This was sent to Aunt Babz via email...
Dear Aunt B,
So I met this boy on my birthday a couple of weekends ago on my birthday. We totally hit it off and had a great evening. We flirted a bit at the end of the evening he asked for my phone number. I finally heard from him a week later and we have been talking everyday since. A few days after he started talking to me he told me that he needed to talk to me about something that he should have told me in the beginning. At this point he told me that he was so incredibly sorry that he had not been honest with me in the beginning but he does have a girlfriend. But things with his girlfriend have been really rough for a while. He said that the moment he met me reminded him on what it’s like to have feelings for someone again. He kept apologizing to me and said that the last thing he ever wanted to do was mess with my head or hurt me. It was truly the best apology that I’ve ever gotten in my life. He said he really has feelings for me but just doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t want me to stop talking to him and says that I’m not getting in the way. But sometimes I feel like he’s really into talking to me and sometimes I feel the opposite.. I’m really confused on what to do because I do have feelings for this guy and really enjoy talking to him but I don’t know whether I’m bothering him by talking to him or how I would and what should I do about the situation he’s in? Should I continue to talk to him and see where it takes us so should I really just leave him alone and let him come to me? And if I should continue to talk to him, should I really try to get his attention or should I just play it cool?
Sincerely,
Confused
Dear Confused,
You really like this guy and it may have blinded you. Otherwise, you'd have seen the Yield Signs. Then again, if you didn't have some indicators of caution, you'd not have written, right?
I like this guy but I want you to go into to this with your eyes, wide open. First, you must look at the fact, that he was and is, in another relationship, when he asked for your phone number. Could he or would he do this to you, if you were to get into a relationship?
My point is this; no matter how painful things may get or be, we must embrace complete honesty, in our relationships. What am I talking about?
Ask yourself, if he's that unhappy, with his current girlfriend and it's that rocky, that he would have the audacity, to ask you for your phone number, why is he still with her?
I am glad he was honest enough to inform you about this other girl but he's getting no medal from me. What is his motive for telling you? Is it because you may find out, about her? I don't know?
He needs to break up with her, if he's going to talk to you. Now, I can tell you've over looked all this because you do like him, a lot, right? I am not going to tell you that this can never work but you must make a stand.
I think you should tell him that you really enjoy his company, talking to him and you would love to further get to know him. But he needs to call you when he's single and not until.
Open your eyes, wide enough to realize that, he's not being honest with her, either. I don't believe you'd viewed this from her standpoint, have you? How will you feel, if and when he does the same thing to you? If you were to become a couple and things just aren't working out, unbeknownst to you, would it hurt you, if you found he was talking shit to another girl, in the name of a rocky relationship, between you two? I'm not saying he would do it but a man is only as good as his words and actions.
My advice; Girlfriend, you must respect yourself first and never play second fiddle. Did you realize that you were? I am not telling you that your feelings, as well as his are bad. I am not saying he is a bad guy but he may not realize how deceitful, he is being. Tell him to clean up his act and then call you. You owe it to yourself, to demand this. You must always live under the premise, to do unto others, as you want them to do, unto you.
My friend, Mz. Karma Bitchslap™ , someone I met, up close and personal, is not real fond of dishonesty, deceitful, down-n-dirty behavior. I know, I was living my life with complete disregard for others. I was a nasty, vengeful, liar, thief and down right dirty bitch. I did whatever I wanted and didn't care who I hurt, self-will run riot. Quite often, I did things, regardless but I didn't think before I did my crimes. I explained things away, that I had to do whatever it was, I felt needed to be done. Many people were hurt, in the wake of my wrath, my behavior. Eventually, it caught up with me and I met Mz. Karma. She put me in Prison and gave me perspective. Now, we're good friends but she taught me, a few things;
- Do not judge until I've walked a Millennium in their Moccasin.
- If I don't want it done to me, I'd better not do it to them.
- Don't sweat the small shit and it's all small shit.
- I have choices, in everything I do, everything.
- Try to live without Regret.
- Be Assertive, not Passive-Aggressive.
- The Name of the Game is Tame the Shame.
- Stop saying, "Why me?"
- Start saying, "Yes, Me!"
- Realize the Key to Life is Love, Laughter, Family.
- Life is a series of Tests, learn from them.
- When I pass a test, I'm given another piece to The Puzzle.
- The Puzzle pieces are to The Big Picture; Your Life.
- Live, Learn, Love, Laugh.
- Let Go & Let God.
