Words to Live By

This was sent to Aunt Babz via email...

Dear Aunt B,

So I met this boy on my birthday a couple of weekends ago on my birthday. We totally hit it off and had a great evening. We flirted a bit at the end of the evening he asked for my phone number. I finally heard from him a week later and we have been talking everyday since. A few days after he started talking to me he told me that he needed to talk to me about something that he should have told me in the beginning. At this point he told me that he was so incredibly sorry that he had not been honest with me in the beginning but he does have a girlfriend. But things with his girlfriend have been really rough for a while. He said that the moment he met me reminded him on what it’s like to have feelings for someone again. He kept apologizing to me and said that the last thing he ever wanted to do was mess with my head or hurt me. It was truly the best apology that I’ve ever gotten in my life. He said he really has feelings for me but just doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t want me to stop talking to him and says that I’m not getting in the way. But sometimes I feel like he’s really into talking to me and sometimes I feel the opposite.. I’m really confused on what to do because I do have feelings for this guy and really enjoy talking to him but I don’t know whether I’m bothering him by talking to him or how I would and what should I do about the situation he’s in? Should I continue to talk to him and see where it takes us so should I really just leave him alone and let him come to me? And if I should continue to talk to him, should I really try to get his attention or should I just play it cool?

Sincerely,

Confused

Dear Confused,

You really like this guy and it may have blinded you. Otherwise, you'd have seen the Yield Signs. Then again, if you didn't have some indicators of caution, you'd not have written, right?

I like this guy but I want you to go into to this with your eyes, wide open. First, you must look at the fact, that he was and is, in another relationship, when he asked for your phone number. Could he or would he do this to you, if you were to get into a relationship?

My point is this; no matter how painful things may get or be, we must embrace complete honesty, in our relationships. What am I talking about?

Ask yourself, if he's that unhappy, with his current girlfriend and it's that rocky, that he would have the audacity, to ask you for your phone number, why is he still with her?

I am glad he was honest enough to inform you about this other girl but he's getting no medal from me. What is his motive for telling you? Is it because you may find out, about her? I don't know?

He needs to break up with her, if he's going to talk to you. Now, I can tell you've over looked all this because you do like him, a lot, right? I am not going to tell you that this can never work but you must make a stand.

I think you should tell him that you really enjoy his company, talking to him and you would love to further get to know him. But he needs to call you when he's single and not until.

Open your eyes, wide enough to realize that, he's not being honest with her, either. I don't believe you'd viewed this from her standpoint, have you? How will you feel, if and when he does the same thing to you? If you were to become a couple and things just aren't working out, unbeknownst to you, would it hurt you, if you found he was talking shit to another girl, in the name of a rocky relationship, between you two? I'm not saying he would do it but a man is only as good as his words and actions.


My advice; Girlfriend, you must respect yourself first and never play second fiddle. Did you realize that you were? I am not telling you that your feelings, as well as his are bad. I am not saying he is a bad guy but he may not realize how deceitful, he is being. Tell him to clean up his act and then call you. You owe it to yourself, to demand this. You must always live under the premise, to do unto others, as you want them to do, unto you.


My friend, Mz. Karma Bitchslap™ , someone I met, up close and personal, is not real fond of dishonesty, deceitful, down-n-dirty behavior. I know, I was living my life with complete disregard for others. I was a nasty, vengeful, liar, thief and down right dirty bitch. I did whatever I wanted and didn't care who I hurt, self-will run riot. Quite often, I did things, regardless but I didn't think before I did my crimes. I explained things away, that I had to do whatever it was, I felt needed to be done. Many people were hurt, in the wake of my wrath, my behavior. Eventually, it caught up with me and I met Mz. Karma. She put me in Prison and gave me perspective. Now, we're good friends but she taught me, a few things;

1. Do not judge until I've walked a Millennium in their Moccasin.
   
2. If I don't want it done to me, I'd better not do it to them.
   
3. Don't sweat the small shit and it's all small shit.
4. I have choices, in everything I do, everything.
5. Try to live without Regret.
6. Be Assertive, not Passive-Aggressive.
7. The Name of the Game is Tame the Shame.
8. Stop saying, "Why me?"
9. Start saying, "Yes, Me!"
10. Realize the Key to Life is Love, Laughter, Family.
11. Life is a series of Tests, learn from them.
12. When I pass a test, I'm given another piece to The Puzzle.
13. The Puzzle pieces are to The Big Picture; Your Life.
14. Live, Learn, Love, Laugh.
15. Let Go & Let God.
    

