Meet Mrs.Know Itall; How To Screw Up Your Life

Dear Aunt Babz,

Has your mom ever annoyed you soooo much you want to runaway?





Dear Reader,

To answer your question; she sure did and I did run away!

My Dad was/is a Lt.Colonel but it was my Mom who was the Drill Sergeant. She was a taskmaster and I thought she was just being mean. She made me keep my room immaculate and I had to do dishes and clean the house, do laundry and on and on. I can remember thinking, "I'm not the maid here. Slave labor was abolished." I realize now, that she was teaching me life skills, a good work ethic and strong, sturdy personal habits. If I had only seen this, things may have been different.

I was always in trouble and spent most of my childhood, mainly my teen years on restriction; no phone, no going out. I had to stay in the house. I'm not talking a day or two, I'm talking weeks, months of restriction to the house.

We have a wonderful relationship now but back then it was real bad.I hated my Mom and I believed she hated me. She was so hard on me and when I messed up, I was then restricted. I was convinced she truly could not stand me. I was always getting in trouble, always doing something stupid and I had criminal behaviors, even then. I gave my Mom, a run for her money. I was real good at being bad and did not pay attention in school. Who the heck needs to learn about how to spell or fractions and junk. I wanted them to stop wasting my time because I knew it all.

I stole her Cadillac at the tender age of 14, in an attempt at running away. I was headed to Ocean City, Md., I lived in Virginia. I went across state lines and was caught, in Maryland. I was then fingerprinted and charged by the F.B.I. with Interstate Transportation.
That was not the last time I ran away. The very last time, Miss Know It All, was 16. I ended up getting pregnant. Running away from home, changed my life forever. There was never, any turning back and I had made those choices, me and me alone.

Looking In The Mirror

I wanted to be all grown up. What I didn't realize was, along with being all grown up, came responsibilities. I can look back now and laugh about how ridiculous I was. I am able to see now, just how badly I blew things out of proportion, just how badly I blew up my life. I didn't want to be told what to do because I thought I, she's just being mean. I didn't realize she was teaching me but you couldn't tell me that. I had no real understanding of what being an adult, really entailed. I thought I could take care of myself, after all, how hard could it really be? I immediately found that I couldn't even get a job without my parents signature on the work permission slip. Even if I had not needed a permission to work slip, do you really think I could have found a job, at 14 or even 16, that would have paid me enough to live on my own? I had no real skills but I knew it all. Nobody hires "Know It Alls," simply because they say so, huh? So, what's a girl to do in a big mean world of big mean people just waiting to take advantage of you?
I thought I was in love. This guy was taking care of me. He had me living with him and he bought my food and so on. Did I practice safe sex? Nope and I never thought "I" would get pregnant. Now, how stupid is that? Girls have been getting pregnant since the dawn of time. It's a fact, the simple rule of the birds and the bees. I was immature enough to think I was all grown up and knew it all. Yet, I couldn't even understand the very concept of how, when you have sex, you get pregnant. It's as elementary as it gets but why didn't I believe it could or would happen to me? When you get pregnant it changes your life and oh yes Lord, you will have to grow up. But not before you learn it all the hard way. Your childhood is ripped out of your hands and you get what you want; you are all grown up. All the crying in the world won't change a damn thing either. You can cry because you can't go out anymore because you now have to stay home with a baby. You can cry because you just flushed your chances of going to college down the crapper, much less graduating high school with the rest of your class. You can cry because your baby won't stop crying, even though it's been fed, changed, cuddled and it's still crying and it's the middle of the night. What do you do...call Mommy?
So, you do the right thing, you get married to a guy you later realize you never loved, not in the sense of the Prince Charming you dreamed about. You fight all the time because you really didn't know each other in the first place and you are not really compatible but you stay with him because now, you are pregnant again. Who's going to give a job to some young girl with a kid and one on the way. You don't even have your High School diploma because you were pregnant and didn't graduate. Why won't they hire you, you know it all? So, you cook and clean and try to be the good little wife and here comes baby #3 and you are happy but you hate your life and you stand there, in front of the mirror and watch in horror as your body gets stretched and distorted. Your pretty breasts are no longer youthful, you are covered in stretch marks and the circles under your eyes betray you.
Mrs. Know It All didn't sleep again last night. The oldest child is sick with a fever and threw up all over his bedding and it's the only set of Sesame Street sheets you own for him. So, you put him in your bed, put his sheets in the wash and then he throws up all over your sheets and child #2 just woke up because child #1 is crying because he's sick. You're not feeling so good yourself and you just want to cry. Next thing you know, you have two in diapers, you have this pouch that hangs at your stomach and you are standing in front of the mirror and you question, how the hell it all happened. You have stretch marks on your breasts and they just don't stand up like they used to. You don't have time to even contemplate it too much cause now baby #3 is crying and needs fed. You go to pick him up and he's pooped up the back of his chair and you'll have to clean that before you can put him back down but don't trip over all the toys on the floor. Those damn Lego's are the most painful, especially in the middle of the night, when you least expect it. You are so tired after cleaning up, chasing kids, doing laundry, cooking dinner, feeding the kids and you climb into bed, at the end of the night exhausted. The hubby wants to be frisky cause that's what they do. So, you lay there, tired and feeling half dead and let a man who you really don't love, make love to you. You just hope he'll hurry so you can get some sleep.

