Thursday, July 19, 2007

A Fatal Attraction???

This was sent to Aunt Babz via email...

Can you please help me get over my ex boyfriend the father of my three year old son, we’ve been seeing each other for nearly 5 years and every time we brake up then make up, and tired of talking to him about the something over and over again, and when I talk about my feelings he keeps telling me I feel sorry for myself I really love him but I'm not shore he feels the same about me he said he loves me but I don’t feel it. I don’t know what should I do, do what I always do ask him back, but the I feel stupid if I do that, cause I know its going happen again and again, but its like when we brake up we cant stay away from each other we keep in come back to each other. But I think I'm getting really tired of this. And in the past his ex girlfriend was always in the picture I couldn’t get her out of my head when he leaves then I think his going to her, or I blame him for everything is it because I cheated on him twice and he took me back both times is it that, that’s making me feel insecure. Please help me cause already tried to commit suicide over him. And the first time I father saw him he told me to stay away from him and my father never knew how he was that was the day I met him.

Please help me.

Dear Friend,

Don't I know this kind of love. It really sucks. At times, you wish you'd never met them, other times, they take your breath away.

I don't know all the components, that are the mechanism of this relationship. I don't know what keeps it going and then breaks it up again. It may very well be, exactly what mine was; A Fatal Attraction.

I can't guess, what you are going through but if you have felt so much passion about him to the point of Suicide, I hope you recognize the fact that he's making you crazy. Been there myself. One side of me wanted nothing to do with him. The other side, didn't want and couldn't stand the thought of him being with anyone else. Thus, I stayed in a miserable relationship. I became sicker and sicker with each passing day. I was doing it all to myself, just as you are.

First, I'll suggest counseling. Therapy sessions can be very productive. The therapist often plays devils advocate and let's you know, if your feelings are really conducive to your well being. They may also walk you through solutions. Before this eats you alive, I'd see about speaking with someone. They've made it real easy, to get help. Look in your Yellow Pages for Mental Health locations, near you.

If you can't see your way, to doing this, counseling, I suggest that you busy yourself to a point of not being able to think. I mean, doing things to keep him off your mind. The more time, you are able to go without, the more healing you will have. Time heals all wounds but you've got to pull out an arsenal to sabotage yourself. Engage yourself, more with your son, do things and surround yourself with his presence. What I mean, is that, if you are in turmoil, children can feel it. If you are always unhappy, children can feel it. So, take this time, to spend it with your son and concentrate on only him and possibly a hobby or interest. Look for joy and humor. Your homework is to search for your laughter again.

It is not my intention to lay a guilt trip on you but because of all this, have you really given your son, your all? Concentrate on him, right now. If you do this and place him above all else, you'll be too busy, hopefully, to think of your longing for his Father.

I could also suggest, that you both go to counseling. Somehow, I don't see him doing it but it doesn't hurt to say so or even for you to mention it.

You must realize that you won your choices. You must own your decisions too. It's not easy to get over somebody and a bad relationship, especially if you believe you love them. But it's time for a change and it's time for you to be selfish and think about you and your son. You have a right to be happy, didn't you know this?

Try to stay away from him, for a while. If you must interact, try to be quite and concise, to the point and own the situation. Do not look into his eyes and do not allow yourself, to entertain, this notion of what could be. I say all this, only if you've made up your mind, you want to get over him.

So, keep busy, own your choices, seek counseling and above good to yourself. If you are good to yourself, in turn, you'll be a better Mommy to that mischievous little man; your three year old son.

I am here, if you need me. I'm just an email away.

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