Words to live by, eh?

Getting Unstuck

This was sent to Aunt B via email...

Hello Aunt B,
I'll be 33 in July, am a quarter shy of a degree which I don't really want, won't get me the job I originally wanted and which I still owe a lot of money for and I can't seem to find anything which really inspires me or that I'm passionate about and would also make good money. I guess what I'm looking for is some helpful advice or inspiration...?
Steve




Dear Steve,

Congrats on the Degree! I think I could answer this more comprehensively, if I knew what you are getting the degree in. But in some ways, it really doesn't matter. Let me explain why...

Happiness is a state of mind.I've dined with Generals and Homeless, I partied with Mechanics and Millionaires. I've spoken with, at length, Garbagemen and Sports Coaches, Chemists, Lawyers, Doctors, Drug Dealers, Senators,Prisoners doing Life, Coroners, Police Officers, Landscapers, Undercover Drug Agents and the list goes on and on. I tell you this because #1, people talk to me. They tend to let their hair down and tell me their secrets. I have an inquisitive mind and I ask questions. They answer. In my search for happiness, understanding of human nature and the inner workings of the mind and it's process, I have learned so much. What have I learned, you ask?

Home is where you hang your heart. The key to life is; Love, Laughter and Family. Happiness is a state of mind we control. Life is like a puzzle, we go through things and when we get through it and choose to learn from it, we are handed another piece to our life puzzle. We then begin to see the Big Picture, that which is our life. All of life is action and reaction, cause and effect. When we do something, it effects not only us but others. When we make the wrong decision, it effects everyone around us. Taking personal responsibilty in everything we do, is a huge piece in growth and I could go on and on...

When I was in Prison, of course, me being the inquisitions expert that I am, I asked many questions. One rule, is you never ask, "Why are you here, what is your crime." For some reason, the women opened up to me. I facilitated group upon group, which gave me license to delve into and pry. I took that opportunity, very seriously. I studied and used my time wisely.I studied and did my dissertation on The Mind of Mankind. I have a PhD in Street/Crime/Drugs/Man and His Mind. What does it mean?

I am not boasting. How does one tell people, that you've been in Prison with a redemptive look on your face? People do judge, do they not? I have arrived to a point in my life, where I could give a rats ass, what people think. So, if you or someone else is listening, I will tell you what I learned on my path, this Spiritual Journey, I have been on.

First, I realized, I did not know it all, like I believed I did. I still don't and am in a constant state of mending my mind and learning from prior mistakes. I realized that, at one point, I had it all. I grew up in a 21 room mansion but because I thought I was so grown up and knew it all, I bucked that system. I've had a lot of money go through my hands, homes, new cars and never appreciated it. It was taken from me, all of it and when I walked out of Prison, I owned the clothes on my back, which were kindly donated and the plastic cup and spoon, I'd earned at .18 cents an hour. Now, I was a big shit as I maxed out and was paid .48 cents an hour before I left prison. You get the picture though, don't you? I learned from that too.

As I spoke with some of the women, doing life for crimes, some extremely heinous, I was often flabbergasted at how some of them, could find happiness, in such awful circumstance. How could they go on with their lives surrounded by Constantine and Barb Wire, Guards and nasty people? They often told me, that it took them a while to get to the point where they could do anything but lay in bed, when allowed (notice the word "allowed" as people have the misconception, that while in prison, all you do is lay around, play cards and watch t.v. Wrong, you must work) and cry. Many of those women, no longer had visitation, cards and letters from home or even money sent to them. They'd been written off, for their crimes. How can you, anyone possibly be happy, in such a rotten life? In different ways, different words, they each told me, it was acceptance first and taking personal responsibilty. It brought them to happiness.

Many of these women deserved life in prison. Some, I questioned their sentences, i.e., one woman had been beaten and beaten but never reported it. He had made it very clear to her, that if she ever went to the police, he would kill her. Having never reported his crimes, against her, when she finally fought back and stabbed in a fit of rage, some 15 times, it looked completely vicious. After her appeal, she said she made peace with herself, this was her lot in life and she "chose" to try to be happy.
Note those words, "CHOSE" to be happy. How the hell can you do that, especially in her circumstance? I mean, wouldn't it make you angry, if nothing else?

Forced to be happy?

