Saturday, December 1, 2007

On Top of the Program

This was sent to Aunt Babz via email...

Dear Aunt Babz,

My boyfriend is the best boyfriend in the entire world, but i keep thinking he's flirting with my best friend and my best is slowly flirting with him! i really like him and want to keep him for everrrrrrrrrr! So what shall i do i soooooooo want to keep him for ever hes soooooooooo cute!
PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!
From troubled lover

Dear Troubled Lover,

Well, you've not given me too much to go on but this is surely a classic case. It's also nothing I've not seen before, nor is it anything I've not experienced myself. I'd be willing to bet, this happens all the time, to countless couples, friends and so on. But it can be fixable, just as Soulseer says, "All things, in life, are fixable."

I can tell that you are young and ask you to pay attention, to what I write to you. Life lessons, my Dear, I will tell you things, you may carry all your life, ok?

It's no big secret, that guys are hardwired differently than we are. They think about sex, all the time, a constant, the younger they are. It's also no big secret than men are more apt to fool around, that's a statistical fact, unfortunately. Having said this, you have to remember to be smarter than the average girl/woman.

This guy may not be Mr. Right, the man you will marry but if he is or isn't, you can apply what I write you to this and future relationships, ok?

Trust is the biggest factor, in any relationship. While you may trust your man, you never feed him to the Lioness', you never look the other way and you never believe it won't happen to you or your man is exempt from the urges of temptation.

You'll make yourself sick, if you allow it to run you but you just have to be on top of the game. For the guys that like to place themselves into situations where they may be tempted, i.e. going to bars, strip clubs, frat parties, beach parties, etc., where you are not present, they are certainly placing themselves in the line of fire. When and if they add the factor of drinking/drugs, their inhibitions and ability to abstain from temptation is almost always compromised. I'd be willing to bet that most guys, if and when they did fool around, would admit they were under the influence. They like to blame it on drinking, an excuse for their indiscretion.

While you can not stop them from doing what they want to do, you can make it very clear that what's good for the goose, is always good for the gander. You must always place them in your shoes, let them feel what you are feeling, when they go out and you don't know what they are really up to. I have rarely seen a guy who has the capability to really understand, until they themselves live it, what it's like for you to sit home, wondering what they are up to. Wonder and worry. So, sometimes, you must turn the tables and let them sit home and wonder if some guy is hitting on you. I hate to say it but often times, this is the only way they'll really get the gist of the emotions that go with this. I had to do this because my husband was always saying that he "needed" a night out with the guys. I'd sit home wondering what was really going on. After a few Saturday nights, home alone, I made the decision to put him in the hot seat. It changed his opinion about things as he sat wondering and waiting. Just an example.

While this may not apply to you, at this age and juncture of your life, it may, a few years from now and the concept, of placing them, in your shoes, rings true for everything.

You don't want to be perceived as a worry wart, possessive, jealous or accusing, I think you need only to put things into perspective for your guy. At first opportunity, you sit him down and tell him you want to talk to him about something that's just too much, not to mention. Then, you have to spin things, just a bit. While it is not a lie, you must have a certain approach, as to how you lay all this out.

You tell him that you care so much about him but you're not stupid. Now, this is the important part; You tell him that you've noticed your friend, coming on to him and then you tell him, he's probably not even aware of it. See, by saying it, like this, you are not accusing him and he won't put up a wall of defense. You are shifting the blame on your girlfriend, that lil' hussy. I might add that she's not much of a friend, knowing that you care for him, so very much and flirting with him, right under your nose. Actually, it's pretty disrespectful and she's crossed that fine line between being friendly with your boyfriend and being out and out flirtatious.

"I will not be disrespected, in this manner and from this point on, I'll ask you to keep your distance from her, as she is not really my friend anymore."

My Dear, you do not need friends that will blatantly disrespect you, understand? You tell him this too. Friends don't flirt with the guy you care about, even if they are pretending to just be fooling around.

By saying all this to him but not accusing him, he will now see that you are on top of the program, you are not blind and you want nothing more to do with a friend that would throw a wrench in the works of your happy relationship. In turn, him knowing that you can see what's happening, he'll cool his heels, maybe keep his distance from her because he knows you know what's what. Yes, always be on top of the program, be one step ahead of the game.

The next step, is you go to this supposed girlfriend and you let her know that she has disrespected you by being overly flirtatious with your guy and you'd appreciate it, if she would stop as he's getting the wrong idea. Guys eat it up, when a girl flirts with them but it opens doors of opportunity that should not be open.

If you feel you can't approach this friend and tell her that she's done you wrong, which she has, you begin a plan of distancing yourself from her and especially when you are with your guy. Remember, with friends like her, who needs enema's?

Keeping It Real,

Aunt Babz

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