Sunday, February 17, 2008

Ones Own Trap???

Well Gang, Aunt Babz is moving. Not the website just the Self. I will be away and there may be some delay.

¸.·´¸.·*´¨) ¸.·*¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·' ¤~ {"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said it'd be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.}¤~ ♥

Dear Aunt B,
(this might be long) My friend and I have been best friends since the first grade and are now in our senior year of high school. We have been through A LOT of fights but they were mostly small fights that we get over in a day. We are so close that we act like sisters and it feels that way sometimes, but other times i can't stand her. She can be a rude, self-centered, spoiled bitch. First however, i have to tell you, we both haven't been good friends to each other. She went out with a guy that i had a huge thing for. Then, last year i made out with the guy that she really liked behind her back. She never knew and they started going out, then it happened again. So basically he cheated on her with me, but all we did was kiss, which is still bad. Anyway, this was all a big secret until this past summer when i spilled the beans out of guilt. She was obviously extremely upset but she managed to forgive the both of us somehow. Her forgiving me really made me love her more, but now I find myself hating her. She has actually always pretty much been like this, and im pretty much the only one who would put up with her, but now i dont know if i want to anymore. I feel so dumb sayin this about her when im the one who betrayed her, but i cant help it. One of the things that bothers me so much is that ALL she talks about is her boyfriend! The one that cheated on her with me! I dont want to hear about her dumb ass boyfriend! He's an idiot! I even tell her that she talks about him all the time and she still does it. I could probably go on and on about all the little things she does that bug me but ill just sum it up now and ask what do i do? I really hate drama so I don't really want to say ' i do not wish to be your friend any longer' and have this huge fight and avoid each other at school. But at the same time, i feel so trapped in our friendship. What do you think?

Dear Anonymous,

I think it sounds like you two were really close. But it also sounds like this last act has pulled you two apart.

Even the very best of friends get into fights or think poorly of one another for short periods of time. And that is because ultimately we are all different people, and we all feel differently about things. Take for instance you called her a rude self centered bitch at times. And that may very well be the truth: to you. Maybe she feels like she is joking around when you feel she is being rude. Maybe she feels like if you won’t ask a guy out, that’s your problem, which yes is a little self centered and bitch like. But it’s also going for what you want in life, which isn’t all that bad either (unless it is to be purposefully vindictive, then that’s horrid. But that’s a different point).

But this last act here. Where you have done something that she has had to either forgive or forget… well I don’t think that she has and neither have you.

She wants to make it clear to you how in love her and her boy are, and how well they are doing despite his big huge horrible mistake with you. And that is how she will go on about that. She is marking her territory because she is afraid of the predator, which in this case is you.

You can’t stand this because in the back of your head you think that you could steal this guy. Admit it. You think that the best reality check in the world for your girlfriend here would be to see this guy for what he really is, and to put her in place. This is what is pissing you off. That is quite apparent from what you have written. And if you think at all that this guy is an idiot and a jerk, and you do feel like your friend is better off without him, it might be more tempting to do something about it.

So no wonder you feel trapped. Of course it is a trap you have made for yourself, but it doesn’t mean that you have to live in it.

Distance yourself a little bit from her. Do something to which you know she wouldn’t have the time for (like a Friday night aerobics class for example. She won’t want to give up her date night). Then about two weeks of that, grab another class after school (say you want to stick to the program and the instructor had a spot open on Tuesdays for an example) Just gradually keep getting involved with things that do not require her to be present. And she will fill her time with this boy I am sure. And either they will break up and you two will be fine, or they will stay together and it won’t matter because you have other things to do and have preoccupied your time.

If a fight roles out from it, it will look juvenile on her part to have bitched you out because all you are doing is living your life – you never put a wedge between the two of you.

Basically what has happened is the consequence of actions. And now you need to do what you can to live your life, and learn from this. Keeping secrets and betraying friends is far more costly to you and your life the being honest and staying true. So learn that lesson, but move on. You still deserve the best life you can give yourself.

Take care, and good luck.


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