Dear Aunt B,
I read some of the articles about your take on incest between a mother and son and agree with your views. However, i think i have a bit of unique situation. I also have a sexual attraction towards my mother and have since i was 13. It started with her walking around in her bra and panties and took off from there.
She over the years has sent me very mixed signals about where she stands on the subject. The first time i acted on my emotions, i had felt her breasts when she was asleep, masturbated in front of her then left the room. Extremely wrong, I know. But, the next morning the first thing she said to me was what i was doing in her room last night, with a grin on her face. i replied that I thought she was calling me so i went in to check on her, all the while thinking to myself i was busted. She then laughed and replied "oh okay" and rolled her eyes like she knew what really happened. and that was it, no talk , ass chewing for what i did, just a quick laugh and on with life. Now in my mind what i had done was obviously acceptable. So now i am spying on her undressing and letting my libido take over my logic.
Some time later, she comes into my room early in the morning to wake me up and my you know what was "standing at attention". She looked at it, grabbed it and said "wow that'll wake us both up!" then left my room. Moving on, a few years down the road I finally get enough nerve to make the "first" move. So i come up behind her and grab her breasts and tell her i have always wanted to do this. To my surprise she didn't even take my hands off her breasts right away and let me feel for about 10-15 seconds before actually doing anything. So i thought i was in, then she proceeded to give me a lecture on how its wrong and she could never do that etc.....
You are not the first nor will you be the last guy that might find his Mom attractive.It is my understanding that this sort of thing can be a natural emotion or possibly a situation where you emulate your Mother in the context of finding a mate that has the same qualities as Mom.
Simply stated, you and Mom need to nix those feelings and not cross those imaginary lines, the boundaries we all set between right and wrong, scrupulous and unscrupulous.
I find fault in a situation where Mom touches your erect penis or allows you to behave a certain way in front of her, i.e masturbating or any other sexual expression. You know and I know that she pretended not to see but she knew what you were doing, now didn't she?
It's quite natural for a boy and his Ma to be close. Yes, it's actually a wonderful thing for a guy and his Mom to be close enough to share in just about every aspect of their lives. But notice my wording there, "just about." The invisible barriers are there, lines drawn that are not to be crossed, morally, emotionally and literally.
Now, I'm not one to cow tow to society's rituals and quite often I've lived my own life with the edict that "rules are made to be broken." Personally, some might even say that my sons and I have a messed up set of rules and principles. In my past, I have shared, quite often too much with my boys and I pay the Piper for it now. Another story unto itself, suffice it to say that there's not much my sons and I do not share. They tell me all about anything and everything, often in graphic detail. Throughout all these years, I was often a friend, a bad one at that, instead of a mother. But I had my children very young and was growing up, just about with them at the same time. Live & Learn...
Those imaginary lines, boundaries between a mother and her son must never be crossed. It's just inappropriate and morally wrong. Finding fault in this situation does no good but may I suggest that you do not encourage this any further?
I must say that I believe that your Mom may be flattered by your insinuations, innuendo and attention. It's not mentioned in your letter but I'd be willing to bet that Mom is single, getting older and quite lonely. You're a decent looking fella and she enjoys your adulation and adoration. But deep down inside you both know that it's wrong. Inappropriate touching is a big no-no, no matter how lonely you are.
My advice to you is to cease and desist any further crossing of those boundaries. You've written me, not for shock value but simply because you have the need to purge, haven't you? I am putting it as plainly as I can; Yes, I understand your love for your Mom but sex and love are two different things. Don't twist it any longer. There's no crying over spilled milk and you can't undo what's already done but you can choose to do the right thing from this juncture on.
Normally, I'd hold Mom accountable for this unsuitable situation. But the interim effects of all this can't be over looked, you might only hold yourself accountable from this moment on. I do believe you knew it was wrong. I do believe you've known all along but you managed to mix up the emotions attached to a solid and healthy relationship between a mother and her son.
Start over, forget about what has happened. Enjoy your time with your Mom, with healthy boundaries, lines you will no longer cross. You suggest to her to possibly find someone her own age. Be on her team, cheering her on to find happiness and to begin to date again. And you do the same.
Keeping It Real,
Crystal is our guest adviser today...
We're not gonna beat around the bush here; I fault your Mother for sending the mixed signals in this situation. She has, at every opportunity, egged it all on. She should have never allowed any of this and she is in the wrong. It is especially wrong for your Mom to touch you.
Did Mom get off because you found her attractive? Masturbation is usually a private matter but for your Mom to encourage or even pretend that she didn't see it is clearly a moral error. Mom should be the one in charge and set the examples but instead she only allowed it, encouraged it.
We think she has may have a low self-esteem and you make her feel better about herself with all this attention. She needs to look at this because this could be very damaging to your relationship in the future There is a difference between love and sex and your Mom has confused you. Affection between you and your Mom is one thing and it's just dandy for you two to be close but she has crossed the line. You both have crossed that invisible boundary.
You are just a growing boy and your testosterone often dictates to you what you will do. But is it steering you wrong? I mean sex is sex, love is love. sex and love are not one and the same. You are confusing the difference between love and sex, affection, closeness...
Your Mother had no business walking around half naked nor should she have encouraged you as she has. She is the one you look up to for guidance and whether or not she realizes it or not she is morally wrong for allowing any of this to go on.
They have a saying that, "A stiff Willy has no conscience," and at your age, I'm sure your Willy could testify, that it does not know the difference between good and bad, moral and unmoral but you know better, now don't you? My advice is you need to be straight forward with your Mom that she's been sending mixed signals and she should be more conservative in her dress and mannerisms towards and around you. You two are crossing the line between love and sex, affection and sex. Love does not equal sex, sex does not equal love except when you are in a loving and healthy relationship with a spouse/girlfriend, etc.
It's very normal for you to get an erection and sometimes it's unprovoked but your Mom is provoking this and I think she's aware of it. She thinks it's funny, real cute but we think she knows it's wrong. She may even like it that you find her attractive? You need someone your age, hell, even read a magazine but stay away from your Mom. If she won't stop it you must. Sub conscientiously you know as does your Mother, that it is very wrong. The emotions you have towards your Mom is normal but crossing that line to incestuous behavior must stop. Before any more damage is done simply stop it and find a girlfriend!
On Your Side,
Halena & Crystal