Sunday, March 9, 2008

Do Over

Dear Aunt Babz,

Hi and I'm 13 and am having problems with my mom
QUESTION me and my mom r arguing alot and i have an attitude problem and i realize that but its wasting alot of time but no matter how hard i try and not to act smart i just blow up and talk back with an attitude and there we go wasting time arguing about the silliest things but its just not every now and then its every day what do i do????
i have another question
i'm starting to think im addicted to being online but i have no idea how to stop its my outlet from the ? above and my parents divorce do u have any ideas on how to stop?

Dear Reader,

Well, realizing there's a problem, in the situation, is already half the battle. The other half would be for you to reign in your emotions and begin to be responsible for the things you say.

With maturity comes that responsibility, you know, to keep yourself in check. You're already ahead of the program because you are looking for a solution and the very fact that you've written looking for help, in the whole scenario, speaks volumes as to your maturity. I have met countless adults who can't even look at themselves in the mirror and be honest, as you obviously are trying to do. I give you credit for this.

Now, what can you do, when it comes to keeping those emotions in check and not giving attitude to your Mom?

First and foremost, I see that you are stubborn beyond reason, huh? I mean, you have a hard time being told what to do. As well, you do not like to be wrong about anything, at least in front of anybody. I do realize that you react, go off, say things you shouldn't, talk back and you can be rather sassy. The good part in this is that when it's all said and done, you do sit back and think about it. You do reason as to whether you were right or wrong. And of course, you are actually sorry, especially when it comes to your Mom, right?

When I was a kid, we had a game and when we wiped the slate clean, in a proverbial manner, we called it a "Do Over."

I will personally give you a Do Over, right here, right now. From this moment on, you will learn to think before you speak. The wisest of wise, do not run off at the mouth. No, they think before they speak and are known for those words. "You will say what you mean, mean what you say and try not to say it too mean." This is my Creed, the very words, I myself, try to live by. I am fallible but the difference between me and the average Joe, is that I try to be a better person, I try to bridle my tongue and most of all, I hold myself accountable for my actions. I realized that for years, I made excuse for my behaviors. In example;

Let's say that a person steals from the store. That person may tell themselves that they don't have the money for the item that they really want, so they'll just take it. Now, they've lied to themselves and begin to believe that they have a Sense of Entitlement. (That link is an excellent example, check it out.) It is quite involved, this sense of entitlement gig but it happens all the time. Instead of seeing that they don't have a right to take anything, they might simply try to explain it away. See, actually, they should have realized that;

#1 You must only do what you want done to you
They wouldn't like someone to take something of theirs
#3 If we all just took what we wanted, there would be Wild West mayhem

The point being, you must not lie to yourself and examine your actions, especially when you feel they are wrong or in question. You clearly have this ability to deduce situations and assign an understanding of how you should behave. That is called "moral fiber." You have it and hopefully you will continue to keep it ingrained, deep within your psyche. It is one of your most valuable attributes.

Now, I've kind of veered off the issue here but in the situation with your Mom, you must learn that she tells you things, most likely, for your own good. Never be a know it all. I was and damn if I didn't have to learn all things the hard way. Once I began to realize that in fact I did not know it all, it was then and only then that I really began to learn. And not the hard way.

Learn to be wrong. It takes the bigger person to admit that they are wrong but to do the right thing. Sometimes it's the hardest thing you'll ever do, to admit when you are wrong. Understand? Meaning, you will begin to respect yourself, when you can admit your error. Respecting yourself is the key to being a good human being.In turn, when you respect yourself for doing the right thing, for living right, people in turn, will also respect you.

As well, when you don't talk trash, you don't just run at the mouth but you weigh your words first, people will sit up and listen because they know that you think before you speak.

I notice that you have more self-control than you even realize. Awareness of a problem, even in addiction, for example, (*The 12 Steps) the First Step is admitting we have a problem. You have done this, concerning the thing with your Mom and with the Internet.

I suppose you need to be aware of your Internet usage and possibly limit BS and if you must use it as a means of entertainment, I would begin to look up things, possibly in Wikipedia. Learn to love to learn. I see nothing wrong with using the Internet to learn and so on. But it is meaningless if you are social networking as an escape. Just to bring you up to speed, social networking, well, the things people say, the language, the thought process, well, it's all pretty fake and it's easy to get caught up in it. I would suggest you limit this, for starters and begin to reign, train yourself to spend more time in things that are productive. Find a subject that interests you and excel in it, own it, learn everything you can about it. Then, move onto to something else.

Keeping It Real,

Aunt Babz

12 Steps of AA

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Suggested Reading;

Choose To Be You

Meet Mrs. Know It All; How To Screw Up Your Life

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