Saturday, June 23, 2007

Smell The Cologne

This was sent to Aunt B via email...

Dear Aunt B,
I love my girlfriend, who is a 38 yr old flight attendant, she doesn't earn as much money as I do so I have been paying a few bills a month for her first to just help out.. This has now turned into a permanent thing and I am starting to feel that I am being taken advantage of. I gave her an expensive present for her birthday, but on mine, she gave me a birthday card saying she ordered something but it didn't arrive yet. This turned out to not be true by the way.... I realize she doesn't have a lot of money but yet she buys presents for her family all the time. Am I being taken advantage of ?

Dear Friend,

My initial reaction or gut instinct is, only if you allow it. I think you must weigh out, if she is being frugal or you've given her opportunity to believe that, now she has a crutch and can go and spend what she wants, as you'll be there to help her out.

But I think, you would not be writing me, if you were satisfied with that relationship? What I mean is this, are her priorities with her family and not you?
It is kind of you, to see that she has no money and could hardly afford a present but dammit, she could not tell me, that for your Birthday, she could not even write you a nice letter, telling you, how important you are in her life and she would give you the world, if she could. Many years, as a young bride, I felt I couldn't ask my husband for money to buy him a present, with his money. It was our money but you know what I mean. So, every year, I would do something special, cook a nice meal and write a nice letter or I even made cards and coupon books. They were kind of sexy coupons, need I say more? But it is always the thought that counts.

Now, she may have lied, telling you that she ordered something for you, out of embarrassment? Yet, she will give to her family? She may feel that comfortable with you, that she does not feel the need to shine or or or, she's behaving badly like a good lil golddigger.

I think this comes down to, you assessing your situation. As I said before, it is kind of you, to be helpful but if your relationship was all it should be, you'd not have written me. Possibly, back up and assess things. Maybe you should stop giving her the money or making the payment...a little tough love?

I think, only you can actually weigh this out. If you are not married, you don't owe her a thing. maybe, it's time for girlfriend, to wake up and smell the cologne. Back off for a minute. It's not a power play, if you take back your own control. See what I mean? It is your money, not hers. Imagine this, if you were not there, what would she do? Well, she'd have to live within her means, would she not? It may be a lesson to learn here. That is my gut reaction

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