So, you stand in front of the mirror again, years later and you ask yourself, "What the hell happened?"
Now, you get them all into school and you keep thinking how you want to get out of the house, maybe get a part-time job. They ask you, "Well, Mrs. Know It All, what skills do you possess, besides knowing it all, that will cause me to hire you?"
Nothing is more humbling than when you realize, that even at McDonald's you have to be trained and that may be the only job I might be given the chance to shine?
Years go by, you feel empty inside. You are tired of your life and you want a change. You leave your husband, take his children and start out on your own. You find yourself in the same stupid mess, needing help. You meet another loser and tell yourself you are in love. He's abusive but you feel stuck. He cripples you with his abuse and you cry in silence. He drinks and you start just to get on the same page and tolerate him. You try drugs to shut out the noise and they work, so you think. You keep slipping further and further into the lies, just so you don't have to feel the mess you've created by your choices. Now, you're addicted and those children you love so much become last on your list of important things to take care of. You never stopped loving them but you had more important things to do. You have an addiction to feed, an angry addiction.
You look in the mirror and you see a woman, old before her time. Mrs. Know It All, has track marks on her arms and hates herself so badly that she no longer wants to live. But who wants to waste good heroin on killing yourself? It's when you don't have it and you are so sick, that you want to die. You look at yourself, a shell of a person, a waste of skin, waste of life. And you wonder what happened?

Mrs. Know It All then became a number OF6708. She couldn't look in the mirror from her Prison cell. She might kill herself with the glass. She was so glad she couldn't see herself but could only imagine just how pathetic she looked. She sure didn't know it all now. She sure wished she could turn back the hands of time but there's no such thing. There were no tears left for her to cry as they humbled her with their strip searches and indignities.
What she became aware of, what she did learn was that she had choices all along, from the very beginning. It took a lifetime to learn. It almost took her life.

Choices

You have choices in every single minute of every day. Your story is different but I think you just need some coping skills. If your Mom tells you to do something and you question it, you need to look at why she may be asking you to do that something. You need to talk to her. If the lines of communication are down in your house, build new ones. If you think something is unfair, ask her why she is asking you to do whatever it is, she's asking. Ask without an attitude and you just might not be met, with an attitude. Remember that your Mom is human, she's only a woman trying to be your Mom, that ain't easy. Ask yourself what is she trying to teach you instead of thinking she's being mean. Write her a letter and explain how you feel and ask her to explain. Never forget what it would like without your Mom, you'll never have another and you'll never find the same love a mother has, for her daughter. If things are strained, don't run, try to work it out. What choices do you have, to make things better? Make the right choice, please?

Yes, Mrs. Know It All was me. My name now, is... Mz.Babs Humbled.

Keeping It Really Real,

Aunt Babz

Fight Potion #7

Dear Aunt B,

There is this girl, Samantha, 2 grades below me and she seriously hates me. Okay so this is how it all started: I was going out with this guy named connor, and she liked him at the same time. I wasn't obsessed with connor, but idk i guess i liked him. So she was determined to break us up. So she created this ridiculous and embarassing text message about me and showed it to him when she was hanging out with him and a bunch of people at the movies. Apparently he didn't believe it because thats what he told me. Samantha is friends with my friends so i dont know what to so, like should i do something back? Should i ignore her? And apparently she wants to "fight" me. I dont fight because i dont think it solves anything i dont feel like being at war with this 12 year old. She has connections to some pretty scary people and i dont want to get involved with her. And her friend Chynna is going out with my best friend Nick. She also hates me, because she thinks i like Nick, which i dont. So there are two girls, again both younger than me that hate me and idk what they are going to do next, what should i do?




Hey There,

Oh no, she shouldn't hate you! Hate's not cool! Well, first thing, yeah, don't fight her. Kids these days, and you said she's got some scary connections, if you fight her, she's going to bring her little clique with her and they'll most likely jump in against you. And plus, she's two grade's younger than you, that's not going to look good for you no matter what. And plus, like you said, fighting doesn't really solve anything. Well, you said she's 12, and two grades younger than you. So I'm guessing she's in about 7th grade, and you're in 9th?

IF you two go to the same school right now, and I don't know that you do, but if you do, you two will likely be at different schools soon. But that's in the long run, for now, there's still quite a ways left in school. And, people forget things. And if/when it gets proven that she made up those text messages, and you say it doesn't bother you, then she comes out to be the mean person in this. Of course she'll deny it, but for one thing the pressure will be on her when people start asking her about it, and she'll get caught up in one of her lies eventually. You see what I'm saying? And meanwhile, while she's trying to explain to people why she lied, you won't have any explaining to do about anything, because you never did anything wrong in the first place (ie starting rumors about her, fighting, etc;).

That's another thing, don't start rumors about her either. That doesn't turn out well ever. And for the rumors that she started, I already said how people will forget about them. But also, as long as your good friends know the truth about you, it's not as bad if the people that believe these rumors are people you don't even know.

