I'm 18 and don't have a job at the moment and it gets me down a lot
because I cant go out and see my mate. I have to rely on my Mum and I'm really
bored of day time t.v but theres a big problem because I know I need a job but
I just can't get up out of bed and look for one please help. why is it I know
what I have to do but just won't. Why?
Hey Sweetie, One side of me wants to put a foot in your butt, just I've had to with my own sons. But the other wants to hug you and tell you, it's gonna be alright. I just so have happened to see depression, up close and personal. I think this may be part of your issue? Your letter is too vague for any real assessment but I can give you some perspective.
Don't think for one minute that I do not understand, ok? I've been so depressed and full of anxiety that I was virtually paralyzed. I have been diagnosed with Manic Depression, Battered Woman's Syndrome and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Did I mention my addictions? I am a mess but I have grown and so will you.
Sometimes our lives feel as if we have no control, no hope and no future. It's sure easy to fall into the trappings of a situation, our lives, just not what we'd hoped for. It can be disappointing, huh? But here you are, at the start of your life and you are spinning in one spot. Let's look at the possibilities, ok?
It may be Depression and I have given you some tests, definitions and links at the bottom of this post. If you are depressed, you may not be able to climb out alone. I would seek counseling, two heads are better than one, right? You may very well have a legitimate need for medication. Depression can run in families. My own family has been touched by it. My husband, I and my children, all have varying degrees. Before my husband died, I didn't know about depression, not really. My husband was very depressed, most of the time. I would get extremely angry with him and thought he just needs to get off his lazy ass and do something. I had no idea just how devastating it can be. I think, a lot of the population has no understanding of depression and they can certainly be cold and calloused about those that don't fit into the mold that Society dictates as how a normal citizen should behave. You understand what I mean? They expect everybody to be able to go to school, and then go to work , raise a family and be productive. There's not much tolerance if you do not adhere to their plans for success in citizenry.
If you have a form of depression, medication may help you, as well as therapy. But let me point this out to you...having depression gives you no license to sit in your own crap and not do anything about it. If you see that you have a problem, seek help. It will not come to you, right? Make a phone call to your Human Services, Mental Health Services or even a Hotline. They may and will steer you where you need to go.
I believe you know something is not right or you'd not have written, huh?
Self-esteem, may very well be another issue? I am more than aware of how difficult it can be to leave your home, go to a job interview and wait to be, figuratively kicked in the teeth. The mere thought of being rejected by a potential Employer, can be paralyzing, huh? I'd bet you are sitting there and you sabotage yourself? You are telling yourself, that no one wants to hire you? Well, with that attitude, you have to ask yourself, if you'd hire you, right? Stop it!
Every single person has something to offer to society, every single person. Now, we need to hone in on your strengths and look at your weaknesses in a positive way.
First, look at what you have to offer an employer. Don't tell me nothing either!
I would love to see you list your good qualities, on paper. Are you good with people? Are you good with computers? Are you good at…and so on? What are your good qualities? You have not told me if you have any job experience or if you are skilled in anything? But let’s assume you have no skills or past job experience, ok?
First and foremost, you must have realistic goals. You can not expect to Manage or be a CEO overnight. You’ll have to find an entry level job. You are 18 years old and it’s quite possible that you want the world and you want it now. You may also have to humble yourself and take a job that you are not especially fond of. Once you get out there and begin to work, at anything, you will find that you begin to feel better. Then, you want more and you dream bigger. It’s not fact but it seems to me that when it’s hard to find a job, once you get out there, more jobs pop up. It’s an unwritten rule that I’ve seen myself. I’ve worked so many jobs that were rather unpleasant but I always began to feel better once I was out in the work force and productive. I can just about guarantee, that if you follow this strategy, you will begin to feel better. In turn, you will be out there and more apt to hear of better jobs. I’m telling you, to go out and find a crap job, that’s not too challenging. You will feel better about yourself and when you see that you are actually capable of more, you then look for better. Remember, the jobs will not look for you, you must look for them.
Another thing I want you to think about and envision is an actual interview. How will you conduct yourself? What will you wear? If you are trying to get any job, you should try to dress the part. In other words, let’s say you want to work as a nurses aid, you would wear white. If it’s a business office, you’d want to wear a suit. But if you are going for an average job, you at least wear a collared shirt, if male and if you are a woman, you’d best wear a dress or nice pants suit. You have to match your clothing to what you want to obtain and perspective employers will be able to envision you fitting in. Even if you would try for a job in fast food, i.e. McDonalds, you would at least wear a clean Polo shirt and slacks. You don’t want to over dress but look clean cut.
The next thing I want you to envision is this; if you go for a job interview and they do not hire you, most likely you will never see them again. What is the worst thing that can happen; they tell you that you are not suited for the position? Would that kill you or crush you? Don’t allow the element of the unknown to hold you in the grips of fear. But if you start off realistically and within the scope of your training, skills or even lack of both and try for a job, just about anybody could get, there’s little chance of rejection. And as I stated before, after you’ve been out there and you feel better about yourself and your personal self-worth, you step it up a notch and shoot for a better job. If you have no skills, then you pay attention and learn that particular job, the one you are in. See, you may be able to take that experience and apply it to the next job. Life skills are often the best skills to obtain and as long as you have a good work ethic, you can’t go wrong. A good work ethic means that whatever job you do, you do it the best job possible. You take pride in this and being on time. You don’t work hard at getting out of work. You work smart and you won’t have to work as hard. Invest your time in honing whatever it is you will do and do it well. It doesn’t matter if you are a garbage/rubbish collector, you be the best damn collector/sanitation worker you can be.
