Thursday, February 08, 2007
This was sent to Aunt B via email...
Hi Aunt B... this is the first time I've ever asked for advice from anyone
and you seem like a nice person to ask, so here goes
My name is ***** and I'm 15, and there is a girl that goes to my school who
a lot of my friends are friends with (if that makes sense). We went out for
about a week, but she dumped me for some1 else, some1 she had known longer
and went out with him. She explained to me why and I have no hard feelings
against (sorry i cant spell) him. That relationship lasted about a month. Now
its about 1 and a half months later and shes been alienating people. Shes
angry at her best friend and thinks that everyone thinks shes bitchy and
apathetic, and thinks no one cares. She told me a few days ago that I'm one of
the only people she can talk to anymore. I really care about her and want
her to know that I care without seeming to try to win her back. Her sister
moved away not long ago and i know that no1 can comfort her like she does,
but i want her to know that she is cared about and that she still has
friends that will be their for her.
Aunt B said...
Dear Misunderstood Existence,
You already earned my respect and props, for being a stand-up guy. I just wanted you to know that.
I am almost as old as God but I sure can remember what young love, gone awry, can be and feel like. I take it, that you like this girl but don't want to seem like you are hitting on her or have D.L. intentions, right? You've already proven, at least to me, that your intentions are more than honorable. You would be a liar, if you told yourself that you didn't have a wish, that this chick would view you in a different light, right? Well, there's not a thing wrong with having honest emotions, my friend. Own them , keep them in check and listen to me.
Every true and long lasting relationship, starts with friendship. Most long term couples, found that they stayed the distance because they were with their best friend. When a couple digs in, for the long haul, it is usually with someone of similar interests. It must be someone you enjoy talking to. It must be someone you enjoy pleasing, remember this, all the days of your life, ya hear me? Repeat it in your head. It has to be someone that you respect, as a person. If you respect that person, you will trust them, their emotions, trust them to hold your love for them above all things.
Now, I know you have not mentioned love. A good example of young love is this; Have you been in love yet? I'll bet you have, she has, I have, we all have. First, there are so many types and kinds of love and even more definitions. As you grow older, how you look at and embrace love, changes and evolves. Young love is a proving ground. My point was or is, have you fallen head over heels in love, they took your breathe away, when you saw them, you thought you couldn't live without them and they became your whole world? If you've not yet, felt this, you will. You have all this emotion wrapped up, in this one person and they let you down or hurt you, did some kinda dirt and you broke up. You walked away thinking, "Just what in the h*ll did I see in this person, they are so nasty?" They may be literally ugly to you because...love is dumb, blind, crippled and crazy...just the way it should be. Looks should never matter but love does tend to help you overlook a persons shortcomings, thank goodness. True love, does not search for fault, remember that!
I tell you all this, not to down play your feelings and emotions or your girls. I tell you, so you can see that love is a tricky bugger. But the true stuff, the right stuff, the kind dreams are made of, come from true to life friendship, first and foremost.
I'm telling you to be her friend. Be that person she knows she can count on and talk to. Tell her that you'll be there for her, as her friend and state that you're not trying to hit on her. Make it clear that there are no strings attached to your friendship, it's free and real.
You must prepare yourself. She may take your offer and run with it, only to begin dating or seeing someone else. You may always be nothing but a friend. It may even be painful to stand on the sidelines, cheering on, a chick, you have feelings for. But at the same time, through your friendship, no strings attached, you may get to know her and find that you really have nothing in common but friendship. This is why, years ago, people dated, a long time, before they became serious and took their relationship to the next level, get my drift? That next level can complicate things, tremendously. You've got to be strong in the best friend department before you can with stand, marriage, sex, children, finances and all the other crap that real couples must weather. Comprenda?
The Domino Effect
Your friendship is gonna be the most important part, the integral piece to your relationship whether it is with this girl or any girl, ever. By being her friend first, she may become close to you. Most chicks marry a guy they felt safe with, emotionally, unless she's a gold digger. You let her be safe with you. You listen to her and her feelings, I mean, really listen.
If it's meant to be, she's gonna see that you are really a good guy. She may eventually see that you listen to her. This is one of the first mistakes, a guy makes, cause he didn't listen. Most chicks love to talk about themselves. So, if you try to get to know her and are inquisitive, she'll see a natural interest but she'll feel safe, to open up and give you more of herself, more than she gives others. Be that friend, who she can count on, who listens. If it is meant to be, it'll all fall in to perfect order, just like a Domino Effect.
Let me know, down the line, how things go and feel free to contact me anytime, lovie.