Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Hold Off

Dear Aunt Babz,

So I sort of have a 'typical complicated relationship' with a boy. I'm 16, and he's 17, so...humour me. Anyway, we are 'bestfriends', but we cross that line a lot. We've both confessed that we are in love with eachother (which I am deeply), but he still insists that he isn't ready to date me yet, due to how it would be immediately serious, and would put a lot of pressure on the two of us. I, of course, said I would wait as long as he needed. Last Friday night a mutual friend had a hall party, and I got a little out of hand. I saw him kissing a random girl that was 4 years younger than him, and I got so mad. But instead of making a scene, I thought GET EVEN. So I made out with like 7 guys, and made a bit of a fool of myself. So anyway, he was obviously angry. He called me the next morning and we had a long talk, by which I told him that I am pretty much being unfair to myself. Yes, it was wrong what I did, but he isn't my boyfriend, so it isn't that bad. He proceeded to yell at me, and tell me that I must not really love him if I can kiss other guys (two of which were his friends, so he complained that what I did was so much worse than what he did!) Then I told him that we need to take some time apart, so I can have my space, because if you're not going to commit to being with me, than a girl can only wait so long. There are a lot of other boys in this world who would be happy to be with me, and I know that, so I feel like i'm wasting my time. Although, i'm sure this boy is meant for me, and I really do love him. So what i'm asking is, was it wrong for me to do what I did to him at the hall party, even though we aren't 'together'? And was it wrong to ask for time apart from a really good friend just because I want to date him? If so...what do I do?


Well, first of all, ask yourself this. If he says he is in love with you, then why is he not ready to date you? Also look at it this way. You said you have crossed that line a lot, could he just be saying he loves you in order to get you to "cross that line"? Hold off on doing that with him, and see what he says then. Also, if he really loves you, would he be kissing other girls? Somebody who is doing that might not be trustable in the long haul. It sounds a lot like he is not ready to be in a committed relationship.
If he gets mad at you for doing what you did, even though he did pretty much the same thing, it sounds hypocritical. However while he should not have yelled at you for making out with those guys, I would advise against going that direction, instead talking to him about what he did the next morning. You are right, in that there ARE a lot of other boys in this world that would be very happy to be with you. And with many of them, you would not have to worry about them cheating on you or kissing other girls. Also, what makes you sure he is meant for you if he is kissing other girls, and saying he loves you but not wanting to date you? You definitely have a right to ask for some space. And he should not have a problem with it, since he was the one who said he doesn't want to date yet in the first place.

I hope to have helped you out a little, and I really hope that this all works out for you in for the best. I wish you the best of luck!


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