Affairs of the Heart

This was sent to Aunt Babz via email...

Dear Aunt B,

I think its a wonderful opportunity to share my love life in a bid to sought advice from you even though my case is not that of physical health but emotional.

I have a situation right now and I need your candid advice on the issue. I am a Born Again child of God and I am 34years.I was not engage until recently. I have had several failed attempt to be engage due to many reasons I can not explain but i guess its not Gods will for me.

This February I got a missed call from a number I am not familiar with, then I called to discover 2 days later that the number belong to my dads colleague in the office. My dad denied having a relationship with this woman 2 years ago even though some of sibling and my mother thinks something was fishing between, in fact he came to my apartment to denial all allegation. I believed him and we all put all of that behind us.

As at the time I called this woman number it happens that her daughter was with her phone, I don't know she has a daughter that is as old as Tolu (not her real name).I later realize that I gave her mother my number my phone when she visited us during New Year Day. My mother traveled to her home town for the Christmas and New Year that’s why she came at dad’s invitation, because I know my sibling and mum don’t like seeing her around at all.

Anyway, I got talking with Tolu on phone regularly for close to 3 weeks before we later meet. I really like her sense of maturity and manners. She was raised by her paternal grandmother as a good Christian. She is a very well groom and well behave girl. Something in me yawn for her and I later propose to her.....She later accepted my proposal after some resistance that is common with ladies.

My dad approve of my intension and her mum too, however a month later Tolus’ mum called me and told me she wanted to report my dad to me...from her story it happened that truly she was seeing my dad and it no longer a secret.They actually had a misunderstanding and she said she feels she should tell me. She said it would not affect her approval of my relationship with her daughter and she thinks we have our lives to live.

I confronted my Dad and he confess it true I guess he accepted because Tolus mum opened up, I was pained but I didn’t show him. I was pained because if I knew I wouldn’t have ask Tolu out. The truth is I am deeply in love with Tolu and our love grows deeper and deeper everyday. She is completely innocent and I don’t think she will be herself again if the truth is told, she vowed to always love me because I am the one she ever wanted.

My siblings dislike my intention to want to marry her and my mum hated the ideal altogether. However, I have finally found peace with Deborah and I don’t think we deserve to sacrifice our love because of my dad and her mum illicit affair.
What can I do? Please advice.

Lion King

Dear Lion King,

I am not sure, I understand your entire letter? I think this concerns the discomfort, of others, concerning, the possibility, that your Dad had an affair? Is it your Mum's discomfort, you are concerned with?

My answer to this one, I think is rather quick; if you were my son, regardless, of my own feelings, I would be happy for you. We may not want to call it "selfish" but it is, if your Mum would allow this, past indiscretion to stand in the way, of the affairs of your heart. You had nothing to do, with what your father, has done. This young lady, who so possess your heart, had nothing to do with the indiscretion, either. Why should you both, be punished for it? I mean, while it is possible, that had you known all about this indiscretion, you may not have a approached, or sought after Tolus. But the facts here are that, you did not know, right? Regardless, I think if you are in love, I would be happy for you. Your Mum, may be a bit uncomfortable, at first but she should put her feelings aside, for the sake of your happiness.

My advice would be, to go to your Mum and tell her, it is not in you, to hurt her. You are truly sorry, if this might cause her any pain and that it is not your wish to make her feel bad or dredge up any past. You explain to her, that you love this girl and have asked for her hand in marriage. You then tell your Mum, that you want her to be happy for you and you need her blessings. Tell her to please try to see, that you are so in love.

I think if you just confront the issue, with tact and understanding, all will be well. Try to allow your Mum to see, just how happy this young woman has made you and ask her to share in it. I think it is an uncomfortable subject but I think Mum will try to understand, if you make her see, just how happy, you really are. Ask her if she wants you to be happy? She will answer yes. Then, ask her to try to put her feelings aside and give her undying and unconditional love and blessings. I wish you the best.

I don't feel that you should feel bad for this. You have done nothing wrong, remember that. But you go to your Mum and you ask for her blessings.