Instant Gratification

Dear Aunt B,

hi, my name is Travis and i have an issue with my girlfriend's parents. first, i should explain how things are. she will be 16 in april. and i just turned 19 in december. her parents already are uneasy about us dating. we've been dating now for almost 8 months. at first we could see eachother 3 times a week, and i was happy with that. lately its been 2 days a week. her parents say its because things have gotten busy, but her mom, her, and i all know its just her step dad feeling threatened that he is gonna lose her. it happened with another one of my girlfriend's friends from up north. anyway, they feel we talk way too much. we txt eachother every day, and call for maybe an hour at night before she goes to bed. we dont txt a lot during the day because she has school and i have work. but we do when we're both out. to be honest, shes about the only one i txt. i see everyone else i talk to more often. either at work or around town. but her parents have cracked down on us and made us break up once because they felt we were "getting too close" but after that settled down we got back together and things were good. then her parents had this thing where they felt she was txting too much during school. which i might have gotten 5 txts from her all day while she there. and she doesnt txt but one other person during school besides me. so now she just doesnt txt during school. that solved that. after that, they complained about how we call eachother at 3 in the morning "all the time". i always told her if she couldnt sleep and needed someone to talk to for whatever reason, she could call me, no matter what time it was. she called me once when her parents werent home because she was scared about something and i talked her through it. that was the only time. but to make them happy. she shuts her phone off at night, and it sets out on the kitchen counter. and now, its just that we talk too much in general. that we're always txting and always on the phone with each other. and when her phone gets shut off at 9 that she gets online and talks with me til midnight. true, she does get online after her phone gets turned off. but she is usually offline by 10 and in bed. its only been the past 2 nights that she has been up later than that. and its because she is having a hard time sleeping because of cramps and what not. so she takes something to help her fall asleep and she says the computer screen in the dark makes her sleepy. so i talk to her online until she feels like she can. but her parents dont care what the reason is. they just feel we talk too much and are saying that unless we fix it, theyre gonna make us break up and not allow her to see or talk to me at all. we've already decided on a plan to make them happy, but this whole thing is beginning to really stress the both of us out. it shows in her school work and in my performance at work. what do you think we should do?

Dear Reader:

I want to level with you. I am a parent of two girls that have not reached the teenaged years yet, but I am dreading all the complexities because it is so hard as a parent to see beyond what *we* think is ultimately good for our children, and to give them the leeway to figure some things out for themselves. So, in this area, I try to be very open minded so that I don’t always get caught up in what *I* think all the time.

With that in mind, I can’t explain this to you other than bluntly: you need to respect her parents’ wishes. She will make the choice on what she is willing to do or not do, and you in turn need to figure out if dealing with the situation at hand is worth the relationship. Personally, I’d think that at your age you have a good idea as to the give and take a relationship requires. But that is based on my own experiences, and may not be applicable to you..

The basic idea here is that her parents want her to concentrate on school, family, and then social life. Which isn’t right or wrong, it’s just the way it is. By your own account, she is respecting their wishes (turning over the cell phone at night, not texting through the day) and it would seem to me that indicates that she is a pretty good kid, and wants to do right by her parents. So it would be pretty unfair for you to ask her to go against her parents request, because in following the rules as they are set out, she is actively making a choice.

The relationship between a parent and a child does change when the child reaches the teen years, and even more so when becoming a young adult.. And typically, parents do get more over protective and more preach-y. But I don’t think that they are wrong here.... and I’ve somewhat outlined why already, but I will say it in a sentence or two here. Your girlfriend has already made the choice to abide by her parents wishes, her parents want her to focus on more than just her social life, and you and she do need to map things out a bit better so that the relationship works for everyone.