At 33, you must feel a bit of youth has eluded you? You question your life and life in general, right? I mean, we all set out, with such high hopes and when can't seem to grab that brass ring, we are often more than disappointed. Of course, many of us are not handed life, on a silver platter. Mine came on a paper plate. But I can look at that paper plate or find joy with and from what's on the plate. It's all perception and how we choose to look at life. We can sit around sad and depressed because we do not have or we are not, where we want to be. Or, we can choose to accept life as it is handed to us? Now, I am certainly not saying to you, to roll over and give up. I am not saying to accept, all things as they are. What I am saying, is do what you can, to change things but start within yourself and choosing to be happy.

How do I choose to be happy?

We have choices from the day we are born, we often can not see it, though. They are there and we must look for them, in every situation. Some of us are born with disabilities or chemical imbalances. Some of us have a predisposition for chemical dependency or illness, such as myself. I realize that some things, are out of our control. My point is, when things such as a handicap are thrown in to our lives, we can choose to be happy or we can choose to hate life for it. Naturally, we may all go through, that hate, before we arrive at the doorstep of happiness. It's often a natural process but hopefully we see that even in destiny and the worst case scenario, we can choose to be happy.

You must seek joy and laughter in your life, Steve, at all costs. You must be truthful with yourself and accept who and what you are. Until you do this, you will be so "stuck." You have to get Unstuck, huh? Well Babz, how the hell do I get Unstuck?

Your Personal Empowerment Exercise

My Rx; Every day, you must seek to laugh. I don't care if it is watching YouTube clips, Movies or Comedy Central, find the laughter. You must surround yourself with positive people and if you are sociable, you must weed out the un-positive things and people, in your life. I know you are wondering, "What the hell are you talking about," huh? Pay attention, to those people, that are always complaining, bitching and moaning and try to stay away from them...weed it out. You often feed off of their bitching and in turn, it puts you in the same mind set. You then,my dear Steve, start picking your life apart, like a buzzard on a mission. You must begin to focus on your good qualities and I know that you have them. I can see that you tend to be negative at times, not that you mean to be but you must focus on, becoming positive. It is not a weakness to smile and laugh, ok?

Stop reaching for the brass ring and it just might be handed to you. Stop picking yourself apart and begin to choose to look for what makes you happy. You wrote me because, you are searching for this and I am aware of it. I want you to continue to focus on, what will make you happy. Do not look for it in a female or material things. Look for it within yourself. Choose to be happy and you will be.

Be honest with yourself, take responsibilty for the things you do, treat others as you want to be treated and look for and follow the laughter. See, once you stop looking for happiness, from your job or your relationship, material things and so on and you focus on real, not fake stuff, to bring you happiness, it will become you. You must look within yourself,to bring it about. Once you have done this, every thing, every single thing ,will begin to blossom and come about.

Steve, while I realize that we all expect certain things out of life, it does not and will not matter what you do, if you are happy, with yourself. Some things we must accept. That which we have no control over, we must choose to accept. The things we can change, we should work on but not allow it to own us. Search for happiness, love and laughter and it will find you!

Looking for Rhyme and Reason

This was sent to Aunt B via email...

Hi Aunt B,
I am in real turmoil. I am 38, have my own company, successful and attractive ("they" say). I have fallen head over heels for a guy who I met a year and a half ago through a mutual friend. We hit it off when we first met, same interests, job understanding and that thing we call chemistry was was really strong. He ended it with me very quickly back then because his recently former girlfriend got sick and needed him. He chose to go back to her. Let me say, he is honest and upfront- not a player, and I have had many of those, so I know. He lives in NJ and I live in MA so it wasn't like I was right there to fight for it. His last words to me then were, "I know our paths will cross again, I have got to be there for her, she was there for me when my dad died"- I cried for 3 months. I know how hard it is to find a connection out there and I was heartbroken that the connection from him was cut so short. Fast forward to this March...I sent him a random text to say I was thinking of him and hoped all was well. Our mutual friend has always kept me in the loop with him. In fact, he has said that he thinks we would end up together and that he always asked about me...blah blah blah. He responded right away to the text and said how he had been thinking of me so much and we continued texting very randomly over the next months. I let him know I would be in NYC on business- he called- asked me to a black tie event and said he really wanted to see me. I had my friends apartment in the city to myself and was there for 3 nights...he stayed with me and we had the time of our life....chatted till 4 am every night - talked about "her" and how he had not seen her in 3 months and that it was over. He took me to amazing restaurants and was a total gentleman- we slept in the same bed but didn't get "physically intimate" for those 3 nights. He than asked me to come back to NY for the weekend to stay with him at his home in NJ. I did. I don't even have the adjectives to describe the time we had. He described it as "a gift" a second chance- and was open with me about his feelings and wanting to move forward with us...he said he never felt this way with anyone before- I felt the same. It was easy and it felt so right. When I got home, we made plans for the immediate future to spend time in MA where I live etc...THEN- I get the call...he's in tears, voice shaking...he says his ex - yes her, called to let him know she was 3 months pregnant ! I fell to the floor. I wished I was her, and thats what I told him. He is in a state of disbelief, not sure what to do. He is now visiting family out of the country for a week to "soul search". I have received a few "thinking of you" and "wish you were here" texts. I told him before he left that I was in this with him if he wanted me to be. He was sick over the fact that I don't deserve this pain- feels guilty for causing it. The big picture seems dark. I hate that she is carrying his child....its all I ever wanted for myself. What would you do if you were me? Should I hang on and hope he choses love over obligation? My life feels like it is on hold. I also feel like God is playing a cruel joke on me. I am able to function but every minute seems like hours. HELP.