You're not going out with Connor anymore right? Well, you can't do anything about it, but she should really apologize, but it's not like you can force her to. And plus, if you don't even go out with him anymore, I don't get why she would want to fight you still. I know that it's frusterating that she created the rumor about you with her text message, but really there's nothing much you can do about it. You said Samantha hates you, and that's a life lesson kind of, because no matter what, not everybody's going to like you, even if it's just for the sake of not liking you.

There's really nothing you can do about her creating that text, because she already created it. If/when somebody asks you about it, you tell the truth, and that's that she made it up. It will pass over time though, I promise :). And for your friend Nick and his girl Chynna; Unfortunatly she'll bad mouth you to Nick, that's inevitable.

But a couple different things this could work out good for you. One is that since you and Nick are best friends, she'll bad mouth you enough to him that he'll get sick of her talking bad about his best friend (you) and dump her, especially if you don't constantly talk bad about her. And two is, well, he's your best friend, so he shouldn't ever turn on you and leave with her. As long as you and Nick know there's nothing between you two, then you should be ok. And maybe just try to be cool with Chynna, talk to her, maybe you'll get along.

Ok, the last thing you wrote was that you're concerned about what they might do next. That's tough because people are unpredictable. There is no reason for them to do anything. Especially Samantha, because you're not with Conner anymore (right?). If you are afraid of what they'll do, there's no shame in going to your parents, and telling them that you're a little frightened, the only problem there is if kids find out, then they'll possibly give you a hard time. Which is unfortunate, but kids can be cruel.

I would suggest not trying to fight them or anything, don't do anything that would give them a reason to want to do something to you. They're a couple years younger than you so I'm thinking if you just try to ignore them, they might forget about you. Of course, not Chynna, since she thinks you like Nick. You are still entitled to hang out with him, because you are friends, but just try to avoid Chynna and Samantha, don't look scared, but just avoid them. My only fear is you said they hang out with some dangerous people, and kids these days hang out with big groups and think they're tough, so they gang up on people, and I don't want them to gang up on you. My best advice is just to avoid them the best you can, and as long as your best friends know the truth, I wouldn't worry about what a bunch of other people think.

Well, I'm sorry I couldn't give you any better advice on the last part, and I'm really sorry that Samantha made up rumors about you, I really hope it all works out for you! I hope I was able to help you out, at least a little, and I wish you the best of luck! Peace.

mb3


Dear Friend,

I agree with mb3 on many levels. He has given you some great advice, the very best is to avoid them as much as possible, as well, as taking the stance that you as well as your BF's know the truth and that's all that really matters.

Nothing gets around better than word of mouth. This is true in big business advertising as well as personal matters. You start spreading the news that you are, "too mature to be reduced to fighting some girl." See, by stating this, someone who still dwells on fighting will have to think to themselves, "Hey, am I acting maturely about this?"

I was a fighter in school. I never started them, only finished the fight. So, I know all about all the bull that goes along with some chick who goes around trying to solve her issues with fear. You just have to get the word out that "you have better things to do with your time than to fight some chick who is obviously bored with her life and must create chaos to jazz it up."

Those exact words, must be used. They are my very own Fight Potion #7 and I can just about guarantee they'll work as well as Love Potion #9


Keeping It Real,

Aunt Babz

Do Over

Dear Aunt Babz,

Hi and I'm 13 and am having problems with my mom

QUESTION me and my mom r arguing alot and i have an attitude problem and i realize that but its wasting alot of time but no matter how hard i try and not to act smart i just blow up and talk back with an attitude and there we go wasting time arguing about the silliest things but its just not every now and then its every day what do i do????

i have another question

i'm starting to think im addicted to being online but i have no idea how to stop its my outlet from the ? above and my parents divorce do u have any ideas on how to stop?

Dear Reader,

Well, realizing there's a problem, in the situation, is already half the battle. The other half would be for you to reign in your emotions and begin to be responsible for the things you say.

With maturity comes that responsibility, you know, to keep yourself in check. You're already ahead of the program because you are looking for a solution and the very fact that you've written looking for help, in the whole scenario, speaks volumes as to your maturity. I have met countless adults who can't even look at themselves in the mirror and be honest, as you obviously are trying to do. I give you credit for this.

Now, what can you do, when it comes to keeping those emotions in check and not giving attitude to your Mom?

First and foremost, I see that you are stubborn beyond reason, huh? I mean, you have a hard time being told what to do. As well, you do not like to be wrong about anything, at least in front of anybody. I do realize that you react, go off, say things you shouldn't, talk back and you can be rather sassy. The good part in this is that when it's all said and done, you do sit back and think about it. You do reason as to whether you were right or wrong. And of course, you are actually sorry, especially when it comes to your Mom, right?

When I was a kid, we had a game and when we wiped the slate clean, in a proverbial manner, we called it a "Do Over."

