This was sent to Aunt Babz via email...
Hi Aunt B,
I am 23 and recently out and had been visiting a couple of the gay bars, here in my little town. I really fell for this guy, we'll call Bobby. He's so sweet and so cute, sexy too. My problem is that, as I said, I have really fallen head over high heels for this guy. We've been out a few times and yes, we had sex over and over and it was really great. I felt something for him. It pains me to say this but he's really flirtatious and whatever else, with other guys. It's driving me insane. No he hasn't committed to me and I have no right over him but it really bothers me, no it really hurts me, when I see him with someone else. I think he's gone home with this other guy. I was actually angry about it. Then I was just hurt. It seems he can be with me one night and then with someone else the next. I'm not like that. Yes, I wanted the sex, as much as he did. No he never said he wanted to see only me and I didn't say that either. I'm kind of scared to tell him really how I feel, yet it makes me a raving bitch when I see him talking to other men. Aunt B, what can I do?
I can relate and have been in your shoes before. Not a comfortable fit, huh? So, we gotta stretch them out and make it work. Pay Less has a sale...
You seem to have some semblance of reality, concerning what or how you should feel. You're right; No, you have no right to feel this way but yet you do. Maybe the only thing you can do, is chance telling him just exactly how you feel. What do you really have to lose, other than, that chance he won't feel the same way?
A lot of times, young guys, newly out, want to play the field, sew their oats and see and do it all. I know I was like that. The prospect of settling down, right after I came out, were next to none. But one side of me, longed for a loving relationship, while the other was like a kid in a candy store, every Friday and Saturday Nite. I'd go to the Clubs, have such a good time, dance-n-date the night away and not think of a real relationship. My favorite place to go, was a club in D.C. called Traxx. It all went down there and who could possibly want to be tied down to one person, when all that's going on? Bobby may still be the kid in the candy store, you see?
It happens, more than not, you do and will grow weary, as we all do, of going home alone, or maybe even being with someone, only to have them not call. Even the hardest and most seasoned Veterans of this scenario, grow tired, I think.
I also think your friend, Bobby, may not be there yet and you have to understand. It doesn't hurt to tell him, that you care, beyond just a fling. You may get your feelings hurt, when and if he says he doesn't feel the same way. But if you prepare for it and the fact that he's not on the same page, as yourself, well, maybe it won't sting, quite as bad. You then, must not take it personal. I know that's easier said, than done but it's reality.
Chalk it up to a life lesson, move on and I guarantee, Mr. Right will eventually come your way. As I said before, eventually, we all get tired of the game. Mr. Right will have grown tired of that game too and just want to enjoy your company. You'll see.
Be Safe, Act Safe, Love Safe.
Aunt Babz Said...
I agree with Soulseer. I hope you can move on, if this fella, doesn't want or understand having a relationship. The right guy will come along and as Soulseer said, you just wait and see!