Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Stay True to Yourself

Xmichra Answers

This was sent to Aunt Babz via email...

This is an additional response to this post.

HI there,
Thank you for your reply. I am not married to the man I am with. We've been together for 4 years now. He really loves me alot but I told him over and over that I do not want to be with him, he ignores the fact and keep on making plans and dreams about us. I live with him with my 4 kids. I started my own business a year ago with his help. I gave him the money that he helped me with back tripple the amount. The other day we had an argument and he told me that I put him in financial difficulties. My business is'nt doing that well yet, but when I make money, I put every sent into our home. He told me he wants money in his account too. I told him I dont go to his employer and say that I want money in my account. This business is my job. I started this business as I could not find a job that pays enough to provide for my kids. My ex pays me R500 per child for the last 4 years. My ex borrows money from me all the time, he never has the money to pay me back and therefore I write off the debt every month. I operate my business from home, I do not have the funds to move out yet, but are planning to do so when I am financially stable.
I wrote to my ex numerous occasions and begged him for us to try again. He completely ignores my letters. When I drop the kids off to visit him, he does not even mention my letters. He only contacts me when he needs money or want to see the kids. When I do see him he acts asif he still cares about me. When I need help in difficult situations he is there for me, but emotionally I dont know how he feels, he never wants to talk about things.
Please advice me what to do.

Dear Friend,

Honestly I think that you have done all that you can do with regard to the ex. Seems to me that you have spilled out your soul to both the men involved in your life, and that if you continue down the road that you are on you will truly not be happy.

The way I see this, is that the man you loved wasn’t a provider. You left the security of love for the security of a pay check. Now that in itself will burn a man like nothing else. Leaving a man because he couldn’t provide is hard on the esteem. And he likely doesn’t want anything to do with you, because of the chance of that happening again. A person can only handle so much. So he does what he can, and he is still borrowing money from you, which in itself must be degrading to him. Borrowing money from the woman who left him. I do not see him returning to you.

And then there is the man you are currently with. You are not in love with him because you are in love with your ex. But the truth is, you were the one who left and you have made your bed. So why punish this man with an unloving partner? Seems rather selfish, and you both deserve so much more then that.

I know that you will not take this advice, because it is pretty unsympathetic (and for that I do apologize) but you should get out on your own and start new. Leave these two men to begin their lives with people who accept them wholly. And you should do the same, stay true to yourself, and let this be a hard lesson to learn.

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