Dear Friend,

Wow!I can only imagine what you are going through? Life can seem so sad, so cruel but I think there is hope for your situation. It will take some work, honesty and understanding. But first, before anything else, I recommend that you pray for wisdom. I also pray for my wisdom, as I do with every letter I get, that as I answer it, I may be help and not a hindrance. We are treading on old school obligation and matters of the heart.

I feel you are extremely understanding and have been. I want you to succeed in your happiness but of course, you'll never want to stand in his way, doing what he feels he needs to do. What I mean by that is the fact that he may also be old school. Not that long ago, if you got a girl pregnant, you married her. Things have changed but for some, they still have those values and beliefs, deeply ingrained.That's why we need complete, unadulterated, honesty here.

My first impression or assumption from your letter, is that this fella is one of a kind, a good guy, one of those, a rare breed, that still wears a white hat. I also feel, that he had deep feelings, for this girl/woman. He may not have been "in love" with her after a certain period of time but he had "a love" for her. There is, of course, a difference. I think he is "in love" with you and not with her but has a deep sense of obligation as he stood by her side, when she needed him. That is an honorable trait. But he need not be a martyr, nor do you have to be.

This is where the total honesty comes into play. I think you need to state your needs and desires, to be with him and not feel selfish for having said it. In all actuality, you have had a whirlwind romance, twice but you do not have an in depth history. This is why, you must give him that opportunity for moving on and a come what may, attitude.You must realize that he may be torn between loving you and doing the right thing, in his mind. Being open about this is something you will be able to sleep with.

I think, he needs to realize, that he can be there for her but be with you. Playing the martyr, as I mentioned before, may be regrettable for you both. He would have stayed with her, if he was in love, I do believe and that's only obvious. But I think he can serve his obligation to his child, be with you and keep an open line of communication with her, at all times. But to run to her, simply because she is pregnant, may not be the answer. I imagine he would marry her, which would surely be a hurt piece, you probably don't want to observe. But for him to marry her and stay in a regrettable relationship, out of obligation, may be the mistake of a lifetime.

Unhappiness and feeling "stuck" in a marriage, does and will reflect on the child. Children are highly intuitive and receptive. They sense when things are not right and we often think they are oblivious, when they are actually right on top of what's going on. That in itself, it something he must consider. A marriage written, in the name of obligation, with no love, is surely a farce and the days of arranged marriages are long gone. That may, very well be, what it would be like.

I almost suggest, that you have him read this. He will see another view point and it will not be as if you had ulterior motives, a selfish agenda. I say this because, if you go to him and say the same things I just said, he may see you as a selfish woman grasping at straws, which you are not. You are a woman in love and I would be willing to bet that, if he decided to go back to her, doing "the right thing" you would be crushed but you would bow out gracefully. I am right,huh? I don't think you have a true, out and out, selfish bone in your body. I believe you do not want to hurt anybody, least of all him or his child. But you are a woman in love with a guy who is probably, your soul mate. Yes, I do believe in the premise that there is no such thing as coincidence, magic or luck, only Divine Destiny.The sooner we realize this, the sooner we see things in a different light, a different perspective. When we adopt this way or outlook on life, we see that every single thing happens for a reason. We meet people for a reason and things, sometimes bad things, happen for a reason. We see that it is a test, sometimes the ultimate test. And instead of saying, "Why me?" we say, "OK, what am I supposed to learn from this." We can then, choose to learn from the experience. You are both being tested, so what is the test for or about and what do you gain or learn from the situation? Of course, I could already point out several answers to that very question but I want you to ask it, of yourself . It's too late to turn back the hands of time and what's done is done. Now, it comes down to what you choose to do with all of this; live and learn.