We didn’t have cell phones when I was a teenager (and it wasn’t all that long ago!), but I can fully understand the want of the parents to halt communication. Not because you two are doing anything wrong. But because constant real-time communication doesn’t let a person unwind and relax into their own space. Just think about it, when was the last time you turned off your phone and just relaxed? Sure, you can relax sitting on the couch watching TV, reading a book, whatever it is you like. But in say... an hour... how many times did you check for a message, or IM a friend??? I would be willing to bet money you did. And why? Because that is the world we live in now. Constant and instant gratification through communication. And knowing what we know as parents (or people over 30 in general), we know that you can’t become yourself without time to be yourself. And it is a parents worst nightmare to think we have failed, by not giving our kids what they need. Even if it looks like we are the bad guys.

Okay, I got a little off track of the point here, but I am sure you get what I am saying. She is 16, a student, and still has rules to live by. Regardless of what you can or cannot do, you need to realise that she is not in the same stage of life as you are, and need to let her be 16. That includes having parental guidance, and respecting the way their family dynamic is. Plain and simple.

I hope you two can figure out something to make it all work, for everyone involved.

~Xmichra.


Dear Reader,

Personally I feel the majority of the problem is in the contact ( in whatever form) (probably in the Step Dads mind). Let's face it. Most people are freaked out by some one over 18 dating someone that isn't (16).

Yes, its probably just being over protective . I don't know the laws of whatever state you live in, but it could get ugly if there's a statutory rape law of some sort in your state. I know it's bullshit. I believe age is just a number , but people are going to be leery of the whole relationship, simply due to her age .

I'm Most Definitely NOT Judging . I'm saying do what you think the True , Responsible , Realistic thing is. I wish you much luck man , & Hope everything falls into place for you.

Blessings & Bliss ,

Lee

Have A Question??? Nothing Is Taboo!!!

Click Here to Ask Aunt B

Door of Opportunity

Dear Aunt Babz,



Uhm...Hello, I found this site and..yeah, it seemed worth a shot. I’m not sure whether it’s advice or reassurance that I would really like. But anyway... This may sound really stupid... But I'm 15 and so is the guy I’m with.. and well.. I hope it works out, but I'm afraid it won't because we each live in a different country. I'm willing to wait and stuff.. But I'm a bit scared of the whole thing. And he means so much to me. I’d go as far as to say I love him, but I’m afraid of the responses I’d get from saying that because I’m so young. Even if I find someone else attractive, it’s because they somehow remind me of him and I never like them more or find them more attractive or want to be with them. I've also liked/loved (I don't know which is more appropriate) him for a very long time, longer than I can say I've ever felt attracted to anyone else...ever. I can’t imagine being with someone else. But that doesn’t change the fact that we live so far apart that it’s frightening to me. My sister told me if it’s supposed to work, then it’ll work....is that true? I don’t mean to sound so typical and silly. My apologies if I’m wasting your time... I’m sorry.


Dear Friend,

Well, your Sister is right, to one extent, "What will be, will be." By the way, you are not wasting my time. Your concerns are as valid as any one Else's. You also have a right to be concerned as your situation dictates.

It is extremely hard to make things work when you are both in a different country. Did I understand this, you are in two different country's? But I do believe with all of my heart that things happen, all things happen for a reason. That reason will unfold itself to you one day. But for now, you have these feelings of love and far be it from me to negate your feelings. I would dare say that your feelings are very real, even at your young age.

Yes, love comes in every shape and size, intensity and lack thereof. It comes just as true as/to someone who's 30 years old, 40 years old. What I am saying is that love is an emotion that evolves with age. It evolves, changes and either weakens or intensifies with time. With maturity even, comes an understanding a propensity, a craving for those feelings, that love of our youth. And as we mature, we understand love in a different way. Sometimes it's complicated and yet it may become simplified. Who's to say?

Time will tell if it is to be, for you and your guy. In the meantime, you must ask yourself a few questions? Since there are so many kinds of love, you must ask yourself if his kind of love is worth waiting for. You do have time on your side. But does he make you laugh? Does he treat you with all the respect of a best friend? Is he being faithful to you? Does he treat you as you treat him? If you answer yes to these simple questions, then till you learn otherwise, stick it out and wait.

