Sunday, August 17, 2008
Door of Opportunity
Dear Aunt Babz,
Uhm...Hello, I found this site and..yeah, it seemed worth a shot. I’m not sure whether it’s advice or reassurance that I would really like. But anyway... This may sound really stupid... But I'm 15 and so is the guy I’m with.. and well.. I hope it works out, but I'm afraid it won't because we each live in a different country. I'm willing to wait and stuff.. But I'm a bit scared of the whole thing. And he means so much to me. I’d go as far as to say I love him, but I’m afraid of the responses I’d get from saying that because I’m so young. Even if I find someone else attractive, it’s because they somehow remind me of him and I never like them more or find them more attractive or want to be with them. I've also liked/loved (I don't know which is more appropriate) him for a very long time, longer than I can say I've ever felt attracted to anyone else...ever. I can’t imagine being with someone else. But that doesn’t change the fact that we live so far apart that it’s frightening to me. My sister told me if it’s supposed to work, then it’ll work....is that true? I don’t mean to sound so typical and silly. My apologies if I’m wasting your time... I’m sorry.
Well, your Sister is right, to one extent, "What will be, will be." By the way, you are not wasting my time. Your concerns are as valid as any one Else's. You also have a right to be concerned as your situation dictates.
It is extremely hard to make things work when you are both in a different country. Did I understand this, you are in two different country's? But I do believe with all of my heart that things happen, all things happen for a reason. That reason will unfold itself to you one day. But for now, you have these feelings of love and far be it from me to negate your feelings. I would dare say that your feelings are very real, even at your young age.
Yes, love comes in every shape and size, intensity and lack thereof. It comes just as true as/to someone who's 30 years old, 40 years old. What I am saying is that love is an emotion that evolves with age. It evolves, changes and either weakens or intensifies with time. With maturity even, comes an understanding a propensity, a craving for those feelings, that love of our youth. And as we mature, we understand love in a different way. Sometimes it's complicated and yet it may become simplified. Who's to say?
Time will tell if it is to be, for you and your guy. In the meantime, you must ask yourself a few questions? Since there are so many kinds of love, you must ask yourself if his kind of love is worth waiting for. You do have time on your side. But does he make you laugh? Does he treat you with all the respect of a best friend? Is he being faithful to you? Does he treat you as you treat him? If you answer yes to these simple questions, then till you learn otherwise, stick it out and wait.
Most of all, never allow anyone to tell you that what you feel is not love. They might tell you , "What do you know at your age?" Hmmmm? Well, you've known and felt, expressed and gauged love since the day you were born. I do believe that your feelings are really real. But one thing is for certain; Change.
Yes, you'll change. He'll change. The world around you will change. Your fav color today might be pink but tomorrow it may change to purple. Your idea of true love might change as you mature. What you need and require from love might change and it is all normal and through no fault of your own.
Love is kind and considerate, it is patient and willing to wait. I encourage you to leave the door of opportunity open for both of you. What that means is that now and forever, today and tomorrow, with this young man or the man you might marry, you allow them the chance to be honest. Yes, you leave that door open, the door of trust that they might always be afforded the chance to be honest and tell you exactly how they feel.
See, by letting them know that you will always be open to honesty, even in the rawest, truest form, they might tell you that things don't feel quite right. They might tell you that their heart has changed and their fav color is no longer what it was. They might come to you first because you've always been open to it, that they matured and have grown apart from you.
That door of opportunity is more important than given credit. If your guy knows that he can always come to you and say what's on his mind, well, he might one day tell you that things just aren't as they were. He just might come to you before he fools around, before he breaks a heart.
Let's hope that the inevitable change, that constant change, is an evolution, a growth in warmth. Yes, love is a constant, change is a constant. Your love must be in flux and you must never forget to work at it, never take it for granted and feel it, really feel it like there is no tomorrow.
Keeping It Real,