Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Revisited; Zero Tolerance for Violence

This was sent to Aunt babz via email...

My little brother is 12 and im almost 14...Sometimes he is realy nice but most of the time he is a monster! He hurts emotianly and physically. He always calls me a hoe or bitch. He also pulls hair, punches, kicks etc. The latest one was when he pushed me in the head lightly i pushed his head lightly back and he goes and attacks me choking me. he let go thank goodness, but im scared one of these times he isnt going to let go...i told my mom about it and she said she would talk to my brother but im scared it still wont work. i have been having nightmares about him killing me and he gets SO violent over little things. Its at a point were i avoid him at all costs...i cant stand him and i want to leave. im not going to call the police...i cant..well i can but i wont....its just i dont know what to do....can you please help...o and can you keep my anonymous..thanks

Dear Anonymous,

I take it, you read this post, from the girl, who was going through a similar situation/ problem. Your story sounds the same. I do suggest you read it and take from it what you can. It's called, "Zero Tolerance for Violence."

I guess it all comes down to what you are willing to do, to remedy and heal from this situation. There is no magic here. If you can, have your Mom read this and the other post. The post, Zero Tolerance for Violence, shows the importance of a parent to squash this situation before it gets out of hand, on a legal realm. This scenario, is chock full of possibility for future problems, not to mention, the emotional scars, you obviously, already bear.

I do think, the threat of violence must be met head on. It is not something to play with and may only foster further problems for you and your brother. This is a serious issue and if I were you, I'd make sure Mom reads, at least the other post...hint...hint.

Once she has read that post, you two must talk. You've got to tell her how this affecting you. It's quite possible that she doesn't realize just how scared you are, that you're having nightmares or the magnitude of the situation. After all, this may be your brother but it is her son and she is accountable and responsible to make sure you are safe and hopefully, no further psychological damage is done.

I think it's real important for Mom to read this. I don't know you, so no harm is done to your family name, so I don't see why she would get upset with you for looking for advice, for something that scares the heck out of you. Mom just doesn't see it and how it's affecting you. If she knew, I'm quite sure, she'd do something. So, what is that something, she might do?

It is my suggestion, that she get you both into counseling. It's real important for Mom to understand the difference between healthy sibling rivalry, wrestling and so on. But when it comes to actual violence, the line needs to be drawn. Counseling is probably, the very best thing, that can be done. Deal with it now or let the jail officials deal with it later. Yes, that sounds harsh but it is a reality.

Furthermore, you stated that your brother pushed you, "Lightly," in the head. You responded by pushing him, lightly, back. I suggest keeping your distance and do not feed into anything. Do not make things worse, understand? If he pushes, hits, pulls your hair or even touches you, in an assaultive manner, you tell him, you are going to call the police. See, you might not want to do it and you may never do it but you can say it and make him aware that it is in fact illegal for him to do the things he's been doing. Mom needs to sit him down and make him aware that it is illegal. Kids go to Juvenile Detention centers every day for assault and she needs to ask him, if that's where he would like to go?

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