Most of all, never allow anyone to tell you that what you feel is not love. They might tell you , "What do you know at your age?" Hmmmm? Well, you've known and felt, expressed and gauged love since the day you were born. I do believe that your feelings are really real. But one thing is for certain; Change.

Yes, you'll change. He'll change. The world around you will change. Your fav color today might be pink but tomorrow it may change to purple. Your idea of true love might change as you mature. What you need and require from love might change and it is all normal and through no fault of your own.

Love is kind and considerate, it is patient and willing to wait. I encourage you to leave the door of opportunity open for both of you. What that means is that now and forever, today and tomorrow, with this young man or the man you might marry, you allow them the chance to be honest. Yes, you leave that door open, the door of trust that they might always be afforded the chance to be honest and tell you exactly how they feel.

See, by letting them know that you will always be open to honesty, even in the rawest, truest form, they might tell you that things don't feel quite right. They might tell you that their heart has changed and their fav color is no longer what it was. They might come to you first because you've always been open to it, that they matured and have grown apart from you.

That door of opportunity is more important than given credit. If your guy knows that he can always come to you and say what's on his mind, well, he might one day tell you that things just aren't as they were. He just might come to you before he fools around, before he breaks a heart.

Let's hope that the inevitable change, that constant change, is an evolution, a growth in warmth. Yes, love is a constant, change is a constant. Your love must be in flux and you must never forget to work at it, never take it for granted and feel it, really feel it like there is no tomorrow.


Keeping It Real,

Aunt Babz

On Top of the Program

This was sent to Aunt Babz via email...

Dear Aunt Babz,

My boyfriend is the best boyfriend in the entire world, but i keep thinking he's flirting with my best friend and my best is slowly flirting with him! i really like him and want to keep him for everrrrrrrrrr! So what shall i do i soooooooo want to keep him for ever hes soooooooooo cute!

PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!

From troubled lover

Dear Troubled Lover,

Well, you've not given me too much to go on but this is surely a classic case. It's also nothing I've not seen before, nor is it anything I've not experienced myself. I'd be willing to bet, this happens all the time, to countless couples, friends and so on. But it can be fixable, just as Soulseer says, "All things, in life, are fixable."

I can tell that you are young and ask you to pay attention, to what I write to you. Life lessons, my Dear, I will tell you things, you may carry all your life, ok?

It's no big secret, that guys are hardwired differently than we are. They think about sex, all the time, a constant, the younger they are. It's also no big secret than men are more apt to fool around, that's a statistical fact, unfortunately. Having said this, you have to remember to be smarter than the average girl/woman.

This guy may not be Mr. Right, the man you will marry but if he is or isn't, you can apply what I write you to this and future relationships, ok?

Trust is the biggest factor, in any relationship. While you may trust your man, you never feed him to the Lioness', you never look the other way and you never believe it won't happen to you or your man is exempt from the urges of temptation.

You'll make yourself sick, if you allow it to run you but you just have to be on top of the game. For the guys that like to place themselves into situations where they may be tempted, i.e. going to bars, strip clubs, frat parties, beach parties, etc., where you are not present, they are certainly placing themselves in the line of fire. When and if they add the factor of drinking/drugs, their inhibitions and ability to abstain from temptation is almost always compromised. I'd be willing to bet that most guys, if and when they did fool around, would admit they were under the influence. They like to blame it on drinking, an excuse for their indiscretion.

While you can not stop them from doing what they want to do, you can make it very clear that what's good for the goose, is always good for the gander. You must always place them in your shoes, let them feel what you are feeling, when they go out and you don't know what they are really up to. I have rarely seen a guy who has the capability to really understand, until they themselves live it, what it's like for you to sit home, wondering what they are up to. Wonder and worry. So, sometimes, you must turn the tables and let them sit home and wonder if some guy is hitting on you. I hate to say it but often times, this is the only way they'll really get the gist of the emotions that go with this. I had to do this because my husband was always saying that he "needed" a night out with the guys. I'd sit home wondering what was really going on. After a few Saturday nights, home alone, I made the decision to put him in the hot seat. It changed his opinion about things as he sat wondering and waiting. Just an example.