I will personally give you a Do Over, right here, right now. From this moment on, you will learn to think before you speak. The wisest of wise, do not run off at the mouth. No, they think before they speak and are known for those words. "You will say what you mean, mean what you say and try not to say it too mean." This is my Creed, the very words, I myself, try to live by. I am fallible but the difference between me and the average Joe, is that I try to be a better person, I try to bridle my tongue and most of all, I hold myself accountable for my actions. I realized that for years, I made excuse for my behaviors. In example;

Let's say that a person steals from the store. That person may tell themselves that they don't have the money for the item that they really want, so they'll just take it. Now, they've lied to themselves and begin to believe that they have a Sense of Entitlement. (That link is an excellent example, check it out.) It is quite involved, this sense of entitlement gig but it happens all the time. Instead of seeing that they don't have a right to take anything, they might simply try to explain it away. See, actually, they should have realized that;

#1 You must only do what you want done to you
#2 They wouldn't like someone to take something of theirs
#3 If we all just took what we wanted, there would be Wild West mayhem


The point being, you must not lie to yourself and examine your actions, especially when you feel they are wrong or in question. You clearly have this ability to deduce situations and assign an understanding of how you should behave. That is called "moral fiber." You have it and hopefully you will continue to keep it ingrained, deep within your psyche. It is one of your most valuable attributes.

Now, I've kind of veered off the issue here but in the situation with your Mom, you must learn that she tells you things, most likely, for your own good. Never be a know it all. I was and damn if I didn't have to learn all things the hard way. Once I began to realize that in fact I did not know it all, it was then and only then that I really began to learn. And not the hard way.

Learn to be wrong. It takes the bigger person to admit that they are wrong but to do the right thing. Sometimes it's the hardest thing you'll ever do, to admit when you are wrong. Understand? Meaning, you will begin to respect yourself, when you can admit your error. Respecting yourself is the key to being a good human being.In turn, when you respect yourself for doing the right thing, for living right, people in turn, will also respect you.

As well, when you don't talk trash, you don't just run at the mouth but you weigh your words first, people will sit up and listen because they know that you think before you speak.

I notice that you have more self-control than you even realize. Awareness of a problem, even in addiction, for example, (*The 12 Steps) the First Step is admitting we have a problem. You have done this, concerning the thing with your Mom and with the Internet.

I suppose you need to be aware of your Internet usage and possibly limit BS and if you must use it as a means of entertainment, I would begin to look up things, possibly in Wikipedia. Learn to love to learn. I see nothing wrong with using the Internet to learn and so on. But it is meaningless if you are social networking as an escape. Just to bring you up to speed, social networking, well, the things people say, the language, the thought process, well, it's all pretty fake and it's easy to get caught up in it. I would suggest you limit this, for starters and begin to reign, train yourself to spend more time in things that are productive. Find a subject that interests you and excel in it, own it, learn everything you can about it. Then, move onto to something else.

Keeping It Real,

Aunt Babz

12 Steps of AA

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Suggested Reading;

Choose To Be You

Meet Mrs. Know It All; How To Screw Up Your Life

On Front Street

Stop Right There; If you are under 18, you may want to get permission to read this!!!

Hey Aunt B,

I really want to move to Beverly Hills CA but my parents don't i hate living in england so much. I had to move school a few months ago because i was getting bullied the main reason why i want to move is because Beverly Hills is so glamorous, sunny and the schools there seem so much better then in England. Sometimes i feel like because my mum and dad don't want to move there i should just run away and go there on my own, but its not as easy as that. My dream is to become an actress i love doing performing arts in school and i can imagine myself behind a camera. what should i do i know that if i move to Beverly Hills then i can pursue my dreams but my mum and dad don't want to. please help me what should i do? x

Dear X,

Far be it from me to try to burst your bubble as I do enjoy your vim and vigor and your clear cut case of drive. I respect your dream, as well. Mark my words though; You must think things through entirely, all the days of your life, in every situation, especially this one. Imagine you are watching a video tape of your life and your decisions and try to see the end of that movie.

Here in America, many girls have the same dream of fame and fortune. Very few make it. I don't know how old you are but before you do something you'll regret, I'm going to put it all out there for you. We call it putting it all on Front Street. That means I am going to be blunt and tell you like it is.

We'll start at the beginning of this hypothetical tape, this movie of your life;

1. I don't know any parent who would/could simply pick up and move across the Sea, to sunny California, simply because their child asks them to. So, put away that resentment towards your parents for not accommodating you. It costs a lot of money to move across town much less across the Atlantic Ocean or wherever. There's a lot of paperwork involved as well, Visa's etc.,They'd have to have a lot of "disposable" income, just for starters. They'd have to have jobs set up, a home purchased and Real Estate in California is extremely expensive.
2. So, you decide to run away? How will you get to America? Plane? That costs at least $800 to $1000. Where will you get that kind of money?
3. Assuming you somehow make it to Cali, where will you live? With what money will you buy your daily food, even if it's one meal a day?
4. Oh, so you say you'll get a job? Well, I don't know how old you are but in the States, you usually have to have your parents signature on the Work Permit.
   Read what it says, on the California Labor Laws site. about your required education, too; Almost all minors under the age of 18 are subject to California's child labor protections. Under the California Labor Code, "minor" is defined as any person under the age of 18 years required to attend school under the provisions of the Education Code, and any person under age six. "Dropouts" are subject to California's compulsory education laws, and thus are subject to all state child labor law requirements. Emancipated minors, while subject to all California's child labor laws, may apply for a work permit without their parents' permission.

