Test The Waters

Xmichra Answers

This was sent to Aunt Babz via email...

Dear Aunt B,

Hi. My name is Spencer and I’m fourteen years old. I have a bit of a problem. You see, I have a group of three friends (We’ll call them Abby, Ally and Alex). Abby and Alex just started going out. Recently, Abby has been pressuring me to go out with Ally. I don’t know if she’s just saying that because she’s going out with Alex or if her interest in genuine. I admit, I have always been somewhat attracted to Ally, but I’m not sure what I should do. Thanks for your help.

Dear Spencer,

I have two pieces to this advice. So it would depend entirely on which road you are on.

1- you have an attraction to a friend, but just want to be friends. In this case, I would suggest telling Abby that you don’t want to mess things up by getting more involved, and that you like the time the four of you spend together. Who knows, maybe this is just Abby pressuring you and not what Ally wants at all… in which case, I would just go straight to Ally.

2- You are genuinely interested in dating Ally, but you are afraid that since Abby was asking and not Ally that there is a chance at rejection. In this case, I would suggest testing the waters. It’s never easy to get into dating… but you can test to see if Ally’s like of you is genuine. Try saying something jokingly (but not over the wall joking) “you know, Abby and Alex are dating we should give it a go too huh?” or when the four of you are hanging out something like “well since Alex has his partner you can be my partner for the night”. Something that will let you know if she is at all interested before you flat out ask her. And if she responds well to that, I would ask her out.

Just be sure that you like this girl and she likes you. The worst thing in the world is to be pressured into doing something that you are not comfortable with.. and usually the results end up messy and mean.

Good luck Spencer!