This was sent to Aunt Babz via email...
Dear Aunt Babz,
When I was seventeen my life was perfect. I was doing well in school, I had a great boyfriend who I loved completely, and my two best friends (lets call them R & R) were the best anyone could ask for. I loved everything about my life, I was happy with all aspects of it and was excited about my upcoming college years. When I turned 18, after I had graduated, my parents suddenly hated my boyfriend and forced me to break up with him. It was the single most difficult thing I have ever had to do because I loved him so much. Later they told me that their behavior was caused by difficult times in their own marriage but I can't say that I have ever fully forgiven them for what they did.
Anyway, about three years after the break up my ex boyfriend and I reconnected, he was living in a different city but we picked up quite literally from where we left off three years prior. I even went to visit him once. Flash forward two years after that both my best friends ( R & R) stopped talking to me for different, and equally trivial reasons. They were my whole world, I spoke and saw them both everyday, I had put them above my own family because they had never let me down like my own family had. Needless to say I was quite depressed for a while, longer then I can believe, years. So about a year ago my ex tells me that he joined the Navy, something which I can't exactly say I agree with but, who am I to tell him its a dumb move? So he leaves, like everyone.
I am now twenty four and work full time, I take classes at night also. My life seems so meaningless and empty, I have friends, but they are not like the ones I had before. My ex and I are still good friends, but I can't seem to date anyone else seriously. I don't want him back, we have both changed as people and I really like the friendship that we both have now. I just long so much to have a perfect life that I once had. When will things get better? Its been seven years and I can still feel the hollow in my heart. I fill my days up with activity after activity so I don't have time to think, but no matter how busy I make myself it always comes back. I can't really talk to my ex about it because I don't think he will understand. What do you think?
Happiness is a state of mind, ya know? As we grow older, the one thing we will always see is that change is an absolute certainty. Friends change, lovers come and go and even family can and will change and evolve. Change is absolute. You will never recapture, things as they were. So, what can you do with what's left?
Going from young girl to woman, is never easy. Going from having certain friends you can count on, to suddenly not having them, well, it can and could bother the best. But the past is just that; The Past. Let it go.
In some ways, I feel like you're stuck in the past and equate happier times, associate your happiness, with a loss of friends and for the way things were. One thing you will learn is that you can never turn back the hands of time. No, you must learn to move forward. In some ways, I feel you are still in mourning for your, "Youth," and those happier days. You equate your lost friendships and relationship with your ex boyfriend as the center entity of your happiness. You've really got to let that go, understand that things are not the same and never will be. The minute you realize that you might be holding on to old days, the sooner you will begin to heal and find happiness.
Happiness is a state of mind. Remember this.
You have every reason in the world, to feel as you do. But you will remain stuck until you can let go of the past, move forward and make a conscience effort to be happy, right where you are, in your life. I've seen people with doing Life, in prison and somehow, they manage to go on and would be perceived as happy. It is all a state of mind. So, what can you do?
Make that effort, to get out, go places and stop feeling lost because it's not with your old friends or relationships. Once you've let go of what you can not change and realize that things never remain the same, you'll move forward. Friends come and they go, as well, so do lovers. People evolve and you grow apart and this cycle will continue. What I mean is that the friends you make tomorrow, may not be there in even a year. It's the nature of life, as it is even with relationships. You could be so much in love today but then suddenly, realize that that guy is nothing but a jerk, you have nothing or little in common and you must move on.
Expect change, embrace diversity and keep moving. It's not easy but you must make an attempt to bloom where you're planted. Tomorrow, you may be uprooted but having that knowledge and making an attempt at happiness, is all and everything, that life is about.
I think the hardest thing to swallow, is the actuality, that we are, in and of itself; Alone. Only you can make you happy. If you never count on others to bring forth happiness, you can not be disappointed. No, you must be happy within yourself and once you figure this out, you will bloom.
Get up tomorrow, realize it's a new day, a new you, cultivate yourself and begin to bloom.
I agree with Babs, you have to seize your life for what it can be, not what it was.
Life throws a lot of curve balls at us, and we need to be able to be happy with who we are in order to keep our lives moving. We need to gather our strength and our soul in times like this... and realize that our lives are worth so much to so many... even if it isn't obvious at the time.
You sound like a bright young woman who has a lot in front of her. Keep going, and keep strong. Your good days are all ahead of you.