While this may not apply to you, at this age and juncture of your life, it may, a few years from now and the concept, of placing them, in your shoes, rings true for everything.

You don't want to be perceived as a worry wart, possessive, jealous or accusing, I think you need only to put things into perspective for your guy. At first opportunity, you sit him down and tell him you want to talk to him about something that's just too much, not to mention. Then, you have to spin things, just a bit. While it is not a lie, you must have a certain approach, as to how you lay all this out.

You tell him that you care so much about him but you're not stupid. Now, this is the important part; You tell him that you've noticed your friend, coming on to him and then you tell him, he's probably not even aware of it. See, by saying it, like this, you are not accusing him and he won't put up a wall of defense. You are shifting the blame on your girlfriend, that lil' hussy. I might add that she's not much of a friend, knowing that you care for him, so very much and flirting with him, right under your nose. Actually, it's pretty disrespectful and she's crossed that fine line between being friendly with your boyfriend and being out and out flirtatious.

"I will not be disrespected, in this manner and from this point on, I'll ask you to keep your distance from her, as she is not really my friend anymore."

My Dear, you do not need friends that will blatantly disrespect you, understand? You tell him this too. Friends don't flirt with the guy you care about, even if they are pretending to just be fooling around.

By saying all this to him but not accusing him, he will now see that you are on top of the program, you are not blind and you want nothing more to do with a friend that would throw a wrench in the works of your happy relationship. In turn, him knowing that you can see what's happening, he'll cool his heels, maybe keep his distance from her because he knows you know what's what. Yes, always be on top of the program, be one step ahead of the game.

The next step, is you go to this supposed girlfriend and you let her know that she has disrespected you by being overly flirtatious with your guy and you'd appreciate it, if she would stop as he's getting the wrong idea. Guys eat it up, when a girl flirts with them but it opens doors of opportunity that should not be open.

If you feel you can't approach this friend and tell her that she's done you wrong, which she has, you begin a plan of distancing yourself from her and especially when you are with your guy. Remember, with friends like her, who needs enema's?

Keeping It Real,

Aunt Babz

How To Deal With the "The What If's"

Xmichra Answers

This was sent to Aunt Babz via email...

I've known this guy for two years. long story short, he's always been a

sweetheart but i never started to feel for him until that day we kissed. now

I can't get him out of my mind and that bothers me because I think I wanna

be with him but relationships scare me and Im not the type of girl who wants

to get married because Im afraid of making the same mistakes i made in the

past and plus it seems that every guy cheats now so theres no trust. I like

him alot but he might be one of "them". I dont want to push him out of my

life but I dont want to get to close either. how do I keep myself from

getting to close to him or any other guy?

Dear Friend,

Hmm. Well, it sounds to me like you are doing just fine not getting close to guys. Just keep on doing what you are doing and you will 100% never be close. But that alas, is what I think you might need to change to be happy.

See, I understand where you are coming from in regards to men. But the thing about living, is that you need to truly live… and by pushing people out you will not gain the full experience this life has to offer. I am dead serious here. I can hear the tone of this letter and I think that you are scared. And probably rightly so. There are a lot of untrustworthy, scummy assholes out there. The trick is to not become prey to them and not to become one of them.

You my dear, are someone who has made a few mistakes and has been burned as well. And with that comes a whole lot of doubt. I know this, because of tried and true experience. It’s hard to tell a woman (or man for that matter) that she will find truth and love and respect from a man when they had been burnt… like having their best friend sleep with their boyfriend of five years. Ya, I know all about the burn, and about the staying far far away from anything that seemed like it was relationship like.

But the reality was, I met a man later who I was great friends with. He was as good as gold, a real sweetheart and we had that fateful first kiss. I was never a girl who wanted to be married, have children, and buy a house. And yet that is all I could think would make my world once I kissed him… a whole life. It was a feeling I had, and thankfully ten years later I still do. It’s been a bumpy ride at times, don’t get me wrong.. but he is not one of “them”, and I get the feeling that maybe this guy you are developing feelings for isn’t either.
Cut the guy a little slack, and let him prove himself before you cut him out. I think you owe yourself the chance to be really happy, and the opportunity to change your mind.