X, I could go on and on. The problem here is I would do you a great disservice, if I encouraged you to follow through with this idea. Furthermore, I would hate for you to end up a statistic, here in the States or even in England, on girls who runaway and end up abused, addicted to drugs and this happens here as well as England and the rest of the world. They didn't think it through. They were not as smart as you and didn't seek counsel, opinion or understanding.

When I write for this Advice Column, I not only write to you personally but I hope others will read these posts. It is my wish for young people, especially, to possibly learn from my own mistakes, from my out and out stupidity. Yes, I was a... "Know-it-All" and you could not tell me a thing. Nope, I had to learn all things the hard way. Then, when I was backed into a corner, a corner that I most likely placed myself in, I felt, often times that I had no choice. But if I learned nothing else in my 49 years is that we have a choice in every single flippin situation. The problem is that we are too impulsive, we jump and we don't think things through. We don't play that tape, that glimpse of our life and what the outcome of our actions will be.

Don't be a Know-it-All, like I was. Every day, here in America and abroad, girls and guys alike, run away from home, in search of a better life. They never looked at the bigger picture. They were not mature enough to be able to see things as they really are. What I mean by this is that quite often we think we have it real bad at home. Sometimes, this is true. For those that are oppressed by bad parents and are in abusive, neglected, alcoholic, drug addicted homes, it is almost understandable to not want to live in those conditions. God help them.

We get sick of our parents hounding us, sick of being under their rule and hearing such things as, "As long as you live under this roof, you will follow the rules of this house." We think they're just being mean and treating us like we are mindless kids. They tell us when to go to bed, what to eat, who we can hang around with and who we can't. They tell us we have to go to school, when we hate school and feel like those stupid teachers aren't teaching us anything, really anyway. I can remember thinking that I did not need to learn those stupid fractions, where Uganda is, all about Chemistry, I mean really, when was I going to mix chemicals?

They yell at us cause we're on the phone too much and because we don't do our homework and on and on and on. I didn't think I needed that Sex Education class cause I sure knew how to have sex. I even remember thinking I could teach them a thing or two.

I think having to go to school was the biggest thing I felt I didn't need. But I did need it and so do you. You'll need those fractions just to follow a simple recipe. You'll need to know the effects of chemicals mixed. Yes even those household chemicals like bleach and ammonia have the ability to kill you, if mixed. Unless you want to seem like a back woods idiot, there are certain things in life, things they teach in school, just to be able to hold an intelligent conversation and to understand what is being said.

And remember me saying I could teach those Sex Educators a thing or two? Well, it is a bit painful to admit but even at the age of 15, when I thought I knew it all, I didn't. My Step-Mom was on Birth Control. When you take those pills everyday, they give you 30-31 pills to take. There are 7 that are either sugar pills or a low dose of estrogen. They give you those, quite often to keep you in the habit of taking them or to to keep that dose in your system. Normally, you go on your period for those 7- days. Anyway, like an idiot, I saw they were in the linen closet and decided to take one, for a Friday night outing. I was going to a party and figured this would cover me from getting pregnant. How stupid. I did this more than a few times and am only fortunate I did not get pregnant.

Oh, but I did not come out of my teen years unscathed. Just in case you don't read the link I provided, I'll tell you that I became pregnant shortly after my 16th Birthday, after running away from home. But I never thought it would happen to me. Sex Education taught us the rudimentary facts of life but we knew it all, ha!

I have to warn you about what happens to girls who run away, go to the Big Apple/ New York City or to Hollywood with an unplanned, not thought out desire to make it big in show biz...a life of Drugs, Stripping and Prostitution. More often than not, they are led to take care of themselves the only way their unskilled, unschooled, unplanned selves can. You'd be surprised what you might consider doing when you are on the street and hungry!

A job at McDonald's is not going to pay your rent, utilities or food. You have nothing to offer the corporate world and that's the only kind of job you may be lucky enough to get. In case you didn't know it, there is stiff competition out there these days. People with High School Diplomas are even having a hard time getting a good paying job. You'll see people with a college degree finding it difficult to find placement because somebody who had better scores on their SAT's will be considered first.

Yep, to make ends meet so they don't have to sleep on the street, these girls either hook up with some pimp who preys on their vulnerable situation, namely being on the street and he puts them to work. Oh sure, he'll give you a nice warm place to lay your weary self down at night but you can bet you'll be bringing in the money and handing it to him. If you are lucky, he'll buy you a nice outfit, so you'll be a better package on the street. It's cold outside but you are walking those mean streets. You'll be wondering why you ever left the comfort of your home, where there were people who actually really loved you. You'll wish you could be where people love you for you and not just want you for your body.

Many Firsts

Then one day you look in the mirror at someone who's aged beyond their years because they lived a rough life. You won't have any more tears left to cry. You'll be able to understand better than most, just how and why an addict is born; It shuts up the pain. That pain, you brought upon yourself. That addiction, yes, you developed it, first to possibly give you the courage to go out and have sex with a perfect stranger. Yes, you instantly got that courage from a bottle of liquor, that first swig you needed that very first time, you had to take your clothes off in front of howling men hoping they will stick a $1 in your G-String. You do it all just so you had an accumulated bunch of $1 bills to pay the rent for a grimy apartment on the bad side of town.

