R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

This was sent to Aunt B via email...

Dear Aunt B-

I found your website and like your style. I am not a spring chicken 48 but I still have some pep in my step. Problems Problems!

I have done the drug thing myself and I'm not too proud of that part of my life. I haven't touched any thing in many many years. Over 20.

Let me cut to the chase. This is about a man - I know you must be floored by that but - yeah it's true. ................I have not let anyone live with me in over ten years until this man.

We met as a blind date type situation through a girlfriend at work. We all got together and went to a Casino and stayed over night. After learning about him I decided he wasn't for me. He was still married, (they slept in different rooms) 3 kids - (13 girl, 19 & 20 boys) all with issues of their own. Anyway my girlfriend slept with me in one bed and the guys slept in the other. We had a good time and we knew one another for 2 years before we actually got together.

He is a truly a good guy - and I am bound to screw it up - it's a pattern I'm afraid. He is a little younger 43. He was in a miserable marriage. He stayed for 20 years. She was seeing a Black guy and I think that's what made him leave rather than - him leaving her for me if that makes any sense.

We have lived together for a year now and he has divorced her. Well we have been through a honeymoon period for sure and doted on each other. I love this man - but I feel he holds back and I give everything I have to the relationship. I an a jealous girl however and this has always caused me problems in my relationships. Well here we go.

His ex recently broke up with her boyfriend. And they seem to be talking more.

As I am writing this the situation just got much worse.

It is the Holidays - and my family are gone. He has a pretty big family and they are all down for Thanksgiving too. I had to work on Friday and he made plans to go bowling with the kids. I didn't hear from him all day until time for me to get off. I asked if they had a good time and he said yeah they had a great time. We were to go for dinner with his family when I got off. When I got home he told me his ex came with them and he knew I'd be mad - Furious is more like it. We went to dinner anyway and was strained but I got through it.

We came home and didn't talk much watched a show and went to bed but didn't touch and we always snuggle.

This morning he was suppose to work around the house but instead he put on dress clothes and left. I tried to talk to him and he didn't want to talk about it. He said he guesses he's moving out." I don't want to live with a woman that doesn't trust me".

He said he get his things later.... that's where it is right now.

I am pretty emotional right now so I'm ending it here.

Thanks -

Melanie


Aunt B said...


Dearest Melanie,
This is a rough situation. I do believe I've been in a similar predicament, myself. I don't really believe you have been unreasonable in your feelings. I'm sorry but I will not tell you that you are wrong. If he knew or knows that you are uncomfortable with the notion that he is spending, "Quality," time with his ex, then he needs to read this. It starts with the word "Respect."

I don't believe the word "Trust" should enter the picture.
How gullible should you be? How naive in the name of trust should you be?
I'm sorry but I'm a firm believer that a woman should never assume her man is faithful to a fault. Who wants to go through the hurt and pain, if your man falls prey to some voluptuous, unscrupulous, uncaring tart? Men are men and their nature is, often, for a better word, Shady. Even in Biblical times, since the dawn of time, men have fallen prey to the evil ways of a Jezebel. It's more fact than fiction, unfortunately. So, we gotta be on our toes. There's a fine line between being insanely jealous, possessive and/or intelligently on top of the program. I would feel the same way, if I was in your position. I also believe, if the shoe was on the other foot, this guy would be very jealous, too!
I assume he was married to this "Ex" and it's only natural that they have things in common such as the children. Keeping things on an amicable and friendly level is mature and good for the sake of the children. Anything more than that suggests an ember. It is suspect, even to me. He need only to place himself in your shoes. But even if he can't, he needs to respect YOUR feelings. That's it and that's all.
R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

I hope you are able to work things out. Please let me know. In the mean time, I'd really like you to look at one thing; Did he look for an excuse to leave?