Aunt Babz said...

You can't live in the "What If's." Let the guy know how you feel, from the git go, as to fooling around. You don't have to tell him, what you might do, but let him know, he needs only to be honest, if he's not happy, before he does something, he'll regret. There's a lot or little implication, huh?

What If Syndrome

Xmichra Answers

This was sent to Aunt Babz via email...

Aunt Babz,

Hey there i have been with my boyfriend for nearly 9 months. He has told me that he has to go back to this home town to see his daughter for about 5 months. He ahs asked me to go with him but every time i say that i want to go he says that i will miss my family to much. But he has told me that he loves me and i love him too. I really want to go with him cause in the end it's only 5 months and i would like to meet his family. What should i do

Dear Friend,

Well, to be honest I don’t think he wants you to go.. he just didn’t want to loose out if he came back. The whole “you will miss your family too much” is a cop out for “maybe I made a mistake”. At least that is what I think.

I would really question why five months? What is going on that in five months time he would be willing to come back home? What is that all about? I certainly think it sounds strange, and a little like a devised plan that is not likely going to go well.

But if you do decide to go taking a few precautionary steps wouldn’t hurt. Make sure that you have a place to stay and a job, in case things don’t pan out with your boyfriend. I would say that to anyone who was moving far from their support line (family in this case), you just can’t ever be too safe in that regard.

Also, you might want to check what the living arrangements are going to be like. If he was only intending to stay for five months (which too me sounds really odd) then chances are he wasn’t signing a lease. So just be sure what kind of accommodation there is, and if he was planning to stay with someone that they are aware that you will be joining him. Nothing makes for tension like an unknown guest.

If you decide not to go, just keep in mind that love travels, and if he is true he will not stray and you will be fine. If it wasn’t meant to be, then that’s it. If you want to go, but your gut is telling you that you really shouldn’t…. then I would listen to that instinct. And the same for the reverse situation, if your gut is telling you that this is the smart move then I would do it. Regretting something you took a chance on is sometimes much easier to deal with then the “what if” syndrome of not doing things. However, going against your gut will almost always land you in a bigger pile of shit then ever expected.

Good luck, and let us know what you decided.

Just Feel It

This was sent to Aunt B via email...

Hello Aunt B

Please can you give me a little guidance in a problem I am having.

I went out with a guy two years back, we broke it off just before Christmas, then last year October he gets in contact with me again. Then he doesn't contact me again until this year march.

He tells me that he made a big mistake moving, and that all the girls he has been seeing did'nt have what we have. I am no fool, but am I kidding myself in waiting, he is busy studying, and he got a job near to were he is studying. I don't know if this is a good enough excuse.

Thank you for your time.

DANIELLE

Dear Danielle,
I can see why you might be a bit apprehensive. I might be wondering about it all and his motives, myself? I mean, what's he up to and why now? I don't know how far away he is from you or how feasible it is for you guys to start up a relationship. You know him better than anyone and you may have to go with you gut instincts on this one, ok? I believe that our spirit talks to us, we just have to listen. I can look back through all these years and see where I made my biggest mistakes. I am also able to see that I often turned off that, "small, still voice," of reason. I can remember, before any big decision, even in small ones, where if it was the right thing to do, I would feel good. When it wasn't right, I was usually queasy, sick to my stomach. You have to learn to listen to that small still voice.

So, after all this time, he wants to come waltzing back into your life, just like he never left? I think, truly, you have always been in the back of his mind. You made an impact on him and he can't forget about you. For some reason, his small, still voice, makes him think of you and how good he had it. Danielle, now think about this...how many women are there in the world? How many women could have crossed his path? How many choices has he had? I'm sure there are women, where he lives, huh? But he keeps coming back to you, even in his mind, doesn't he?

