Reality

My Dearest Readers,

I'd written this comment to a young man, a few years ago. He happens to be Gay and was having a hard time with his identity. I'd found it, the comment, on his website. He'd posted it as a separate post as he'd stated he felt he needed to hear it.

Maybe, you might need to hear it especially if you are young and you may also be coming to grips with who you are and/or questioning just what the hell life is actually all about???

Growing up is never easy and we tend to spend our youth always wishing we were older. Once we reach and become "of age" we find all the duty and responsibility that comes along with being and becoming an adult, well, it sure ain't a bowl of cherries. The next thing ya know, you're wishing you could still be a kid again. Yes, when life was not so complex and possibly less painful.

So, if you're young and happen to be reading this, the best advice I could give you is to not rush to be an adult, it's not all it's cracked up to be, believe me. Always strive to be yourself, treat others as you want to be treated, say what needs to be said as tomorrow is never promised. Yes, live like there's no tomorrow and...

Reality. Some people have it all in this world. Some of us don't have a pot to piss in. It is good to strive to be in the middle cause anything else is just gravy. Don't expect it and it won't be a disappointment.

Aim high but stay low, don't ever be pretentious and things will fall in to place. Don't sweat the small shit and it's all small shit. Very important! But equally important, don't wait for anybody to save your ass. You are alone.

Whomever you choose to cushion your world with is a bonus but don't count on it. Have a higher power. Gay or not, God knows who you are and loves you. Does he make mistakes? I think not and he created you in His image. It is deviant behavior that he doesn't like and you know what I'm talking about, those nasty trollops.

Fail to plan, plan to fail but don't obsess. Don't be lazy. If something needs to be done that's important, you'll feel much better getting it done, then you can breathe. But those f'n dishes can wait when it's time to enjoy what life's really all about:

'Love, Laughter and Family'

Keeping It Real,

Aunt B

Bull and Baggage

Dear Aunt B,

My boyfriend got put in jail 7 months ago about 2 months ago i meet a really nice man me and him hit it off right away but he was dating this girl for a 13 months but after talking to me he started to like me a lot and broke it off with this chick.Me and him jumped into way too fast and he started to think about his ex so me and him broke up and month has passed and he still dint know who he wanted to be with finnaly him and the chick got back together but he tells me how much they fight and that he tierd of all her shit and he likes me so much and how wonderful i am i just dont know what to do i try to move on but he doesnt want me to date anyone he gets upset when i go out and chill with my guys friends and the hardest part is i am the one that always makes him smile when he is upset so it hurts to be the one upseting him its crazy how me and this guy are alike and the sad part is he knows it to I Just really dont know what to do

thanks for your time

*Kayli
Nicole*

Dear K***

Okay. This is going to be short, but really you don’t need a big long elaboration on something so simple.

Seems to me that this new guy you were seeing isn’t worth your time. He obviously wants you and his girlfriend, and he obviously cannot commit fully to one woman. So why are you hanging around??

You deserve a lot better, and you will find a lot better, but only if you give it up with this guy. He is bad news.

Completely break the ties with this guy and move on. You will thank us for it later.

~Xmichra


Dear *Kayli Nicole*,

You've heard the expression, "Having your cake and eating it too," right? This guy wants it all. He will continue to have it all as long as you allow it. Things will not change either until you do one of two things; Put your foot down and tell this guy you don't play relationship games or better yet; you move on and find a guy that you don't need to fix, without all the bull and baggage.

More importantly, I'd like you to think about a few things; Him & Her. I want you to do a "View Over." This is a my metaphorical name, one which I use where you try to place yourself in a different place and time, you hover over the scene/situation. You will then see that situation in a different light. It is my metaphorical expression but I want you to, literally, in your mind, go to him and her. This may be a bit uncomfortable...

Ask yourself and peer into that room, where he is with her...does he say the same things to her? Does she know about you? If she does know about you, is he telling her that same line he feeds you? And most of all, if he'd fool around on her with you and with you on her, what's to stop him from playing the same game, maybe down the road but with some new girl?

G-Friend, this is a whole set-up and you need to get as far away from him as possible. Pull off that Band-Aid, feel the sting, open your eyes, wide open, get angry, calm down and move on. There's a guy just waiting to meet you, right now. He's wishing he could meet a girl who'd be loyal and true blue. He's so sad without you and he has so much to give. No, he's not rich but he works hard and will work even harder at making you smile. Open Your Eyes!!!

Let me know when you meet him...

Keeping It Real,

Aunt Babz

The Marriage Bed

Dear Aunt Babz

I have been talking to a guy who I knew in High School. He has been married for 11 yrs. and they have an 11 yr. old daughter. He works very hard to give them all they need. He has wanted a divorce for about 2 yrs. now. When he tells her if she doesnt start paying attention to him or showing affection and to quit spending all her time with the horses than he is asking for a divorce. She of course changes for about a week and then its back to the same thing. He hasnt slept in the same bed with her for about 9 yrs. because she says he snores and keeps her awake, so he has slept on the couch.

He and I have been talking about starting a life together and he has asked her for a divorce. So my question is in order for him to not lose everything in the case that she does find out that we are sort of seeing each other should he try to get a legal separation asap? Or is it even going to make a difference if she finds out before he can get a divorce?

Dear Friend,

You can bet your bippy, if she finds out, she will use it against you. Now, I am not a legal eagle and my contact is out of the States at the moment but I would advise him to file for separation with Irreconcilable Differences. In most states, you must show cause or make a claim of some sort that validates your reasoning for that divorce.

