Friday, July 20, 2007

Proceed With Caution

This was sent to Aunt babz via email...

Hi Aunt B,

Hi my name is Angel and i need some advice but don't have anyone to ask, i have this boyfriend for 2 years and during these 2 years he was living with an ex girlfriend and his three kids. i finally got the courage to dump him this morning and he left but came back an hour later crying because he told his ex that he loved me and he did not love her anymore and she was leaving with kids, but before this a lot of stuff has happened about 4 months ago i turned 21 and we had a cook out and then we were all suppose to go out to bar but he did not show up so i dance with my friends and he got mad at me the next day and i told him it was his own fault, but then later we worked it all out, but then at work one of my guy friends tells my dad who works with me as well that the reason he did not go to the bar because he went to another friends house to hang with some girls. i confronted him about this and he said that he did go but just to drop something off and went home, but then he went to my guy friend and ask why they would say something like that you know that he loves me so much it hurts and how he is leaving everything for me(his 3 kids)but he found out who said it and it was my friend Pete, well the they got to a fist fight and i got mad and said why you fighting with my friend over something you started and thats when i broke up with him but every thing worked itself out but my boyfriend doesn't want me to even say hi to Pete but i have been talking to him but without my boyfriend knowing but today he caught me talking to him and he got mad at me and now he say he is going to break up with me, but there is only one way that he will forgive if i get rid of my dog and move in with him, i do love him a lot as well as the dog she is part of my family he never did like the dog i not sure what to do i mean i do have my parents that said they will take the dog and i could always go back to my life if it doesn't work out, i mean we had all these plans i was suppose to go to Texas in August to meet his parents and family, oh and by the way if i leave him i would have to find another job because he is my line leader. well please if you can give me some advice

Dear Angel,

It doesn't sit real well with me, him telling you that you can't speak to Pete and then breaking up with you, over it. I have a lot of questions, concerning his motive, for fist fighting with Pete, as well?

None of this sits well with me. I mean, in one way, you may be flattered, that he insists that you move in. You may also, like the fact that he went to battle, well, I'm sure you have mixed emotions about that, considering it was your friend. But in all due reality, he has no right to forbid you, not to speak with your friend. I can understand him, not wanting you to speak with him. I could also understand him, relaying his distaste for you speaking with him but it sounds a bit controlling.

I don't know why he would tell you, that you can't have your dog but he sure sounds demanding, possessive and controlling. Proceed with caution.

If he is willing to place such demands upon you, in order to continue the relationship and you allow it, to appease him, he may take it to the next level and begin to tell you who you can and can not be friends with. He may further try to isolate you from family. Proceed with caution.

For some reason, I don't have a real good feeling about this. I understand that he made sacrifices, in order for you two to be together but to demand that you move in, is again, extremely controlling.

If you choose to move in and try to make this work, be aware of the potential for his ability to be controlling. It's one thing to do something because you want to as love is never forced, coerced or controlled. But never allow someone, no matter what, to place demands upon you, that you are not comfortable with. Inviting you to live with him, is one thing but a rush to move in, could be inviting disaster. For him to place emphasis on the fact that you must move in with him or else, well, I'd like you to look at this. Proceed with caution.

The other thing I want you to look at, is the fact that he was living with someone else and conducting business with you. It was supposedly his ex, right? Yet, he tries to make himself look like a Martyr for the cause by leaving her. Are you certain, she was completely the "EX?" The second question is this; will he do the same thing to you? Will he get bored with you, start seeing someone else and call you the "ex?" Never think, if he's behaved a certain way to someone else, that he won't do it for you or to you. It can be a trademark behavior. I may be wrong about this but damn if I don't feel like he's a semi-pro player. Proceed with Caution!

If I am wrong about all this, I sure welcome you, setting me straight. I am not accusing, I am only trying to make you see possibility. I want you to go into this with both eyes wide open. I wish you the best.

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