Or you can stay put, nice and warm with your clothes on, get your education, get a part-time job, save the money, put it aside and work towards your dream. Plan it, be safe and don't become a statistic.

Meet Mrs. Know It All; How to Screw Up Your Life

Keeping It Real,

Aunt Babz

PS, Please make sure you read what Xmichra has personally written to you. It's excellent advice. Chow!

Dear X,

First, I would like to tell you this: DO NOT RUN. Running will never solve your problems, and most certainly will make them 100% worse.

Second: I can understand that you have a dream to pursue, but your parents are trying to be the best parents they can be. They moved you from one school for your own protection and mental health. That should be evidence to you that they love you and would be so tremendously hurt if you were to defy them and choose to move whole countries away from them without looking at solutions in your own home.

Thirdly: what I mean by the above, is that there are plenty of great acting studios, colleges, universities in your area that are world renown AND within your cost of living. Both of which you are NOT guaranteed if you were to move to Hollywood.

Hollywood does seem glamorous, but for the most part it is all a farce. There are thousands of actors and actress wannabe’s there just dying for their “lucky break”, and plenty of those people do unspeakable things (like staring in pornography, taking elicit pictures of themselves, or dealing drugs) just to try and make connections and get known. And not saying that you would do this… but what the heck would you do?? Work at a diner somewhere for minimum wage? Try to live in economized housing or shared living where you are not in the best of environment and need that dinner job just to pay the rent? Then not being able to go to auditions because you have to work? Or worse getting turned down for auditions because you haven’t been schooled?

This has the potential to be the biggest mistake in your entire life. So why risk that? Especially when England has SOOOO much to offer!! Look at this:

http://east15.ac.uk/

http://www.lipa.ac.uk/standard/index.htm

http://www.drama.ac.uk/

http://www.oldvic.ac.uk/

http://www.spa.ex.ac.uk/drama/welcome.shtml

http://www.gsmd.ac.uk/

http://www1.rhbnc.ac.uk/drama/

http://www.act-up.co.uk/

http://www.physicaltheatre.com/main/index.asp

http://actorspace.co.uk/

http://www.mountview.ac.uk/

Those are just eleven of the schools that I found, and they vary in location (London, Bromley by Bow, Birmingham, Lavander Hill, London, Surrey, Exeter, Bristol, Liverpool). And there are hundreds of English actors who have worked their way into the “Hollywood scene” just by being good a their craft. Examples??

Hugh Grant : Won a scholarship to New College, Oxford. He studied English Literature and graduated with upper second-class honors degree. He made his acting debut from and Oxford financed play – “Privileged” and his first big movie was BRITISH not American. He stared in Four Weddings and a Funeral which gave him instant star status.

Orlando Bloom – wasn’t all that great in school (he had dyslexia) so his mother encouraged him to move to London and pursue his strength: acting. He followed a two year A level course in Drama, photography and sculpture at Fine Arts College, Hampstead. Then he joined the National Youth theatre and earned a scholarship to train at the British American Drama Academy. He acted on tv shows in England and then went to Guildhall School of Music and Drama (England) to study acting. After TWO DAYS of graduating from there, he was cast as Legolas in Lord of the Rings, which made Orlando a huge success and a household name (never mind all the awards and fan clubs and what have you).

Want more examples??? There are THOUSANDS:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:English_actors

So, I guess if I were to advise you I would say do your research to follow your dreams. You can have the best of intentions, but if you are not smart about your choices your dreams can fade quickly and you will be left with an emptiness you have never felt. There are plenty of great resources that you can harness, and one of those would be through your own school. Join a drama class. Make your dream happen. But do not think for one second that a fairy with a magic wand just puts these people where they are… it is all earned. And you will have to earn it too.

Good luck to you, and I hope to see you on the big screen one day :)

~Xmichra.

It's An Awkward Age

Dear Aunt Babz,

i'm 12 yrs old and kinda gay (i think) i'm female and every now and then i'll go on the internet and type in something like penis, tits, sex or something like that but i cant help it!!!!!!! when something comes up or catches my eye i'll go on it... jst now i've been looking at stuff when i thought i had to stop it! pleeeeeze!! i'm desperate and in need of advice!!! please answer me! it's not my faault i make out with soft toys!!!!! please i'm crying so much lately because i feel guilty about this!!!

anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

I can understand the guilt that is accompanying your actions, but don’t feel too badly. What you are doing is natural, and awkward, and definitely not gay.

You are twelve, and going into being a young adult has multitudes of questions. And most of them biologically is about the sexes. What do people look like, what does a penis look like, what does a vagina look like, what does sex look like. It’s all a natural part of growing up.

I would caution you to take it easy though. Sex and exploration doesn’t have to happen at such a young age. Take your childhood for a little longer, you will wish that you had later in life. And talk to your parents or to an adult that you trust. Talking about all the changes your body will be making and all the anxiety you feel over these new emotions can help you to work through them and not make it a shameful experience.

Don’t worry, you are normal. You’re just growing up.

Take care

~Xmichra~

Dear Anonymous,

I must agree with Xmichra, what you are doing and experiencing is quite normal. It's rather natural to want to know what things look like, as well in a comparative nature, you may feel drawn to looking at women. That does not mean you are gay. Nor does it mean you are gay because you prefer to look at women, ok?

