Thursday, February 01, 2007
Hi Aunt B,
I've been having this issue with a co-worker. I've worked at this bar for 2 years now and have worked with him the whole time. After about 6 months he started kinda flirting with me, nothing to take to heart. I would just catch him staring at me a lot and he would make little comments about sex, the kind of talk you would expect in a bar environment. I knew he had a girlfriend that wasn't very nice, she came into work all the time and would start screaming at him then they would go outside. I'm not sure what they fight about and it was really none of my business. However I have seen him on a few occasions taking someone other then his GF home after we closed. So after a few months of him flirting with me I got drunk and told him I liked him. Actually I told him "I was going to hump him someday" Gosh what a pickup line uh. lol Anyway I'm pretty sure he got the picture. Then my friend was talking to him and he said he had a GF and I though ya know thats cool. I've seen him cheat on her but perhaps he was letting my down easy and just didn't like me. So things we awkward for a lil bit but we got over it. That was last July. So then we started talking again, and once again he started flirting with me. Like when he would put limes in a beer he would move them in and out in a seductive way and when I look up at him he stares straight into my eyes with those "I want you" eyes. He calls me "My Love" and hugs me all the time. We are just really extra sweet to each other constantly and I really really like him. After all this time he still make my heart skip a beat, and I cant sleep at night, I think about him all the time and his hugs make all the problems in the world just disappear. Did I mention he is smokin hot, with beautiful blue eyes. lol I'm pretty sure all we would have is a one night stand, but I think we would be a great couple, but I'd settle for anything from him. So after all this time of us playing around nothing is happening. He is still with his GF, and we still flirt horribly. Am I just reading him wrong? He doesn't act that way to the rest of the girls. Pretty sure he knows I still like him. Do you think he is just playing me so I keep taking good care of him when we work? Should I just stop flirting so much and move on or try harder to get him? I would hate to always wonder what if. How is it possible for a guy to break my heart and we never even dated.
Lonely and Confused inSouth Dakota
Aunt B said...
Dear Lonely and Confused,
My first reaction is, to live like you were dying. But after careful thought, I would not tell you that. I realize he is hot and I sure remember that, "take my breath away" feeling. I want you to consider one thing; if he has a girlfriend, already and behaves as he does, what makes you think he would not do this to you? Would you be setting yourself up, for a hurtful scenario? Obviously he's a Playboy. Now, you may be the exception to the rule but please process this, look, listen and watch. His track record shows that he is not loyal and trust worthy, is he? If a guy already has this "fool around" mentality, it is not easy to change short of threatening his life. That worked for me but not before a lot of heartache, seriously. No, he must not be happy in his relationship. But why does he stay in it? Is he using her? She's obviously a bitch but he stays with her and just fools around. Why is this? There's always a motive. Maybe she offers stability. Maybe, she's a bitch because she's got an idea that he is so flirtatious? Regardless, the fact of the matter is that he stays with her and if they're not married, he's not obligated. So, why does he behave this way? I'll tell you why; because he can and will.
Flip the Script
The other side of the coin is this; I am a true believer in what comes around, goes around. I am on a first name basis with.... Mz.Karma Bitchslap, we go way back. We met on bad terms and she whipped my ass. But now, for the most part, we're the best of friends. I tell you this for one reason; Karma. You know he's in a relationship, even if it is floundering and he claims to be unhappy. Only do what you want done to you in return, ok? If you want to know the pain of being fooled around on, go ahead but if you have scruples, you'll think this one through.
You can completely ignore him or you can begin a master plan. If you are really interested and you know he is not happy and you do want to pursue him, you need a nice warm cup of steaming passion and honesty. If he gets close enough and you know he is really flirting, on a serious level, you talk to him. With all the passion you can muster, you look your best, look him in the eyes and tell him the truth. That you know he is with somebody and for that reason, you will not go out with him. Then, you tell him that if he ever decides to be nice and play fair, to look you up. You may get a mixed emotional reaction but it will hit home. Don't fall prey to his games. Don't allow him to play you. No, I want you to play him and take charge. If he's really interested, he'll clean his nasty ass ways up, think about how much he'll respect you because you are not a pushover. He just might realize that you are the one filly, he couldn't break. Wild horses, girlfriend. Remember, when you walk away from him, after your little conversation, I want you, to strut your shit, ya hear. Leave him looking at what could be, on your terms. One last thing; if I never hear from you again I want you to remember one thing...never be stupid when it comes to your man. If you've seen him in action, don't ever underestimate his ability to hurt you. Trust is one thing, stupidity is another, meaning, you never feed your man to the she-wolves. Don't leave him unattended. Meet his sexual needs, keep your appearance up and try to maintain the spark. If you do all this, he should not have to shop any where else, right?
I wish you the best in this endeavor Feel free to email me, if I can chat with you again. Keep me abreast as to the outcome, please.