To remain amicable is the key here. He needs to come at her from a place of "letting her go," in hopes that she will one day be happy. What I mean is that all and everything changes if the wording is right. He should point out the fact that she is not happy with him and a marriage is legally and morally not a marriage if they do not even share the marriage bed.

I don't care too much for snoring myself and had laid awake many sleepless nights due to the sawing sound, a constant from my spouse. But I never ever would selfishly allow my *husband to sleep on the couch. I sure as hell would not thoughtlessly allow it to go on unattended for 9 years. That's just wrong and he needs to point it all out.


I wore ear plugs and do till this very day even though I am no longer in that or any other relationship. I just got used to wearing them and what a difference a good pair of ear plugs can make. I do believe it could actually make or break a marriage that is already in conflict.

Their marriage has remained in that conflict and the icing on the cake was kicking him out of that bed. Even if he went voluntarily out of the goodness of his heart, I still have a problem with a woman that would allow her husband to remain on that couch for all those years.

Once again, I will mention that writing a letter, carefully orchestrated, mindfully worded may make the biggest difference in this situation. Yes, file for that separation but in addition, he should write a letter to her explaining that while he'll always love her, neither of them are in love any longer as it's perfectly transparent by her long term actions of disillusion.

I think it would be paramount to point out that he does not want to find fault with the obvious but merely take her by the hand and walk her through an amicable separation. He should tell her that he has not been happy as things are and it has gone on long enough. He should also point out that while she did try to for a minute, she seems unable to afford him what he needs; the basic fundamentals of any relationship. Those fundamental, every day items, are first and foremost sharing the marriage bed. As well, if the affection is gone, the attention is lacking, even on the most testimonial and affiance level, he needs to make her aware that it is not normal but more importantly, detrimental emotions he needs, requires and is not and has not seen, felt or known for many years.

It might be important for him to look in the mirror and see just what he may have attributed to the demise of his marriage. Fessing up to that in the letter would show that he realizes that he played a part. It is not a matter of looking for or to blame but simply showing that you are not pointing the finger or placing blame. Believe it or not, the manner in which you state things will make all the difference in the world as to whether she takes a defensive stance and fights this or makes a common realization as to her own part in this regrettable situation.

I encourage you both to be considerate and set aside any hateful differences. Your approach to this dissent will make the difference. If he has a positive tone in his words and he chooses to let her know that he is aware of how this may be a painful process, it may go farther than an attack defense. Let her know as well that it is not your aim to cause her grief but to right the wrong that has gone on way too long. This is real important and may make a huge impact in the proceeds to follow. Then hopefully, you two just might be able to move on, proceed forward on a positive and happy note and most of all; guilt free.



Keeping It Real,

Aunt Babz

*Just for the record; what happens in your marriage comes in part from what you allow. If you behave as a victim, you will always be a victim.




Babs, that's pretty solid advice for the dude. On a different note though... to the writer of the letter, and i am trying not to be a bitch here i really am. But you gotta back off.If the marriage is doomed and is going to fail, then it will without your interference. And if it was meant to be, a life with this guy. Then he will look for you afterwards. my personal take is neither of you should be party to extra-marital ideas. but that's just me. And maybe you two are destined for each other, who am i to say. But regardless of how the two of you feel, HE is married. And if he feels that he needs to end the marriage because he is unhappy, then he should do that instead of being disrespectful to his wife. Which is to say, have a relationship with anyone else while married to her. I am not in any way saying that he doesn't need to get out of this marriage, i have no idea what his life is like. But you can bet 100% that if there is any fallacy on his part he can, and likely will be nailed to the wall. Why? Because people, regardless of how they treat each other in a marriage, have a butt load of rights when it comes to unfaithfulness. And you don't need to be having sex to prove that. OOOH no. He says that they don't sleep in the same bed? That she is unkind and ignores him? Very well could be the truth. Then again maybe not, can he prove that? However, him having an on-line relationship and discussing moving on with his life with you? Definitely a legal no-brainer. You definitely need to be careful, and both of you need to cool the jets until he can get through to his wife and end the marriage. Continuing the e-mails and talking will likely land him with nothing, and maybe even blaming his own actions and thinking the online relationship was a big mistake and ditching you too. You just don't know. be careful with this one.

~Xmichra~

Words of Encouragement

Most people in the world are day people: they get their best work done in the late morning hours. But some people work best late at night, like Anton Rubinstein. Mornings were like poison to this famous Russian pianist: he found it very difficult even to get up early. But sometimes he had to get up early to meet the schedule of a concert tour, and it was Mrs. Rubinstein’s task to help him do this. In the early years of their relationship, she had tried alarm clocks of all kinds, and she had tried pushing him out of bed, but nothing worked. He would either fall back to sleep, or be so sluggish that he’d miss his appointment anyway.

Finally, though, after years of experimenting, she managed to find a way to wake him up in the morning. He had spent his life refining his sensitivity to music, to the point that he could hear the smallest flaw in a piece. Mrs. Rubinstein found that the easiest way to get her husband up was to go to the piano and begin playing scales-but only seven of the eight notes. After she had played the faulty scale a few times, Anton would be out of bed and at the piano, wide awake, and itching to finish the scale properly.

We all have problems with motivation from time to time. The trick is to find a system that will get us moving again. Your system may be tied in with your personality, hobbies, or life goals. But try to find that thing which will re-motivate you, and keep it near at hand.