This was sent to Aunt Babz via email...
Dear Aunt Babz,
I really dont ever know were to start. I am a mother of 1 that has realized that I can not connect with men. For years I have wanted the touch of a woman. I love all the things about a woman. I grew up in a christian home were lesbianism is wrong.I was talking with a friend and I told her how I felt and she said that I was a lesbian. I cant get sexual pleasure from a man at all I have a hard time giveing myself to a man. I even lost interest in my childs father.We have been broken up for a year.I find my self getting overly excited while looking at a woman.What excites me the most is the form and the beauty of a woman. Is there something wrong with me I feel as though I am loseing my mind trying to figure out what to do. I cant seem to get women off my mind I have no interest in men only woman.
Dear Please Help,
Let me start with one simple answer: there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.
There are plenty of women and men who feel the same as you. And there are plenty of normal reactions that you feel. In fact, I know of several women who feel excited or love the female frame. And it is something that you can either choose to ignore and possibly avoid happiness, or you can embrace that feeling and let it take you to something that you never knew was possible.
There is the possibility that you are bi-sexual, or that you need to get this urge to be with a woman filled. I will relate to my own experience here, but it doesn’t mean that this is where you are. See, before I met my husband I had sex with a woman. It wasn’t because I was gay (though I see no problem with that) I just wanted to know what it would feel like to lay with this woman I met. And I can recall that evening with more clarity then any boyfriend before her, and with very good reason. It was so intricate and so… romantic. That it will stay with me forever.
Of course since this encounter I have met my best friend and lover, and he is amazing… and I couldn’t possibly think of straying or choosing a woman over him. And that is the point that I am getting too. I know that for women (mostly) sex is not always thought of as a connection of body, but a connection of minds. And it can be something very special when the soul is involved. And I do know of one particular female friend of mine who has been married and happily so, to a man for ten years now.. but regrets not “experimenting” when she was younger. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, it’s something to seriously think about in respect to future relationships.
Lets take something really silly here as an example. Say that you had never tried chocolate before. You diligently ate your meals with all the food groups, and were very satisfied.. and knew that it was good for you and your body. But you just know that others have eaten chocolate.. and you love the smell, the many varieties, the look of the displays and fountains. Would you completely deny that you wanted a taste? Or would you dip in to see if you did enjoy it? Of course, you may still love your meals a little more then the chocolate, or you might become a chocolate lover. But either way, you are not pining over what you ‘could have’ had/done.
You see what I am getting at here?
Now as for the family issues, I know that lesbianism (or being gay in general) is offensive to a lot of religious people. But, if they don’t let their religion dictate HOW they love a person then you might be making more out of this then you can imagine. Sure, there is the possibility that they will not talk to you… but this is your happiness that we are talking about. So make your choices, and then write your parents a letter explaining how alone you feel. Explain that this choice has nothing to do with disregarding what they have taught you. That they have taught you to be loving and in search of happiness, and that you feel happy with this choice, and wish they could feel the same.
I would write a letter to them after you had spoken to them though, for one reason: they might not react the way you think they will. Some people who are very religious actually don’t care if people are gay. Seriously. They just want their loved ones to be happy, and still remain connected with God. Now, you might not know where your parents are in this mind set, but if you go into a conversation assuming the worst you can offend and upset. So go into it knowing that you have a back up plan (the letter) if things don’t go well.. but that you are giving them the benefit of thinking your choices are fine.
Let us know how things pan out, and don’t be afraid to make this choice. You don’t ever want to regret not following your heart.