Do Over

Dear Aunt B,

I read some of the articles about your take on incest between a mother and son and agree with your views. However, i think i have a bit of unique situation. I also have a sexual attraction towards my mother and have since i was 13. It started with her walking around in her bra and panties and took off from there.

She over the years has sent me very mixed signals about where she stands on the subject. The first time i acted on my emotions, i had felt her breasts when she was asleep, masturbated in front of her then left the room. Extremely wrong, I know. But, the next morning the first thing she said to me was what i was doing in her room last night, with a grin on her face. i replied that I thought she was calling me so i went in to check on her, all the while thinking to myself i was busted. She then laughed and replied "oh okay" and rolled her eyes like she knew what really happened. and that was it, no talk , ass chewing for what i did, just a quick laugh and on with life. Now in my mind what i had done was obviously acceptable. So now i am spying on her undressing and letting my libido take over my logic.

Some time later, she comes into my room early in the morning to wake me up and my you know what was "standing at attention". She looked at it, grabbed it and said "wow that'll wake us both up!" then left my room. Moving on, a few years down the road I finally get enough nerve to make the "first" move. So i come up behind her and grab her breasts and tell her i have always wanted to do this. To my surprise she didn't even take my hands off her breasts right away and let me feel for about 10-15 seconds before actually doing anything. So i thought i was in, then she proceeded to give me a lecture on how its wrong and she could never do that etc.....

What do i do to get closure on this because she was sending me mixed signals all the time and it confused the hell out of me when she denied me.

Dear Friend,

You are not the first nor will you be the last guy that might find his Mom attractive.It is my understanding that this sort of thing can be a natural emotion or possibly a situation where you emulate your Mother in the context of finding a mate that has the same qualities as Mom.

Simply stated, you and Mom need to nix those feelings and not cross those imaginary lines, the boundaries we all set between right and wrong, scrupulous and unscrupulous.

I find fault in a situation where Mom touches your erect penis or allows you to behave a certain way in front of her, i.e masturbating or any other sexual expression. You know and I know that she pretended not to see but she knew what you were doing, now didn't she?

It's quite natural for a boy and his Ma to be close. Yes, it's actually a wonderful thing for a guy and his Mom to be close enough to share in just about every aspect of their lives. But notice my wording there, "just about." The invisible barriers are there, lines drawn that are not to be crossed, morally, emotionally and literally.

Now, I'm not one to cow tow to society's rituals and quite often I've lived my own life with the edict that "rules are made to be broken." Personally, some might even say that my sons and I have a messed up set of rules and principles. In my past, I have shared, quite often too much with my boys and I pay the Piper for it now. Another story unto itself, suffice it to say that there's not much my sons and I do not share. They tell me all about anything and everything, often in graphic detail. Throughout all these years, I was often a friend, a bad one at that, instead of a mother. But I had my children very young and was growing up, just about with them at the same time. Live & Learn...

Those imaginary lines, boundaries between a mother and her son must never be crossed. It's just inappropriate and morally wrong. Finding fault in this situation does no good but may I suggest that you do not encourage this any further?

I must say that I believe that your Mom may be flattered by your insinuations, innuendo and attention. It's not mentioned in your letter but I'd be willing to bet that Mom is single, getting older and quite lonely. You're a decent looking fella and she enjoys your adulation and adoration. But deep down inside you both know that it's wrong. Inappropriate touching is a big no-no, no matter how lonely you are.

My advice to you is to cease and desist any further crossing of those boundaries. You've written me, not for shock value but simply because you have the need to purge, haven't you? I am putting it as plainly as I can; Yes, I understand your love for your Mom but sex and love are two different things. Don't twist it any longer. There's no crying over spilled milk and you can't undo what's already done but you can choose to do the right thing from this juncture on.

Normally, I'd hold Mom accountable for this unsuitable situation. But the interim effects of all this can't be over looked, you might only hold yourself accountable from this moment on. I do believe you knew it was wrong. I do believe you've known all along but you managed to mix up the emotions attached to a solid and healthy relationship between a mother and her son.

Do Over

Start over, forget about what has happened. Enjoy your time with your Mom, with healthy boundaries, lines you will no longer cross. You suggest to her to possibly find someone her own age. Be on her team, cheering her on to find happiness and to begin to date again. And you do the same.


Keeping It Real,

Aunt Babz


Crystal is our guest adviser today...
Dear Reader,

We're not gonna beat around the bush here; I fault your Mother for sending the mixed signals in this situation. She has, at every opportunity, egged it all on. She should have never allowed any of this and she is in the wrong. It is especially wrong for your Mom to touch you.

Did Mom get off because you found her attractive? Masturbation is usually a private matter but for your Mom to encourage or even pretend that she didn't see it is clearly a moral error. Mom should be the one in charge and set the examples but instead she only allowed it, encouraged it.

We think she has may have a low self-esteem and you make her feel better about herself with all this attention. She needs to look at this because this could be very damaging to your relationship in the future There is a difference between love and sex and your Mom has confused you. Affection between you and your Mom is one thing and it's just dandy for you two to be close but she has crossed the line. You both have crossed that invisible boundary.

You are just a growing boy and your testosterone often dictates to you what you will do. But is it steering you wrong? I mean sex is sex, love is love. sex and love are not one and the same. You are confusing the difference between love and sex, affection, closeness...

Your Mother had no business walking around half naked nor should she have encouraged you as she has. She is the one you look up to for guidance and whether or not she realizes it or not she is morally wrong for allowing any of this to go on.