I am now living without regret but I can and have looked back at my life, often and wondered how my life would have been if I had done this or that or gone with this guy or married that man. I've been engaged more than a half dozen times and it was always me that broke it off by my actions or I just sabotaged myself, talked myself out of it or in my case, something bad happened. These were guys with money and a bouquet full of love for me but I shut them out. I analyzed it too much, I talked myself out of it and I sure did shut out my small, still voice of reason, "The Spirit." I can see this, all these years later. Here I am looking back at my life and I do wonder, well what if?

I have the feeling that you should think about this. I also believe there is no such thing as luck, coincidence or magic. Things happen for a reason, within the dynamics of our destiny. Once you begin to live this way, where you believe and adopt this premise, you begin to see that, every single person you meet in life, has been artfully placed there...for a reason. Everything that happens to you, all that you go through, all the trials and tribulations, ups and downs, they are all for a reason. We are tested daily and people are placed in our lives for whatever reason, well you will see this. It may be to learn from that person. Once we go through a certain thing and we learn from it, we move on to something else but we are handed another piece to "Our" puzzle. The more pieces we get, the more we can see the "Big Picture," that puzzle which is our lives. This is the coolest thing you'll ever learn, remember it. It is the key to your future, the answer to all lives holds for you. Once you begin to breathe this in, you begin to see things differently.

We all go through uncomfortable things, some of us more than others. I happened to have been one of the "Schooled." Some people just float through life, unaffected, unjaded, unjilted and often live on Easy Street, huh? Not me! I have lived enough for three people and I have been through enough that it often tried to take me down. If I died tomorrow, I could say that I have lived. Where I had no empathy, I was taught empathy. Where I had no understanding, I was taught understanding. When I was not humble, I was made to be humbled. I now possess a PhD in life and living. Why? Because I finally began to learn from things and my mistakes. When I went to Prison I learned that people go in and they come out one of two ways; Bitter or Blessed. I was blessed but why is that? It's because I was able to allow the process to school me, to humble a very proud woman and I chose to learn from all my self-will run riot. I prayed for wisdom to understand an awful situation, an awful life and He gave it to me. So, now I can look back in Retrospect and I can see clearly when I did and when I didn't listen to that instinct, that small still voice. I tell you all this, not to talk about myself but so you may relate a few things;

1. Things happen for a reason
2. People are placed in our lives for a reason
3. Everything we live and breath is for a reason
4. All trials and tribulations are for a reason

What pieces of your puzzle, have been handed to you? Is this guy another puzzle piece because he was placed in your life for a reason and you in his. You now have to ask yourself WHY? Ask yourself, how this fits into what or where you should be? Think about the fact that he keeps coming back into your life. That is for a reason too. I think you have something to learn from him and he from you. You are on his mind and that is for a reason.

Finally, it may not be easy for you both and you may never get back the same relationship you had before he left. One thing in life is certain and that is change. You've changed, as well, so has he. I think you should consider this, if you really care. He thinks about you or he would not have called. You are ingrained upon his heart, he feels it. Most of all, truly, what is the best we can expect from life? It is to be loved. To love and to be loved, is the sweetest and most wonderful thing you will ever know. Don't look at it, flip it over and look for fault. Just feel it and let your Spirit do the talking.
Now Listen!

The Domino Effect

Thursday, February 08, 2007

This was sent to Aunt B via email...

Hi Aunt B... this is the first time I've ever asked for advice from anyone
and you seem like a nice person to ask, so here goes


My name is ***** and I'm 15, and there is a girl that goes to my school who
a lot of my friends are friends with (if that makes sense). We went out for
about a week, but she dumped me for some1 else, some1 she had known longer
and went out with him. She explained to me why and I have no hard feelings
against (sorry i cant spell) him. That relationship lasted about a month. Now
its about 1 and a half months later and shes been alienating people. Shes
angry at her best friend and thinks that everyone thinks shes bitchy and
apathetic, and thinks no one cares. She told me a few days ago that I'm one of
the only people she can talk to anymore. I really care about her and want
her to know that I care without seeming to try to win her back. Her sister
moved away not long ago and i know that no1 can comfort her like she does,
but i want her to know that she is cared about and that she still has
friends that will be their for her.