I think you just need a good dose of perspective. I think you may be expecting that your life should be all together and planned right here, right now. But for some of us, it just doesn’t work that way. Some of us are not handed college or a family business. Some of us have to work hard and get our hands dirty. We can’t all be the beautiful people now can we? I am not in the scope of the beautiful people either and I have worked since I was 14 years old. I take pride in the fact, that I arrive at work on time, I don’t call in sick, faking an illness to get out of work and I don’t spend my time making it look like I’m working, trying to get over. I can look in the mirror and be proud of myself. I believe you can do this too. Stop trying to reach the moon and just grab one of the million stars. Be good at whatever it is you do and remember that every body doesn’t get everything handed to them on a silver platter. Hell no, mine was handed to me on a paper plate and I do the best I can with it.
You have to start somewhere and you have to crawl before you can walk. Start crawling, get out there, next thing you know, you’ll be flying!
Here's an NYU, Depression Test Click Here
Here's another Test Click Here
Many men/women don't recognize depression symptoms. Depression is a complex matter. In recent years, with burgeoning research progress, we are finding out that depression is much more common than many of us thought. At least 15% (and likely more) of men/women take an antidepressant during their lifetime. Depression is much more common in women than in men, but the reason for this female predominance is unclear.
Besides the fact that woman suffer from depression more often than do men, women often think they can "work through" a depression on their own. They may misunderstand the low risk associated with medication treatment of depression, or else they believe that because they are intelligent hard-working people a counselor or psychologist will be of no help. These mistaken beliefs are, unfortunately, common. Medications for depression may sometimes have annoying side effects, such as agitation, insomnia, or drowsiness, but serious reactions are extremely unusual. Women with a true depression are suffering. Such bothersome, non-life threatening side effects, which may lessen soon anyway, are likely to be much more tolerable than untreated depression for many women. Time and again, studies have shown that either counseling or medication therapy, or optimally both together, are extremely effective in safely relieving depression in both women and men.
Learn about treatments for depression »
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What is a depressive disorder?
Depressive disorders have been with man since the beginning of recorded history. In the Bible, King David, as well as Job, suffered from this affliction. Hippocrates referred to depression as melancholia, which literally means black bile. Black bile, along with blood, phlegm, and yellow bile were the four humors (fluids) that accounted for the basic medical physiology of that time. Depression has been portrayed in literature and the arts for hundreds of years, but what do we mean today when we refer to a depressive disorder? In the nineteenth century, depression was seen as an inherited weakness of temperament. In the first half of the twentieth century, Freud linked the development (pathogenesis) of depression to guilt and conflict. John Cheever, the author and a modern sufferer of depressive disorder, wrote of conflict and experiences with his parents as influencing his development of depression.
In the 1950's and 60's, depression was divided into two types, endogenous and neurotic. Endogenous means that the depression comes from within the body, perhaps of genetic origin, or comes out of nowhere. Neurotic or reactive depression has a clear environmental precipitating factor, such as the death of a spouse, or other significant loss, such as the loss of a job. In the 1970's and 80's, the focus of attention shifted from the cause of depression to its effects on the afflicted people. That is to say, whatever the cause in a particular case, what are the symptoms and impaired functions that experts can agree make up a depressive disorder? Although there is some argument even today (as in all branches of medicines), most experts agree that:
1. A depressive disorder is a syndrome (group of symptoms) that reflects a sad mood exceeding normal sadness or grief. More specifically, the sadness of depression is characterized by a greater intensity and duration and by more severe symptoms and functional disabilities than is normal.
2. Depression symptoms are characterized not only by negative thoughts, moods, and behaviors, but also by specific changes in bodily functions (e.g., eating, sleeping, and sexual activity). The functional changes are often called neurovegetative signs.
3. Certain people with depressive disorder, especially bipolar depression (manic depression), seem to have an inherited vulnerability to this condition.
4. Depressive disorders are a huge public health problem.
* In 1990, depression cost the United States 43 billion dollars in both direct costs, which are the treatment costs, and indirect costs, such as lost productivity and absenteeism.
* In a major medical study, depression caused significant problems in the functioning of those affected more often than did arthritis, hypertension, chronic lung disease, and diabetes, and in two categories of problems, as often as coronary artery disease.
* Depression can increase the risks for developing coronary artery disease, HIV, asthma, and some other medical illnesses. Furthermore, it can increase the morbidity (illness) and mortality (death) from these conditions.
5. Depression is usually first identified in a primary care setting, not in a mental health practitioner's office. Moreover, it often assumes various disguises, which causes depression to be frequently under-diagnosed.
6. In spite of clear research evidence and clinical guidelines regarding therapy, depression is often under-treated. Hopefully, this situation can change for the better.
7. For full recovery from a mood disorder, regardless of whether there is a precipitating factor or it seems to come out of the blue, treatments with medications and/or electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) and psychotherapy are often necessary.