They have a saying that, "A stiff Willy has no conscience," and at your age, I'm sure your Willy could testify, that it does not know the difference between good and bad, moral and unmoral but you know better, now don't you? My advice is you need to be straight forward with your Mom that she's been sending mixed signals and she should be more conservative in her dress and mannerisms towards and around you. You two are crossing the line between love and sex, affection and sex. Love does not equal sex, sex does not equal love except when you are in a loving and healthy relationship with a spouse/girlfriend, etc.

It's very normal for you to get an erection and sometimes it's unprovoked but your Mom is provoking this and I think she's aware of it. She thinks it's funny, real cute but we think she knows it's wrong. She may even like it that you find her attractive? You need someone your age, hell, even read a magazine but stay away from your Mom. If she won't stop it you must. Sub conscientiously you know as does your Mother, that it is very wrong. The emotions you have towards your Mom is normal but crossing that line to incestuous behavior must stop. Before any more damage is done simply stop it and find a girlfriend!

On Your Side,

Halena & Crystal

Sex Is Not The Answer

Dear Aunt B,

I have this need to make my mom feel really good, and she devorced my dad a couple years ago and has just been alone and i also have a really bad need to i want to have sex with her bad i have even tried letting her catch me masterbaiting but she just closes the door quick and acts inocent and your smart so how do i get her to have sex with me i really want her. How do i get her to have me in bed?

Dear Friend,

Our creed here at Aunt Babz is nothing is Taboo and we will answer every question. And I shall...

I can not tell you to kill those emotions, the ones you have for your Mom. I can tell you that they are not proper and I can and will tell you that you should probably seek counseling to put those emotions in check, in proper order.

I assume you are not joking about these feelings. I know I am not laughing about it. I do and am able to see this situation as it is. See, I think you are trying to be a good son. I do think you love your Mom terribly. But I do see that you have flipped the script. You have changed the variables between what's healthy between a young man and his Mom. Don't misunderstand what I am saying as I do give you credit for wanting to make your Mom happy again but I guarantee this is not the right way to make her happy.

As well, you are not the first boy who falls in love with his Mom. Psychological statistics state that a boy first falls for his Mom, quite often but does not act on the emotion. He realizes it's incestuous, not proper, not healthy and in turn, quite often seeks out a girl who is very much like his Mom.

I believe your feelings are real but that does not make them right. I also believe that you are ready to cross that invisible line between a relationship between, that of a mother and her son and a woman and her lover. You can never do this and I hope you will see that it is wrong. In fact, it may be quite upsetting to your Mom. I have three sons and can not imagine or even fathom a sexual encounter with any one of them. I may have even flipped out if they every approached me that way.

I would strongly urge you to seek counsel, you know a professional therapist, in your town. I feel you need to work through these feelings, maybe in a one on one setting. My reasons are not just because of your feelings towards or for your Mother. But I have the sneaking suspicion that you only want to help your Mom, you only want to make her feel better, as you've stated yourself, in your letter.

Yes, I do believe you've grown frustrated and long for your Mom to smile again. That is a wonderful thing. You want her to be happy again, right? If this is the truth, your true motive, sex is not the answer. Just for future reference, most women do not equate sex with making everything alright or making things better. What I mean is this; If you fight with your wife, make up sex is great but it's not the answer. No, actions speak louder than words. By doing the right thing, by showing that you care in the little things you do, that will make a larger impact.

Again, I urge you to get into counseling. You have quite a few issues and a professional, in your area can and will help you work through them. He/She may help you get back on track to a healthy and loving relationship between you and your Mom. Sex is not the answer here, ok?

Now, the best way you could please your Mom, is most likely by doing well in school, helping around the house and treating her with respect. A fella only gets one Mom...make sure you value yours.

Keeping It Real,

Aunt Babz

Dear Josh,

You ask of us to show you how to get your mother in bed, and the only answer I have is: you don’t.

You’re in a tough spot mentally right now and I would strongly suggest seeking help with a professional therapist.

When a young man desires to be his mothers mate, there are all sorts of things going on there, most primarily that there is something else wrong in the picture. Speaking of only one theory, maybe you have anxiety and using the familiar bond between yourself and your mother to combat the impulses involved in your own sexual development. It could be a number of things that is happening with you right now.

Losing the male figure in your life is also very hard to deal with. Maybe you feel that it is “your job” to be the man in the house and that your mother needs you to be in the role. But I assure you, this is not your job and you do not need to feel like this.

Whatever the situation is warranting your thought process, you do need to talk it out with an accredited professional, because quite frankly your concern is above any of our (at Ask Aunt B’s) ability to talk you through. Yours is one that you do need help with, and if you need any help at all with that just let us know and we will help you find it. Please don’t think of this reply as scolding you or making you feel badly about yourself. I am sure that with a little guidance you can overcome this, and you will be back to living your life as intended.

Take care of yourself, and let us know if you need help.

~Xmichra.

Dear Friend,

You are feeling a role similar to the Father and this is why you are feeling all these things. So, that may be/feel like you want her. You've been taking care of her, haven't you? Now, I know you don't want your Mom to be sad or lonely or even to feel unwanted but you've got to remember you are her son. You are loved by your Mother but not in that way, as in man and wife. To get your mind out of these thoughts, you should get involved with other kids your age. Maybe join some Clubs, after school activities and these feelings will hopefully dissipate.

Know that you will still be there for your Mom, as a son, not a lover. If you decide to do this and go with your emotions right now, your Mom may become more depressed as this will be upsetting because it's not a normal or healthy relationship between a Mother and her son.

Your helpful thoughts, concerning your Mom are good ones but your idea as to how to make her feel better are all wrong. Your role is that of a son, a good and loving, caring, thoughtful son. I see that you are all these things just don't mix up your emotions.

Go to your Guidance Counselor and tell them you need to speak with a Counselor concerning your Mom and Dad's divorce. Then, tell them about these feelings.

On Your Side,

Halena