Be That Woman

This was sent to Aunt B via email...

I feel like I'm sexually trapped with this guy. i love him and all, but he's
not my boyfriend yet i still have sex with him and it alwayz hurtz me cuz i
recently lost my virginity to him and after him i haven't been wit anybody
for 4 monthz and when we met up again, we did it and it hurt worse then da
first time. i really dont wanna have sex wit him cuz i alwayz feel awkward
after but i feel so weak. i dont know wat to do. any advice? i feel so
trapped. i neva had deez problems wen i was 16. im 18 now and feel like one
of those naive 16 yr olds that lyfe jennings be singin about in dat S.E.X
song. plz hellp me wit some kinda wordz of encouragement or wisdom. i keep
praying but i still dont see no way out.




Dear G-Friend,
Well, my dear, you are plotting out a life of undo able harm to yourself, if you continue down this path.You are allowing this guy to train you, as concubine. Now, that may sound harsh but do not think I speak about anything I have not experienced my self. I had sex with guys simply because I was afraid to say no. They might not like me then or maybe, they would be mean. Often times, I really wanted nothing to do with them but they would come on to me and I had such a hard time saying no.
You must begin to value yourself and your virtue. It is not to be handed to any one, whenever they want it. That cheapens you and you are the one that is hurt by it. You must learn that, your body is yours and giving this to someone you don't even really care about, well they have a saying, "Why buy the cow, when you get the milk free." That means, why should he court you, show you any kind of respect or even caring conversation, if you'll give him what he wants, free of charge, no strings attached.

Most guys would just love to find somebody, they will call, "Easy," behind your back. You are not easy, you are just misguided.

Is it possible, that you are lonely and you seek the attention of anyone, just love me please? I did. They didn't love me, they simply used me. Not all of course but more than I care to admit. I thought if I gave in to their sexual needs, they would like me. many, too many girls think this. Quite often, they cry and are in pain, once they realize or hear how the guy talked about what a sleeze they were, what a joke and what a bimbo.

Don't be their Bimbo. I guarantee, you will not die alone. You will find the right guy, one who appreciates you, when and if, you guard your virtue. See, most guys do not respect an easy chick. They get what they want and move on to the next. They don't take you seriously and do not consider you girlfriend material. You have done this to yourself and you're not even aware of it.

Now, look carefully at this next word;

NO
NO
NO


Now, practice saying it over and over. Envision saying it and walking away from this guy that is actually taking advantage of a good thing. Put on your Bitch Belt and walk away. You will see the power in the word, once you say it. You must not fold. You'll find another guy. Don't be desperate and your desperate look will disappear. I guarantee, if you stand up to this guy and say no, the worst thing to happen is he calls you a sleeze or whatever. Now, if that were to happen, you claim it and say, "You bet your ass, I am." Never let them make you cringe.Guys do not pray on an assertive woman. Be that woman.

Life Is Too Short...Just Say It

This was sent to Aunt Babz via email...

Hi Aunt B,

I’ve never written in to an advice column before in my life, so I hope this is okay. There’s this girl that I work with that I’m really good friends with. Her name is Sarah. She’s a year younger than me and I know her brother. They’ve had some family problems in the past (her Dad’s in jail for white-collar crime, stealing $1.6 million from clients), and recently we’ve talked about these issues. Usually she doesn’t talk about this stuff with other people, so I feel like we’re pretty close. I really like her.

I’m going to prom tonight with a girl I don’t really like, we’re just friends. Her name is Alecia. Sarah knows of the situation and is going to prom with a guy I’m friends with named Justin. They’re both just friends also, in fact, he asked her to the prom just yesterday because his other date dropped him at the last minute. Alecia asked me about a month ago, and we’ve clearly established that we’re just going as friends. In fact, the more I get to know her the less I like her: she’s very very dramatic and very very fat. Perfect package, right? I know seem shallow, just hear me out.

