Thursday, March 15, 2007

All's Fair in Love and War

This was sent to Aunt B via email...

I am married to a beautiful woman. She is tall,slender,sexy, everything I've been looking for. We met at an on-line dating site, and we hit it off right away. Within two months we were married. I know it was fast, but we were sure that it would work. After about eight months of trying to have a baby, things began to turn. She came to me one day and told me that she was not happy in our marriage. We never fight, we have had maybe two arguments the whole time. She could just tell me that she was not happy. I was immediately cut off from sex. She didn't want to get preg. She says that she loves me, but is not in love with me. She just does not have the feelings for intimacy. It is very confusing to me. I'm a man. I love her and want to have sex with her. We sleep together in the same bed, she tells me she loves me, but we have only done the deed a couple times since that day. When she feels horny. I have stayed home from work a couple of times in the past week, and I decided to look at her personal journals. I know it is wrong to do, but I am desperate. In the journal I discovered that she has been communicating with one of her many past boyfriends. She says in her journal that she still has emotional attatchments to this guy. She has been e-mailing back and forth with this guy according to her journal, but when I checked her e-mail there was no record of e-mails with him. She has an e-mail account that is through her work, and I suspect that they are using that one. My predicament is whether or not I should confront her about what she wrote in her journal, or have I violated her privacy too much to reveal, and confront her about this.


Aunt B said...

EP, I really feel for you. You sound like a really nice guy who's grasping at straws and wrestling with the guilt of violating the unwritten privacy law.

All's fair in love and war.

You have actually listened to your spirit/intuition that has led you, in the first place, to distrust your wife. When we listen to our inner voice, we're often right.

You have a serious trust issue here. If you don't have trust, you have nothing, in any relationship. If she's not your wife, in her heart, she's not your wife, now is she? You can't make her have emotions that she thinks she doesn't have, right? However, my loyalty is with you, for some reason. If you were my own son, I would tell you that you have absolutely nothing to lose by confronting her with the information you have.

All's fair in love and war.

Take the bull by the horn's and address the situation. You tell her that you had a suspicion and you were grasping at and holding on for dear life and felt desperate because you love her. Don't mention the fact that you don't want to look like a fool either, it won't matter. If you choose to try to work out this relationship, you must confront her or accept your life as it is. That's exactly what it comes down to; What are you willing to swallow in the name of love? You obviously are not happy as things are. What do you have to lose by telling her how you feel? She is so beautiful to you and you are so in love and she can't see it, it is wasted, thrown to the wind.

All's fair in love and war.

I want you to plan a nice dinner, a quiet evening at home and you first tell her how much you really love her. But you will no longer tolerate being treated any less than her husband. You tell her you don't buy the fear of intimacy because she might get pregnant. Hell, that's what birth control and condoms are for and she could use both. You calmly, take control of this situation and make it known you will no longer go along with this situation. You are not to be played with any longer. Confront her with her behavior towards you. If she denies it, you make it understood, things are going to change or bye-bye. You must make it crystal clear that your life will not longer be toyed with and you are not going to tolerate it one more day. Only pull out the Ace, the knowledge you have of her supposed communication with her ex, if you must. You take the upper hand. Yes, I said take it and make it yours. You look in the mirror, pull off that bandaid you've been wearing on your heart and take a stand. Or live the rest of your life, in misery, allowing her to do whatever she wants to you.

I'd slap you myself!! Stand up to her. Have her read this. The jig is up, the game is no more and you're taking your heart and your life back. If she is smart, she'll realize what a good guy she has and get her act together. Now, lace up those boots and march in there and do what needs to be done! Please let me know how you are and how things turn out. If only I was younger...damn!!

Keeping it Real,

Aunt B

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