Dear Aunt Babz,
Hi i need help with relationship. i met this guy who will be in my college class all my friends know him. i have never met him but i like him by the way he talks and everything. how do i get him to like me back. or understand
Well, you've not given me much to go on here, huh? But I think I can give you a few pointers.
Remember this; Everything in life, is perception.
In my youth, I loathed cliches and adages but I can see that a good portion of them come directly from wisdom. One of those adages is,
Never truer words, have been spoken. All of life, comes down to our perception of each other. I can look back, through all these years and see that I dated some rather good looking guys and I often wondered, just how did I get them? I mean, I didn't think I was all that and if the truth were known, I never thought I was very pretty. I was told that I was but I often thought they were just being kind. That makes me laugh but I've just always tried to be realistic with myself and I have never been egotistical...that I know of. But I am real, as real ,as real can get.
I don't pretend to be what I am not, I look in the mirror and see exactly who I am. I've tried to improve where I could and accepted what I could not change. I suggest, you do the same thing. Once you are acceptant of yourself, comfortable in your own skin, your persona will change. How do you get to that point?
You must be honest and realistic with yourself, first and foremost. We all have good and bad points to consider. I don't care who you are, this is true. You can be the most famous actor, actress, model, CEO, most popular guy in school, the Homecoming Queen, it doesn't matter, they all have flaws.
I must be careful, how I proceed here, so you do not perceive, what I say as shallow or, thinking on the surface. One of the greatest tools at your disposal is your own perspective and if you can look at things, in a realistic manner, you may always use this to put things into perspective;
Find the most gorgeous woman, a picture, movie, whatever and study it. Now, look for the flaws. Let me point out, in any given situation, if you look for flaws, in a person or situation, you will find it. Maybe this actress has weird feet or a strange nose? Her body is really long and one of the most common things, for most of us women, with the real McCoy; one breast is bigger than the other. I could go on and on, couldn't I? Even the appearance of perfection, whether it's a man or woman, is not real.
Even the most well rounded person, perfect appearance and so on, has imperfections, flaws and fears. Quite often, these over achievers, have emotional baggage that would cause any baggage handler to run. We all have fears, quirks, idiosyncrasies and plain old weird habits. Not one person, on the face of this earth, has their shit together, completely. No One!!!
Having said all this, I want to make it clear to you, that I am not telling you to go around finding flaws, except to find perspective.
If you feel good about yourself, people will know it and you will shine. You own the secret. Now, look in the mirror and realize that you are noteworthy. You have a lot to offer. You have beautiful eyes, a wonderful sense of humor, a curiosity for life and you are a genuine person. No, you are not a fake or a golddigger, you are a stand-up woman, who cares for others and your loyalty, once you have given it, is unsurpassed. I see that you are not beautiful and this bothers you. Let it go because you are pretty inside and out. You are actually, quite the catch.
Your only real down fall, has been to emulate the wrong kind of people and you are a worrier. You've been envious of the wrong things. You cringe, every time, you think about that guy. Let it and him go, you didn't fail, he did because he didn't see you, as you really are. He seemed like he was all that but he isn't and never will be. He did you a favor, breaking up with you. He is a bottom feeder and not worthy of a good woman. Yes, you are a good woman.
Put on your Bitch Belt, tomorrow morning. The transformation will begin, when you begin to be kind to yourself and stop worrying about what people think of you. Be kind, think before you speak, appreciate what you have, as you've not always been grateful, have you?
I'm not sure, he's the one. If you begin to put yourself into perspective, begin to be comfortable in your own skin, become a little more assertive, less chatty, things will fall into place for you. The gleam in your eye will speak for you.