd possibly want to put the baby up for adoption, anyway.

If I was in your situation, I'd have to tell him the truth...after the baby is born. It will do no good to tell him, till then. Or you can choose to wait and maybe, somehow, get his DNA and send it in, to be determined. They do have kits, to do it at home. Possibly, you could say, you need something for the Doctor? Most men hate to go to the Doctor's right? So, when the baby has her first cold and she will, you say the Doctor needs a sample, to make sure it's not strep or something. Most DNA tests consist of a large cotton swab. You must run it back and forth, on the inside of your cheek, several times, I think 6-7 times. Then, you send it away for testing.

It's rather deceptive but I don't know what else to tell you. I am not going to scold you (Who am I to do that, anyway, haha!). What's done is done. Remember, when you have sex, anytime, no matter what, you must realize, that there may be consequences. Even with birth control, you can get pregnant. Even with a condom, you can get pregnant and you may or rather, there's always the possibility to contract an STD. But you know that now, right? I write this for the benefit of anyone reading this.

You know, I never wanted children, never. I became pregnant at the age of 16 and all my girlfriends told me to go get an abortion. Something in me, told me that it is wrong, don't do it. Back then, abortion was not explained as it is now and we didn't have the same understanding. In other words, we were made to think it was merely another means of birth control. It is not and if you knew what they did, how it's done and what the fetus looks like before and after, you just might change your mind. But my point is this; I never wanted children, as I said. But after I had my son and he held onto my hand and loved on me unconditionally, I can't imagine, my life without him. I had two more sons and as rough as it was being a single Mom, I could never live without them in my life.

Once you have this child, you may feel differently. Hopefully, this child shines, in your eyes. I hope she is your ray of sunshine. Right now, things seem rather dismal and dark but this is a product, half you and hopefully half, the fella that you love. I hope and pray it is, for your sake. I do have a good feeling though, that all will be well. But it never hurts to pray, now does it? It also never hurts, to talk to the big guy, apologize from the heart and ask him to take control.
Remember this.

Write to me, after the baby is born and then, tell me how you feel. I will wait patiently.

Genetic Testing Laboratories (At Home)

DNA Testing (At Home)

How To On Adoption


Nathan said...

Yes this dilemma is a tough one.
I see some alternatives:

You could not tell your partner and just have the baby.

You could have an abortion.

You could make a DNA/paternity test after given birth to the baby, nowadays you can get a home kit for under $ 30 or you can have an clinic do it.

You can discuss the situation with your partner. I will not really recommend anything since I don't know your relation, I will just point out some alternatives as I see it.

You must however take in consideration that you actually talking about not only you and the father but also another human, the baby, so if you decide to wait out and have the baby and it comes out after the paternity test that it's not your partner's you will have a situation maybe even harder.

Good luck to you, and make a good decision.

Ask Aunt B said...

Nathan, thank you for weighing in with some good advice. As well, I thank you for the useful link to DNA testing.

You are welcome to comment any time my friend!