Thursday, February 14, 2008

It's An Awkward Age

Dear Aunt Babz,

i'm 12 yrs old and kinda gay (i think) i'm female and every now and then i'll go on the internet and type in something like penis, tits, sex or something like that but i cant help it!!!!!!! when something comes up or catches my eye i'll go on it... jst now i've been looking at stuff when i thought i had to stop it! pleeeeeze!! i'm desperate and in need of advice!!! please answer me! it's not my faault i make out with soft toys!!!!! please i'm crying so much lately because i feel guilty about this!!!


Dear Anonymous,

I can understand the guilt that is accompanying your actions, but don’t feel too badly. What you are doing is natural, and awkward, and definitely not gay.

You are twelve, and going into being a young adult has multitudes of questions. And most of them biologically is about the sexes. What do people look like, what does a penis look like, what does a vagina look like, what does sex look like. It’s all a natural part of growing up.

I would caution you to take it easy though. Sex and exploration doesn’t have to happen at such a young age. Take your childhood for a little longer, you will wish that you had later in life. And talk to your parents or to an adult that you trust. Talking about all the changes your body will be making and all the anxiety you feel over these new emotions can help you to work through them and not make it a shameful experience.

Don’t worry, you are normal. You’re just growing up.

Take care


Dear Anonymous,

I must agree with Xmichra, what you are doing and experiencing is quite normal. It's rather natural to want to know what things look like, as well in a comparative nature, you may feel drawn to looking at women. That does not mean you are gay. Nor does it mean you are gay because you prefer to look at women, ok?

For some young girls, soon to be women, it's an experimental time. You find yourself looking at things in the mirror and then possibly going online to see who, what, where things are. Is yours, similar or the same? Does it look normal? As I write this, I remember my own feelings and observations;

No two vagina's are alike, for starters. As well, there's no wrong or right look. What I mean is this; You have some that are thick and full. Some are high-n-tight. Some are pink, some are darker. You'll find every one is different. And it's ever changing. In example, it might be pink now but when you have children and mature, it may turn darker. There's no wrong or right, you see?

Consensus says, men have an opinion that ranges from liking a certain look to not caring at all, it's all favorable. But it stands to reason, a guy will be attracted to a certain type of girl just as you have an opinion as to the type of guy that you are attracted to.

While we're on the subject of attraction, let me make it clear to you that just because you find women more attractive does not mean a thing. At this age, it may feel safer. I can imagine a Penis may seem scary, big and menacing. It may very well be a turn off to you and you find yourself, in your search, looking more at women. While aesthetic beauty is something I still find an appreciation for, it does not mean you are gay. As well, looking at women may seem/feel safer?

Yes, you are too young to ever think that you will turn out/be gay. Give it some time. You may change your mind. Experimentation, you know the actual act of homosexuality, is also not outside the norm. You can not draw conclusions from that, as well. We all play, "Doctor," and may even go on to something a little more serious, a trumped up version of playing Doctor. It is when it persists and you find that you are not in any way, shape or form attracted to the opposite sex, that is a definition of actually being Gay. And then it becomes you and your pursuit of happiness entails it and finding someone who shares your feelings, hopes, dreams in a gay relationship.

Of course, most of us explore, as young people with the same sex and it is natural. Some grow out of it, some never do as the way they are hardwired dictates an attraction to the same sex. As well, some grow to enjoy both sexes and are Bi-sexual.

I encourage you to not jump to conclusions, especially at this young, impressionable and tender age. As well, while I think looking at pictures of a sexual nature is rather natural, I do discourage you from looking at Pornography. At 12 years old, it may taint your perception of what or how things should be. Porn does not show what a healthy sexual relationship is between a man and a woman. It can be degrading, especially for women. It does not depict the natural course of action between a man and a woman in a loving relationship.

I encourage you to wait for sexual relations. Sex is over rated. Love making is never wrong between two healthy adults, hopefully in a monogamous relationship. Notice that word, "Adults." I lost my virginity at 12. I thought I was a woman. I was not nor did I know as much as I thought I did. Live and learn. But I do hope you'll learn from our mistakes. I hope you will heed the warnings that you might hear, of the tales of those who became pregnant at a young age and how it changed the very course of their lives. It happened to me and I can remember thinking, "Oh, that'll never happen to me!" But why wouldn't it? I mean since the dawn of time, it's the nature of man and woman.

You have sexual relations/intercourse just once and you become pregnant. That's all it takes, it's so simple, yet we scoff of the idea that it will happen to us...till it does. Then, it may be too late. All your aspirations go right out the window. Most guys at a young age, don't get it either. Then their girlfriend gets pregnant and their lives are changed as well. Quite often though, the girl gets left behind to raise a child they did not plan for and the guy goes on the list of Child Support Dead Beat Dad's. He is forever resentful because YOU got pregnant and now he has to pay. They attach his wages and take the money. Even if he does stick around, he often thinks he's still single and wants to run wild with the fella's and carry on. All the while, you are at home stuck with a crying baby. You've done everything to try to make the baby stop crying but it's 2am and he just wants to cry. Or maybe he has an earache, it hurts and you can't tell why he won't stop crying. You are exhausted but you can't sleep when your child is crying. Daddy's still out with the boys playing X-Box and it's all on you, every day. There is no turning back, kiss your life, as you knew it good-bye. Selah

We won't even go into the diseases you'll get from that guy that doesn't look sick. Or the fact that he's slept around and every girl he's slept with, you now sleep with because if he got a disease three girls ago, he's going to give it to you. But he looked good, huh? Little did you know, he was infected with AIDS?HIV. See, until you are actually ding from the effects of HIV, with todays meds, a person doesn't look sick. Then in their last days, they become thin and sickly looking, maybe you can even see Karposi's Sarcoma? But "he didn't look sick," is all you're left saying.

When I write these posts, I often write from experience and I write hoping others will read it. I also often tell it like it is and reveal painful things in the hopes that you or someone else won't have to endure what I did. People and things can be deceptive. Think before you do, that's all. Don't be like me, a woman who grew up too quickly with child at 16 years old. Don't be stupid like I was. I shared a needle because of my addiction to Heroin. Yes, I tried it and the very first time, I thought it spoke to my soul, cured all my ailments. Little did I know it would be my own demise. Yes, I shared a needle with someone who looked healthy. I didn't heed the warnings, neither did my first or second husband. I have Hep C because of this. My first husband has already died from Hep C, a painful and terrible thing to watch. Especially, knowing you have the same disease and may die just like that, painfully slow.

I guess I'm telling you...don't grow up too fast. There's no joy in adulthood that is rushed.

More Reading...

Getting Unstuck

Words To Live By

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