Friday, July 6, 2007

Zero Tolerance for Violence

This was sent to Aunt Babz via email...

Dear Aunt B,
My problem is my brother! He bullies me. Whenever we are alone in a room
together he attacks me. He usually goes on top of me and punches my
back(which is extremely painful), punches my head, pulls my hair and lots
more. I have told my parents but everything that they have done does not
work to prevent him from doing it again! He usually goes and tells them
lies before i get a chance to and twists the story to make out that he
is the victim! I really cannot take this any longer and can't stand to
live n the same house as him as i really hate him. He is 12 and i am
almost 15. Please help me because i feel like walking out!
Lisa x

Dear Lisa,

Sounds to me, like you've just about had enough. I can't say as I blame you. Your little brother is turning into a little Monster and if your parents can't contain him, well, there's trouble brewing. If he'll do this to his own big Sister, he'll probably do it to other people, anybody. This has got to be stopped.

You asked my advice and I am surely going to give it to you. I think you should also allow your parents to read this. Maybe they don't realize just how bad this can get? Your brothers behavior now, if left unchecked will not go away on it's own. If they really want to stop it, they must buckle down and take it as seriously, as it really is. I can not stress how very bad this is. They may think you're being a drama queen but if he is allowed to continue, he'll think it's ok. He'll think he can get away with it.

Violent tendencies, are actually serious. Will they take it seriously, when he's sitting in Juvenile Detention because he's really hurt someone? They will have no control over that, if he hurts someone else. The only control they'll have in the situation, is what time, they go for visitation. If he's lucky and gets away with this, will he beat someone up as an adult and spend time in jail or prison, before they think, "Well, gosh darn it, we should've taken his sister seriously, when she said he was doing all that hitting and hurting?" Will he think it's ok to beat his wife? Or maybe, he'll just beat his children because that's how he knows to deal with his aggression and feelings? Yes, this is very serious.

My suggestion is that you have your parents read this, for starters. You then, inform them that if he hits you again, you have the right to call the police. You do have the right to file a complaint against your brother, oh yes you do. The problem is that Children & Youth Services will be called in. They will look at the whole situation. This will not be a positive reflection on your parents or your brother. It will however be taken seriously, as seriously as the situation merits.
Mom and Dad need to realize this.

My Advice, is for you, to inform little Brother, that if he touches you one more time, you will call the Police. If you tell him this, you must follow through and do it. He does not have the right to lay one finger on you. Maybe he doesn't understand this concept?

There must be Zero Tolerance for Violence. See, kids will be kids and siblings often rough house but if he is hurting you and nothing is being done about it, it is not a good thing and it surely is not something you, want him to think, he can do.

You must respect your parents and you go to them first. Hopefully, they'll see that you've had enough. Right here, right now, I am telling you that I think you have every right in the world to feel as you do.

In the event that you do not feel that you can go to your parents about this, I suggest that, you tell your brother, if he comes near you, you will call the Police and you will have him arrested. the Police will handle it then and I do think they will think it is disturbing. It may seem drastic but it is not. You must realize that he should not be allowed to behave this way. I do think your parents just don't see the long term effect of this behavior running amuck. It will not get better on it's own, as I've said before.

In the long run, if you must call the Police, which you have the right to do and I can't stress this enough, he will wish he'd taken you seriously. He must realize now, before it's too late, that there are consequences for his actions. Otherwise, tell Mom and Dad, not to bother with the savings for college. Nope, he'll only need Commissary money at the local Prison.


Xmichra said...

Not to be a push over here....i am just thinking that the police may make things harder at home if the parents are sidding with the boy.

Lets get a few things here. I know this SHOULDN'T matter.. but do you bruse? Is he hitting you enough to make physical evidence?? Because if so, i would go directly to the parents with that. I would demand that this behaviour stop, and i would warn teh parents as well as the brother that if he doesn't stop then i would call the cops. And make good on it, like Babs said.

It's tricky when you are the older sibbling.. and the parents are sidding with the little boy instead of the teenaged girl. It really should be easier then this.. but so much stigma.

Honestly though, domestic violence is something this boy will be well to apt to do if it's not stopped, and i think that if you have supplied your parents with what your demands are (and that is to a safe environment. nothing unusual or unobtainable) and what the consequence is if you are hit again... well i think that your parents might be willing to back you a little more.

Anonymous said...

Help please
I have the same problem, my parents dont listen to me and do nothing to stop it, my brother attacks me violently when I have to do my homework on the computer and is usually when my parents leave home, he thinks he dominates the computer, he bruised my hand purple, hit me with the vacuum stick, pull my hair out in chunks. I want to finish school and be something, but with all this going on, I cant take it anymore and I m stressed. I dont know what to do. I want to tell someone but am afraid. He is 14 and I am now 15 turing 16. My life sucks. He has been doing this to me since I was 12. My parents dont trust either to go out with my friends, that my dad follows me in his car, and even when I have to walk home from school. I have to go now, my brothers coming. Please help me

Ask Aunt B said...

Anonymous, I have answered you here;
Take Action

Write to me, if this does not help, ok? I wish you the best!

Aunt Babz