Saturday, September 22, 2007

Takes Two To Tango

Xmichra Answers

This was sent to Aunt Babz via email...

Dear Aunt Babz,

I have a friend...

Who’s pregnant and going thru a lot of problems financially and emotionally. She’s pregnant from her ex husband who she was in the process of divorcing.
She says she still loves him, but really not sure if she’s with him because she loves him or because there is a baby involved.

I feel bad for her. I want to help her with some good advice. I saw her crying today because she says her ex nickel and dimes and it couldn’t be at a worse time. She’s struggling financially and has to answer to him and he never bothers to ask how she’s doing financially.

What should I tell her????

Dear Sonia,

The best thing that you can do for your friend is to just be supportive. Right now she has a lot on her plate with being pregnant and trying to make a relationship work. Never mind the added stress of financing.

Right now, if you were to try and talk her out of being with this guy, I think that you would be the one kicked to the curb, not him. She is likely trying to do what she feels is best for her family, even if she doesn’t think it will work out… she has to try. And this is her lesson to learn unfortunately.

All you can do is ask about her health, keep reassuring her that she is doing the best that she can, and hope that she ends up well (either in this relationship or out of it).

Ultimately she is the one who has to decide what she is going to do… and if you interfere you might end up on her bad side. However, don’t be too afraid to ask normal friend questions either (like how they are doing, if she feels it’s working out, etc) because these conversations will help her speak her mind… and possibly to change it too.

All of us make mistakes, and sometimes things work out for the best. So just keep supporting your friend, and let her know how amazing you think she is.

Aunt Babz Said...

I agree with Xmichra, you must be careful, as she's got mixed emotions and you don't really want to be more than supportive. What I mean is if you hand her, your opinion, she may throw it at you. I'm not saying that this is what she will do, but it is possible. If the subject is brought up, I would tell her she needs to be more assertive and state her needs. It's within her right to ask him for help, as he is the Father. Of course, the law states otherwise, until they can conduct DNA testing, then he most certainly will be held accountable. But morally, he knows she needs help, he knows the child is his. She must make a stand and state her needs. It takes two to Tango and last I knew, it took a man and a woman, in sexual union, to impregnate a woman. She needs to take away that sense of guilt she's wearing and realize, that he was there for the making part of this baby and he needs to be there for the financial part. Throw away the guilt and you have the cold hard facts, as I said before; It takes two to Tango.

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