Sincerely,

misunderstood existence



Aunt B said...

Dear Misunderstood Existence,

You already earned my respect and props, for being a stand-up guy. I just wanted you to know that.
I am almost as old as God but I sure can remember what young love, gone awry, can be and feel like. I take it, that you like this girl but don't want to seem like you are hitting on her or have D.L. intentions, right? You've already proven, at least to me, that your intentions are more than honorable. You would be a liar, if you told yourself that you didn't have a wish, that this chick would view you in a different light, right? Well, there's not a thing wrong with having honest emotions, my friend. Own them , keep them in check and listen to me.
Every true and long lasting relationship, starts with friendship. Most long term couples, found that they stayed the distance because they were with their best friend. When a couple digs in, for the long haul, it is usually with someone of similar interests. It must be someone you enjoy talking to. It must be someone you enjoy pleasing, remember this, all the days of your life, ya hear me? Repeat it in your head. It has to be someone that you respect, as a person. If you respect that person, you will trust them, their emotions, trust them to hold your love for them above all things.
Now, I know you have not mentioned love. A good example of young love is this; Have you been in love yet? I'll bet you have, she has, I have, we all have. First, there are so many types and kinds of love and even more definitions. As you grow older, how you look at and embrace love, changes and evolves. Young love is a proving ground. My point was or is, have you fallen head over heels in love, they took your breathe away, when you saw them, you thought you couldn't live without them and they became your whole world? If you've not yet, felt this, you will. You have all this emotion wrapped up, in this one person and they let you down or hurt you, did some kinda dirt and you broke up. You walked away thinking, "Just what in the h*ll did I see in this person, they are so nasty?" They may be literally ugly to you because...love is dumb, blind, crippled and crazy...just the way it should be. Looks should never matter but love does tend to help you overlook a persons shortcomings, thank goodness. True love, does not search for fault, remember that!
I tell you all this, not to down play your feelings and emotions or your girls. I tell you, so you can see that love is a tricky bugger. But the true stuff, the right stuff, the kind dreams are made of, come from true to life friendship, first and foremost.
I'm telling you to be her friend. Be that person she knows she can count on and talk to. Tell her that you'll be there for her, as her friend and state that you're not trying to hit on her. Make it clear that there are no strings attached to your friendship, it's free and real.

The Clincher

You must prepare yourself. She may take your offer and run with it, only to begin dating or seeing someone else. You may always be nothing but a friend. It may even be painful to stand on the sidelines, cheering on, a chick, you have feelings for. But at the same time, through your friendship, no strings attached, you may get to know her and find that you really have nothing in common but friendship. This is why, years ago, people dated, a long time, before they became serious and took their relationship to the next level, get my drift? That next level can complicate things, tremendously. You've got to be strong in the best friend department before you can with stand, marriage, sex, children, finances and all the other crap that real couples must weather. Comprenda?

The Domino Effect

Your friendship is gonna be the most important part, the integral piece to your relationship whether it is with this girl or any girl, ever. By being her friend first, she may become close to you. Most chicks marry a guy they felt safe with, emotionally, unless she's a gold digger. You let her be safe with you. You listen to her and her feelings, I mean, really listen.
If it's meant to be, she's gonna see that you are really a good guy. She may eventually see that you listen to her. This is one of the first mistakes, a guy makes, cause he didn't listen. Most chicks love to talk about themselves. So, if you try to get to know her and are inquisitive, she'll see a natural interest but she'll feel safe, to open up and give you more of herself, more than she gives others. Be that friend, who she can count on, who listens. If it is meant to be, it'll all fall in to perfect order, just like a Domino Effect.
Let me know, down the line, how things go and feel free to contact me anytime, lovie.

Big Hugs,
Aunt B