Anyway, I really like Sarah. Both of us are pretty busy, especially lately, but I’m meeting her after school this Wednesday to give her my parking permit (I finish school before she does). I want to say something that lets her know I’m interested in her, but I don’t want to overwhelm her in case she doesn’t feel the same way. Either way, I want to remain close friends after this, so I just kind of want to “push open the door,” so to speak. I’ll only have a few minutes; she’s just stopping by on her way to her dance class, but what should I say? Also, next school year we won’t be in the same school. I’ll be in college about 45 minutes away, and she’ll be a senior in high school. Do you think it’s still worth it to try and begin a relationship?

Please, if you publish this change all names…thanks!

Bob





Hi Bob,

Well, it goes like this; A smart guy uses all his resources and tools to get the job done. It is surely not a sign of weakness to write and get an objective opinion or someone to play Devil’s Advocate. Actually, I think it’s pretty damn intelligent, so nix those thoughts. Now, let’s see what we can do here… I realize you don’t have much time here, so I will try to answer you as quickly as possible. I think you are asking, what would be the appropriate thing to say to Sarah, to not seem pushy, yet, let her know, that she is on your mind, right? If you get this in time, you could do one or both things, I will suggest; You could get a nice card, “Thinking of You” or even a nice “Thank You” card. Either one, you put a endearing message that speaks, for itself without going over the top, right? Let’s say, you give her the Thinking of You card. On the inside of the card, you simply say, something like, “More often than not,” or even “Always.” If you give her the Thank You card, you could say something like, “For always putting a smile on my face,” or a more a more defining approach, would be, “Because I have enjoyed our friendship.” That doesn’t give away too much, it’s something that will make her think and if she doesn’t feel the same way as you (I think she does) it gives you a spot, not looking like you’re saying anything more than, it’s been a fun friendship. I know how you guys are and more often than not, you have a hard time saying how you really feel, for fear of looking like a mushy goober. Yet, in all honesty, girls love a mushy goober. This is why I suggested, handing her a card, along with the Parking Pass, maybe even a single yellow rose or other flower. Let me tell you Bob, you only live once, you get one go around. Don’t waste it on words, you can’t say. Use those tools, cards, text messages, emails, whatever it takes to say what needs to be said. Really, what’s the worst thing she could ever say to you, “Get lost, go away, get a life, get over it?” She can break your heart, she can chew you up but she can’t eat you, right? I guess what I’m saying is, go out on a limb cause this girl is real nice and the biggest piece is that you, respect her, don’t you? She has you thinking, doesn’t she? Why is that? I’ll tell you why; she’s not a bimbo and you respect her for her intelligence. She’s a young woman and they are subject to change but somehow, I think she has a genuine heart. She’s not like those other girls, either. Nope, she’s a young lady you hold in high regard and that’s what you are attracted to, huh? She carries herself well and is not loud and boisterous. I am not saying she’s a meek and mild little girl, innocent or anything like that. What I mean is, she’s well rounded and you can talk to her. She doesn’t embarrass you. See, you could go after that “Trophy Chick” and after you’ve had your way with her, she can’t even hold a conversation. I am not trying to bring sex into the equation but it’s a fact, a real life situation, and the sleazy bimbo’s often, do not make good wives. I’m not trying to push marriage either. I am giving you “Life Advice.” What I mean is this, when you are looking for a “Girlfriend,” you want somebody that is well rounded. In most relationships, sex does become a factor, right? If she’s a bimbo, you have sex, that lasts, maybe, minutes to a couple of hours and then what, you two have nothing to talk about. I can tell, that you are a fairly nice guy and you “ain’t no dummy.” So, you need a gal, you can have deep conversations with, who’s on the same page, right? That was just a little sidebar on the situation. Yes, I think you should pursue this and could either give her the card or simply say, “I don’t want our friendship to end because I am leaving. I enjoy your company. Can I call you?” Then, you smile and wink at her. All else will fall into place.