For some young girls, soon to be women, it's an experimental time. You find yourself looking at things in the mirror and then possibly going online to see who, what, where things are. Is yours, similar or the same? Does it look normal? As I write this, I remember my own feelings and observations;

No two vagina's are alike, for starters. As well, there's no wrong or right look. What I mean is this; You have some that are thick and full. Some are high-n-tight. Some are pink, some are darker. You'll find every one is different. And it's ever changing. In example, it might be pink now but when you have children and mature, it may turn darker. There's no wrong or right, you see?

Consensus says, men have an opinion that ranges from liking a certain look to not caring at all, it's all favorable. But it stands to reason, a guy will be attracted to a certain type of girl just as you have an opinion as to the type of guy that you are attracted to.

While we're on the subject of attraction, let me make it clear to you that just because you find women more attractive does not mean a thing. At this age, it may feel safer. I can imagine a Penis may seem scary, big and menacing. It may very well be a turn off to you and you find yourself, in your search, looking more at women. While aesthetic beauty is something I still find an appreciation for, it does not mean you are gay. As well, looking at women may seem/feel safer?

Yes, you are too young to ever think that you will turn out/be gay. Give it some time. You may change your mind. Experimentation, you know the actual act of homosexuality, is also not outside the norm. You can not draw conclusions from that, as well. We all play, "Doctor," and may even go on to something a little more serious, a trumped up version of playing Doctor. It is when it persists and you find that you are not in any way, shape or form attracted to the opposite sex, that is a definition of actually being Gay. And then it becomes you and your pursuit of happiness entails it and finding someone who shares your feelings, hopes, dreams in a gay relationship.

Of course, most of us explore, as young people with the same sex and it is natural. Some grow out of it, some never do as the way they are hardwired dictates an attraction to the same sex. As well, some grow to enjoy both sexes and are Bi-sexual.

I encourage you to not jump to conclusions, especially at this young, impressionable and tender age. As well, while I think looking at pictures of a sexual nature is rather natural, I do discourage you from looking at Pornography. At 12 years old, it may taint your perception of what or how things should be. Porn does not show what a healthy sexual relationship is between a man and a woman. It can be degrading, especially for women. It does not depict the natural course of action between a man and a woman in a loving relationship.

I encourage you to wait for sexual relations. Sex is over rated. Love making is never wrong between two healthy adults, hopefully in a monogamous relationship. Notice that word, "Adults." I lost my virginity at 12. I thought I was a woman. I was not nor did I know as much as I thought I did. Live and learn. But I do hope you'll learn from our mistakes. I hope you will heed the warnings that you might hear, of the tales of those who became pregnant at a young age and how it changed the very course of their lives. It happened to me and I can remember thinking, "Oh, that'll never happen to me!" But why wouldn't it? I mean since the dawn of time, it's the nature of man and woman.

You have sexual relations/intercourse just once and you become pregnant. That's all it takes, it's so simple, yet we scoff of the idea that it will happen to us...till it does. Then, it may be too late. All your aspirations go right out the window. Most guys at a young age, don't get it either. Then their girlfriend gets pregnant and their lives are changed as well. Quite often though, the girl gets left behind to raise a child they did not plan for and the guy goes on the list of Child Support Dead Beat Dad's. He is forever resentful because YOU got pregnant and now he has to pay. They attach his wages and take the money. Even if he does stick around, he often thinks he's still single and wants to run wild with the fella's and carry on. All the while, you are at home stuck with a crying baby. You've done everything to try to make the baby stop crying but it's 2am and he just wants to cry. Or maybe he has an earache, it hurts and you can't tell why he won't stop crying. You are exhausted but you can't sleep when your child is crying. Daddy's still out with the boys playing X-Box and it's all on you, every day. There is no turning back, kiss your life, as you knew it good-bye. Selah

We won't even go into the diseases you'll get from that guy that doesn't look sick. Or the fact that he's slept around and every girl he's slept with, you now sleep with because if he got a disease three girls ago, he's going to give it to you. But he looked good, huh? Little did you know, he was infected with AIDS?HIV. See, until you are actually ding from the effects of HIV, with todays meds, a person doesn't look sick. Then in their last days, they become thin and sickly looking, maybe you can even see Karposi's Sarcoma? But "he didn't look sick," is all you're left saying.

When I write these posts, I often write from experience and I write hoping others will read it. I also often tell it like it is and reveal painful things in the hopes that you or someone else won't have to endure what I did. People and things can be deceptive. Think before you do, that's all. Don't be like me, a woman who grew up too quickly with child at 16 years old. Don't be stupid like I was. I shared a needle because of my addiction to Heroin. Yes, I tried it and the very first time, I thought it spoke to my soul, cured all my ailments. Little did I know it would be my own demise. Yes, I shared a needle with someone who looked healthy. I didn't heed the warnings, neither did my first or second husband. I have Hep C because of this. My first husband has already died from Hep C, a painful and terrible thing to watch. Especially, knowing you have the same disease and may die just like that, painfully slow.

I guess I'm telling you...don't grow up too fast. There's no joy in adulthood that is rushed.

