Thursday, September 13, 2007

Nixing The Negativity

Xmichra Answers

This was sent to Aunt Babz via email...

Dear Aunt Babz,

I'm sorry to bother you yet again. i have issues. :( and im only 18 man thaz
crazy but anywayz, im so negative its become a problem. i dont believe in
relationships or marriage and i doubt everything but my intelligence and
ability to be successful careerwise. i just want to be happy whether im
single or not. i want to count on me and god for happiness. i know i'll have
problems and rainy days but i can deal with them. i just want to be content
with everything in my life and everyone in my life too. help.

Dear Negatively Drawn,

When you are eighteen and trying to pave your way in the world, the feelings that you are having are very normal. It is difficult to ‘get it together’ when you don’t know what your real drive, your purpose is. And it is even more difficult to make your way when you have notions of what you do and don’t believe in right off the get go. Let me explain.

See, I have said this before, but I was just like you in this regard. I had thought marriage was an archaic and unnecessary burden, which was passed down through centuries of tradition. It wasn’t until I was older, and ready to commit myself to another person did my mind ever waver on this subject.

One of the words that I hear often (and from myself as well) is “Belief”. You don’t believe in relationships, however relationships are prevalent. Examples are those of friends, parents, siblings.. they don’t just stay together out of sheer luck. Multiple families have torn apart because of the unwillingness, or inability to communicate and share common goals. Likewise, partnerships also dissolve because of all sorts of reasons. But it is still a relationship that is broken. So when you say you don’t believe in relationships.. I am going to assume that you don’t think having one right now is in your best interest.. or just interesting to you period.

Going with that thought, I would like to give you a piece of advice that will be a jagged little pill to swallow. Don’t be so ready to make your mind up on what you believe and do not believe in at this point. You have so much time to figure out what is right for you, and if you release that mind set I can guarantee that you will be more alleviated. It is the ability of the human mind to make choices which makes life so enjoyable, and when you take the choice away.. you are left with conviction and judgment. Not to say that having those traits are undesirable, in fact it is often what builds our character and makes us part of this society on earth. But predetermining your whole life with a statement is not in itself very reflective or effective to living. We have the opportunity of our entire life span to change our minds, grow as people, and do what is good for each other and ourselves. That is the magic of life, I kid you not.

Being content with your life is only in the power of you. What are you doing to make yourself content? Hanging around with people you do not feel comfortable with will not do it. Staying in a dead end job that you hate will not do it. Staying in a relationship with a person who doesn’t get you will not do it. So what to do then? Change. It is one of the simplest words, and I think the hardest to embrace. Changing yourself into a better you is something that multiple ads for weight loss, depression medications, and stylists have cashed in on for decades. But the actual phrase shouldn’t be washed away with the product. The choice to change things up is ours, and we should always remember that choice is what we have to make our lives better and to get to that place where we are content.

Another piece of advice I would give, is (and seriously bear with me on this one) think happy thoughts. Sounds like Peter Pan is about to erupt out of this page, pixie dust in tow. But seriously, if you are always doubting the motives of others and doubting the credibility of things, you will make yourself miserable. Don’t get me wrong, be smart and don’t be taken for a ride when you know better. But if a guy at work suddenly asks you for coffee, don’t just immediately think he is just after your body/money/what have you. At least give him the chance to prove he is not a dumb ass. I assure you, there are some out there that aren’t.

And if you are wanting for more happiness within yourself, then I strongly suggest not being negative towards yourself. All of us have this self sabotage button that we just love to press. And it is really a shame, because if you could see yourself through another’s eyes I think that you would be pleasantly surprised at the outcome. We are not worthless, we are not idiots, we are not wasting our time… as long as you are committed to living. Not just wandering through life without feeling. LIVING. You don’t need any other purpose then that. And it is the most fun and rewarding thing to do, to live and enjoy your life. And more often then not, those who embrace that method have what others covet for themselves. Not material possessions, anyone can get those with hard work. But the happiness that you exude due to truly being happy and satisfied that this life that you are living is one with your 100% dedication. If you can make it happen, it will. Trust me.

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