You met this wonderful guy for a reason. This child was conceived for a reason and you have all these feelings and are going through this, for a reason. Search your soul, for that reason.

As I mentioned before, I think complete honesty, is called for. You tell him that you care enough to walk away but you are willing to share his life, to a certain extent and allow him to keep the doors of communication open, concerning his son, whoops, his child. You tell him, that you are willing to put your jealousy's or whatever, aside, in the best interest of his child. He can meet his child's financial interests and have a close relationship with that child. By you making it clear that he can have the best of both worlds and a semblance of happiness, you will not exude a semblance of selfishness but reality, an actuality, a way of life. You will do your part by accepting his child into your world and add this child into the integral part of your life.

See, you have to make omissions here too. It is a tall order for you to share this man, in a sense with the child's mother and to be kind and loving step-mother, to this child. If you can't do that, you sure as hell, need to back up and walk away. But I feel, you are not that kind of woman and I'd be willing to bet, that you would inexplicably, love this child, as one of your own. This child could have the best of both worlds and a good life because he is loved by you, his father and his mother and everybody is happy, not forced, into a god forsaken situation.

This was, difficult for me to write. I wrestle with old school values, too. But in looking at the whole situation, I think it is in the best interest of the child, for everyone to be in a healthy, loving relationship. The child will flourish, under those conditions.

On a personal level, I can tell you, that doing things out of obligation, can breed resentment, even in the healthiest, most stable person. I married, out of obligation, I was pregnant at 16 and it was a life altering mistake. I grew to love my husband but... I was never "in love" with him. We grew apart and we fought constantly. Don't you know, my children, my beautiful sons, suffered for my choices.

My suggestion, is for that wonderful guy, who has so captured your heart, for you, to have him, read this. He'll know, then, that you only want, what's best for everyone involved and that you are woman enough to do the right thing, if that's what he chooses. I think it would be regrettable, if he did not follow his heart.

It's actually so simple. See, the secret to life is love, laughter and family. If you value these things and seek, these things and happiness, you are a brighter spirit, your life, your love will grow. By misconstruing obligation, with what will make, love, laughter and family flourish, well, it may be a grave mistake.

Yes, he made a mistake, this guy, you love so dearly. If he was not ready for a child, he should have taken precaution, right? But we all live in the moment and sex is probably one of the biggest items in that moment. As I said, we can not turn back the hands of time, we can only learn from it. It is another piece of the puzzle, that which is your life, his life. When you take that piece and put it into the puzzle, "The Big Picture," you begin to see, rhyme and reason. You learn from it and when you do, it is no longer a mistake but a "Learning Experience." You then try to live, without regret and the reason for your life, as well as his, becomes clearer. You met for a reason. You are going through this, for a reason and you love him, for a reason.

Simplify this, as I said before, by taking the complexity out of the equation. Doing the right thing is following your heart, not jumping back into a unhappy situation. Everyone suffers for it, most of all, the child involved. Know that you must embrace his situation and his child and make it clear that, you will love this child as one of your own.

I have every confidence, that you are capable of all this and you have the knowledge, that he has some "baggage," he brings to the table. I am not referring to this child as baggage but the whole kit and kaboodle, the whole shot. This can and will work, if everyone looks at things in the aspect of what is best, for the child and not some dumb idea or what, oh my God will the Jones' say. He can give his name, to the child, on the Birth Certificate and he can represent his financial obligation. You can both continue on in a happy life and in turn, that child will not suffer for bad choices. Now, isn't that what it's all about?

Just Feel It

This was sent to Aunt B via email...

Hello Aunt B

Please can you give me a little guidance in a problem I am having.

I went out with a guy two years back, we broke it off just before Christmas, then last year October he gets in contact with me again. Then he doesn't contact me again until this year march.

He tells me that he made a big mistake moving, and that all the girls he has been seeing did'nt have what we have. I am no fool, but am I kidding myself in waiting, he is busy studying, and he got a job near to were he is studying. I don't know if this is a good enough excuse.