More Reading...

Getting Unstuck


Words To Live By

Test The Waters

Xmichra Answers

This was sent to Aunt Babz via email...

Dear Aunt B,

Hi. My name is Spencer and I’m fourteen years old. I have a bit of a problem. You see, I have a group of three friends (We’ll call them Abby, Ally and Alex). Abby and Alex just started going out. Recently, Abby has been pressuring me to go out with Ally. I don’t know if she’s just saying that because she’s going out with Alex or if her interest in genuine. I admit, I have always been somewhat attracted to Ally, but I’m not sure what I should do. Thanks for your help.

Dear Spencer,

I have two pieces to this advice. So it would depend entirely on which road you are on.

1- you have an attraction to a friend, but just want to be friends. In this case, I would suggest telling Abby that you don’t want to mess things up by getting more involved, and that you like the time the four of you spend together. Who knows, maybe this is just Abby pressuring you and not what Ally wants at all… in which case, I would just go straight to Ally.

2- You are genuinely interested in dating Ally, but you are afraid that since Abby was asking and not Ally that there is a chance at rejection. In this case, I would suggest testing the waters. It’s never easy to get into dating… but you can test to see if Ally’s like of you is genuine. Try saying something jokingly (but not over the wall joking) “you know, Abby and Alex are dating we should give it a go too huh?” or when the four of you are hanging out something like “well since Alex has his partner you can be my partner for the night”. Something that will let you know if she is at all interested before you flat out ask her. And if she responds well to that, I would ask her out.

Just be sure that you like this girl and she likes you. The worst thing in the world is to be pressured into doing something that you are not comfortable with.. and usually the results end up messy and mean.

Good luck Spencer!

There's No Future in Dropping Out

Xmichra Answers

This was sent to Aunt Babz via email...

Aunt Babz,

heya my names carl im 15 =]

ive been getting really stressed lately because of the following matters:

school


school is really stressing me out lately i find hard to do the work and keep up with the coursework this is very stressing because i don't understand it ive also been put in a lot of classes where i don't fit in because its full of popular people and they all ignore me and stuff. also i get bullyed a bit of school because my hair style and the music i like and im not enjoying it. i just want to leave and get a job and earn money to go live near my girlfriend when im 18-19 its a long distance thing so we hardly see each other so i want to move near her and be with her and school is in my way of this.

help?


thanks ?

Dear Carl,

Sometimes when young love is involved, things get in the way of decision. I know that you care for your girlfriend, but making a decision based on her geography now will be something that you may later regret. So instead of focusing on her location at the moment, lets work out your schooling issues.

It is the beginning of the school year, and I remember how I felt that first few weeks with new classes and people around me. It’s nerve racking and I can assure you that it gets better as the year progresses. You are fifteen now, so I am assuming that you have either entered grade nine or ten (depends on the person really). Both of these grades are much more difficult then the years previous for the simple reason that the teachers are trying to guide you towards a college learning habit. That is to say, more studying more pop quizzes and higher expectations with your oral and written communication. So there is a fair bit to get used too… it’s not like jr. high or elementary, and you are not alone in feeling overwhelmed.

But I can tell you right now that if you decided to leave school and find employment while you still have the ability both mentally and financially, you will be setting up your future for some real hard disappointments. The number one of those is the likelihood of not gaining meaningful employment later in your life. Sure making a few hundred dollars now seems like a lot of money, but in five years that is not going to be sustainable to your life and living your life.

The other people in your class should not sway you to leave or stay in school, even though I do understand how that can feel and that feeling is very strong. You can’t let the reactions of others depict what you want to do, and will do in your life. It is a tough lesson to learn, and often not an easy one… but imagine if you let others bring you down all the time? In high school, college, work, everywhere there are people that will not be the same as you. And there will be plenty of assholes out there, there is no shortage believe me. But like I have said before, the trick is to not be prey to one, or to become one. And I have this feeling that if you were to cut your schooling that you will later be resentful in life, and you will be hardened by that. So please do yourself a favor and fight back now, and stay in school.

If you need extra help, go to your teachers. If they themselves cannot help one on one, they can usually find a tutor or a study group to join. Also, let your parents know of the frustration that you are feeling regarding school and maybe they can find a way to help you as well.

It all comes down to your life and how bright you want your future to be. If you want to limit your possibilities then dropping out of school and trying to make your way in the world of jobs is definitely going to hinder you. But if you want to be able to rise above this, and be in a good position for when you are nineteen and living on your own… then please, stay in school and do what you can. Then, if it was really meant to be, you and your girlfriend can start a good life together with hope and education behind you.

Good luck Carl.

Aunt Babz Said,

Carl, I agree with Xmichra on this. In this day and age, it's so difficult to get a good job without a high school diploma. It's even harder for those that don't have college. Those with some college are filling the ranks of workforce, now, of those that don't have a diploma. The pecking order is getting more difficult. Unless you have some technical schooling, you're going to be in trouble.

I have labels on my sidebar, concerning Empowerment. Do your homework and read as many as possible. You've got to get to a point where you don't give a flying sausage what anyone else thinks of you. Once you are secure in yourself, always being honest with you, you have nothing to fear but fear itself.