Friday, September 7, 2007

Seize the Day

This was sent to Aunt Babz via email...

Dear Aunt Babz
I was wondering about your views on the Law of Attraction and here is why...
2 years ago i dated a younger man who, to this day i still adore.Our relationship took place in Germany and we broke it off because he could not get over the age gap difference and he got a job offer in London.
BUT, the idea of going back to London absolutely thrilled me (i studied here at a very famous college 6 years ago) and i wanted to give it a go.i did not want to be left behind in a city (m√ľnich) where i did not have enough work and had hit a cul-de-sac!So here i am, in London again!
I must add that i was honest enough with myself to know that if i never see this boy again, at least i have got my spark and drive back.I am back in my 'territory.'I have more job opportunities than i could wish for and i am back with my creative friends which does something very good to my soul!I am that confident,vibrant person i know myself to be.My life has taken a 180 degree change.
SO...Here it is...the Law of Attraction introduced me to this gorgeous boy ,who got me questioning where i am going with my life which in turn got me back to London where i am so determined to give it my best.
But..I got hold of him on my 40th birthday
In my mind, and in the time we had not seen each other (3 months), i thought he was having a very glamorous life here in London,(he works in the financial area) but he was not,he wanted to go back to Germany because he felt nothing was working for him here.
Before leaving he stayed with me for a couple of days.While he was staying with me he saw another side of London which he really likes (alternative,creative area) and managed to get a job interview which seems very promising.Now, he is talking about finding a flat around my area if he gets that job.
My question is...all these things seem like miracles to me..proof of the Law of Attraction(because i so desire,love and want him).BUT...last night it dawned on me that it would be convenient for him to live near me (there is still so much attraction between us) and we are still freinds and he gets to meet my freinds, but he no doubt still cannot get over the age difference!
I am terrified of falling back into my old insecurities if he moves back to London.He has left his luggage with me while he is back in Germany for another job interview and i am begining to feel like i am being way too nice again.This is not what i wanted to be... i wanted to be strong enough to resist him and let him go.I want to be that tough ,smart woman and let him come and find me.It's my fault! i initiated the contact! I believed the Law of Attraction was making him come back to me but actually he is just sweet lovely guy who does not want to feel so alone in London. This is ,however no guarantee that he wants to be with me!
What do you feel Aunt Babs?
J

Dear J,

There are no guarantees in life, huh? Darn shame cause it makes it so hard to go out on a limb, let your hair down, reveal yourself and hope for the best. That does sum it up though, doesn't it?

I know that feeling, of dating a younger man. It put spring in my step, maybe even a little more swing in my porch. I too wondered and worried but he only validated my every wrong sensation or feeling. Meaning, I would say something about our age difference and he would tell me, to forget about it, the heart is what speaks not the number.

At the same time, I can certainly understand your trepidation and caution. It may be a good thing to keep your guard up. Law of Attraction or not, he may have told himself, that it is wrong and has done what he could to walk away. You don't want to leave yourself, wide open, for any hurt. So, I would do just that; Be cautious.

If it's to be, it's to be. You must also be painfully aware that you do not misconstrue a friendship. Going into any form of friendship or relationship, I think you know, you might get burned.

I imagine, you don't have much choice, in the matter. You will have to allow it to evolve, if it is to become fruitful. I can also imagine, you'll have to ask yourself, if per say, he makes it very evident, that he only wants your friendship, can you walk away, without feeling burned?

You didn't say, that anything went on, past a friendly visit, when he came for the couple days? But I would look at that time, those moments very carefully. If he did not hint or make a move but only took in the friendship, then that may be, all it is, right? Of course, my curiosity is peeked, right now, wondering?

I am 48 and of course, my life and my situation is different. But I can sure understand and remember all those feelings. One side of you, knows you are getting older but the mind says you're 30. The other asks, are you still desirable? It's actually hard to come to grips with this older woman thing. I don't care for it one damn bit because I still think like a vibrant and sexy, sultry and provocative female. But my body does betray me. Things are not where they where assigned and so on. I've had to come to grips with the fact that when I walk past a construction site, I don't get all the cat calling I loathed, so many years ago. I actually missed it, now how messed up is that? It's hell to get old. But it is all a state of mind.

Carpe Diem

You only get one go around, Girlfriend...make the best of it. Live on the edge but you must be brutally honest with yourself. I dare say, he's not the only one, that seeks the embrace of an older woman. Make them aware and they will come. Be that woman, with the spring in her step and that air of maturity. Empowerment is also a state of mind. If you feel desirable, you will be. Be cautious, if you are worried you'll get hurt but I say...Seize the Day!

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