Thank you for your time.

DANIELLE

Dear Danielle,
I can see why you might be a bit apprehensive. I might be wondering about it all and his motives, myself? I mean, what's he up to and why now? I don't know how far away he is from you or how feasible it is for you guys to start up a relationship. You know him better than anyone and you may have to go with you gut instincts on this one, ok? I believe that our spirit talks to us, we just have to listen. I can look back through all these years and see where I made my biggest mistakes. I am also able to see that I often turned off that, "small, still voice," of reason. I can remember, before any big decision, even in small ones, where if it was the right thing to do, I would feel good. When it wasn't right, I was usually queasy, sick to my stomach. You have to learn to listen to that small still voice.

So, after all this time, he wants to come waltzing back into your life, just like he never left? I think, truly, you have always been in the back of his mind. You made an impact on him and he can't forget about you. For some reason, his small, still voice, makes him think of you and how good he had it. Danielle, now think about this...how many women are there in the world? How many women could have crossed his path? How many choices has he had? I'm sure there are women, where he lives, huh? But he keeps coming back to you, even in his mind, doesn't he?

I am now living without regret but I can and have looked back at my life, often and wondered how my life would have been if I had done this or that or gone with this guy or married that man. I've been engaged more than a half dozen times and it was always me that broke it off by my actions or I just sabotaged myself, talked myself out of it or in my case, something bad happened. These were guys with money and a bouquet full of love for me but I shut them out. I analyzed it too much, I talked myself out of it and I sure did shut out my small, still voice of reason, "The Spirit." I can see this, all these years later. Here I am looking back at my life and I do wonder, well what if?

I have the feeling that you should think about this. I also believe there is no such thing as luck, coincidence or magic. Things happen for a reason, within the dynamics of our destiny. Once you begin to live this way, where you believe and adopt this premise, you begin to see that, every single person you meet in life, has been artfully placed there...for a reason. Everything that happens to you, all that you go through, all the trials and tribulations, ups and downs, they are all for a reason. We are tested daily and people are placed in our lives for whatever reason, well you will see this. It may be to learn from that person. Once we go through a certain thing and we learn from it, we move on to something else but we are handed another piece to "Our" puzzle. The more pieces we get, the more we can see the "Big Picture," that puzzle which is our lives. This is the coolest thing you'll ever learn, remember it. It is the key to your future, the answer to all lives holds for you. Once you begin to breathe this in, you begin to see things differently.

We all go through uncomfortable things, some of us more than others. I happened to have been one of the "Schooled." Some people just float through life, unaffected, unjaded, unjilted and often live on Easy Street, huh? Not me! I have lived enough for three people and I have been through enough that it often tried to take me down. If I died tomorrow, I could say that I have lived. Where I had no empathy, I was taught empathy. Where I had no understanding, I was taught understanding. When I was not humble, I was made to be humbled. I now possess a PhD in life and living. Why? Because I finally began to learn from things and my mistakes. When I went to Prison I learned that people go in and they come out one of two ways; Bitter or Blessed. I was blessed but why is that? It's because I was able to allow the process to school me, to humble a very proud woman and I chose to learn from all my self-will run riot. I prayed for wisdom to understand an awful situation, an awful life and He gave it to me. So, now I can look back in Retrospect and I can see clearly when I did and when I didn't listen to that instinct, that small still voice. I tell you all this, not to talk about myself but so you may relate a few things;

1. Things happen for a reason
2. People are placed in our lives for a reason
3. Everything we live and breath is for a reason
4. All trials and tribulations are for a reason

What pieces of your puzzle, have been handed to you? Is this guy another puzzle piece because he was placed in your life for a reason and you in his. You now have to ask yourself WHY? Ask yourself, how this fits into what or where you should be? Think about the fact that he keeps coming back into your life. That is for a reason too. I think you have something to learn from him and he from you. You are on his mind and that is for a reason.

Finally, it may not be easy for you both and you may never get back the same relationship you had before he left. One thing in life is certain and that is change. You've changed, as well, so has he. I think you should consider this, if you really care. He thinks about you or he would not have called. You are ingrained upon his heart, he feels it. Most of all, truly, what is the best we can expect from life? It is to be loved. To love and to be loved, is the sweetest and most wonderful thing you will ever know. Don't look at it, flip it over and look for fault. Just feel it and let your Spirit do the talking.
Now Listen!