Saturday, March 22, 2008


Hi Aunt B

I have never used a site like this before or even advice columns in the past.

I am English but live in Europe (3 hour flight).
I met a guy a couple of years ago through mutual friends.
During the first year he came to visit his friends quite often
And we always had a good time
During the second year he didnt come to visit but we kept in touch via email
I have just returned from a holiday in the UK
Where I had a night out with this bloke
We had a fantastic time and he said he would come to visit soon
I have been humming & haing over returning to England for several months
I feel I should make this decision for myself regardless of what may or may not happen with this guy
But should I discuss it with him before hand?
I would like to see more of him if I did return to England
But have no idea if he feels the same way
Is it acceptable to just ask where I stand with him?
Should I hang fire until he visits and discuss this in person?
I am so confused right now I feel like a teenager again (im in my 30's)
Any advice gratefully received.

Dear Reader,

I don’t think there is ever a problem asking where you stand with someone. So I don’t see why you should have to wait. What ever is said in person would be said in e-mail. But that is entirely up to you on how you would prefer to receive a message (and your Bloke too). So use your better judgment on that.

Maybe with that you would be able to better reason if you should move. I am pretty sure that anyone reading this is going to be shocked that I am not telling you to not move. But in all reality, if you are comfortable in England, can get a job, a place to live, and have a support system… why the hell not? I mean, most of us move around with our spouses anyways. And generally speaking it is relatively soon after marriage. So who’s to say that it wouldn’t work out for you? Not me. I think that if you really want to try for something to go for it.

If this were a great life-changing job I would scream GO FOR IT! So why not a chance at once in a life time love?

You are right though, what ever decision you make you need to think of the down side just a tad. So you do need to make sure you can support yourself, and that you can be happy without Europe beneath your feet. Some people get really sad and home sick for a place, even if it isn’t their origin. Simply living in a different place and loving it can make you feel more at home then anywhere else in the world. So if that is the case you may be taking a he risk, which could affect how you feel about your life, with or without the bloke in it.

So be sure to weigh your thoughts and feelings. But If you think that “moving for a guy” is stupid, don’t. You have only chances to take in this life, and sometimes the best and most wonderful things in life come from acting on a chance that seems so foolish.

Good luck girl, and let us know what you decided okay?


Aunt Babz Said,

I had to add my two cents and as well, give my opinion. One side of me used to be old school, where we sit and wait for the man to call or ask us out and so on but I also believe that the world's good is done because of strong women. I agree with Xmichra. Join the ranks and Go For It! I will welcome you to the Secret Society of Assertive Women. Yes, we get what we want, in an assertive manner. We get what we need; honestly, fairly and justly without digging our stiletto into everybody's toes. (But we sure can if provoked, right???)

It stands to reason that this fella is not a mind reader nor can you read his mind, right? So asking him is reasonable but I imagine it is all in the way you go about asking. No, you don't want to seem too forward or presumptuous, nor do you want to make him feel the heat or feel hemmed in.

I happen to believe in the art of words. I believe we should, by all means, say what needs to be said, often times before it is too late. The world will/would be a better place if we said what needs to be said, to the ones we love, care about and are even considering as a life partner. Don't you agree?

Now, in order for you to be able to live by this creed, you must have the ability to put things into perspective. By this, I mean, you must first think before you speak, always. This is important as your words will be valuable if you think first, weigh your thoughts and then speak.

Then, you must be able to play the tape out, in your head from beginning to end, meaning, if you ask a question, just like any good attorney, you'll want to know what you believe the answer will be. As well, you'll want to know, any other form of a possible/plausible answer. What I'm tying to say is rather simple; if you are asking a risky question, one which takes heart, courage to ask, you know the kind where you're going out on a limb, similar to the one you want an answer to with this guy. You care so much about him, obviously and you'll want to have played that tape out with all the possible answers you might get. Yes, it could be a multitude of answers and you must prepare yourself for each and every one, every explanation you may get. This keeps you from setting yourself up for failure, see? It's only going to feel like failure if you get an answer you'd not already anticipated. As well, it might sting if you get an answer you didn't expect or rehearse in your mind ahead of time.

See, in life, if we are brutally honest with ourselves, you know, we see ourselves for who we really are, good and bad and we live within the confines of Personal Accountability, life, all elements thereof change. This means we admit when and where we are wrong and we do our best to make amends, right a that wrong and we do our damnedest to live a righteous life, we become "Untouchable." Now Aunt Babz, what does that mean?

To be Untouchable means that you take the sting out of words meant to harm you. Who or what words can possibly hurt you, if you've already confronted your own shortcomings? You also control the skeletons in your closet. Yes, if you live your life honestly, even past mistakes can't hurt, if brought up. By the way, mistakes are only mistakes, if we've not learned from them. When we have "lived and learned" they are no longer mistakes but learning experiences. There is a huge difference.

When you are Keeping It Real, words I close every post with, we will welcome you into that Secret Society of Assertive Women.

Keeping It Real,

Aunt Babz

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