Wednesday, September 5, 2007

How To Deal With the "The What If's"

Xmichra Answers

This was sent to Aunt Babz via email...

I've known this guy for two years. long story short, he's always been a
sweetheart but i never started to feel for him until that day we kissed. now
I can't get him out of my mind and that bothers me because I think I wanna
be with him but relationships scare me and Im not the type of girl who wants
to get married because Im afraid of making the same mistakes i made in the
past and plus it seems that every guy cheats now so theres no trust. I like
him alot but he might be one of "them". I dont want to push him out of my
life but I dont want to get to close either. how do I keep myself from
getting to close to him or any other guy?

Dear Friend,

Hmm. Well, it sounds to me like you are doing just fine not getting close to guys. Just keep on doing what you are doing and you will 100% never be close. But that alas, is what I think you might need to change to be happy.

See, I understand where you are coming from in regards to men. But the thing about living, is that you need to truly live… and by pushing people out you will not gain the full experience this life has to offer. I am dead serious here. I can hear the tone of this letter and I think that you are scared. And probably rightly so. There are a lot of untrustworthy, scummy assholes out there. The trick is to not become prey to them and not to become one of them.

You my dear, are someone who has made a few mistakes and has been burned as well. And with that comes a whole lot of doubt. I know this, because of tried and true experience. It’s hard to tell a woman (or man for that matter) that she will find truth and love and respect from a man when they had been burnt… like having their best friend sleep with their boyfriend of five years. Ya, I know all about the burn, and about the staying far far away from anything that seemed like it was relationship like.

But the reality was, I met a man later who I was great friends with. He was as good as gold, a real sweetheart and we had that fateful first kiss. I was never a girl who wanted to be married, have children, and buy a house. And yet that is all I could think would make my world once I kissed him… a whole life. It was a feeling I had, and thankfully ten years later I still do. It’s been a bumpy ride at times, don’t get me wrong.. but he is not one of “them”, and I get the feeling that maybe this guy you are developing feelings for isn’t either.
Cut the guy a little slack, and let him prove himself before you cut him out. I think you owe yourself the chance to be really happy, and the opportunity to change your mind.

Aunt Babz said...

You can't live in the "What If's." Let the guy know how you feel, from the git go, as to fooling around. You don't have to tell him, what you might do, but let him know, he needs only to be honest, if he's not happy, before he does something, he'll regret. There's a lot or little implication, huh?

1 comment:

Crazy Mama said...

If I might venture into this one... it's a tough line to walk between wanting "happy" and living "fear". Fear is a tough task master, and unless you plant your feet and defy that fear, it will rule your life, even when you think you're avoiding it. I have found that when I am most afraid, whether of making a commitment or some other sort of change, that is when it is absolutely *vital* for me stare myself down and do it anyway. If I were in a situation like this (and I have been), I'd be very direct and explain my fears and self-impressions, as in "I'm not the type to get married" and "I'm afraid that all guys are cheats". Getting hurt, well... hurts. But aren't you hurting by keeping yourself at a distance?