This was sent to Aunt Babz via email...
Now, before I get to answer the real bottom line question, I would like to remind you that you are human and totally capable of making errors when it comes to love and life. So really, don’t take this as a “you are stupid” thing because you are not. You are human. I have a few things to say that might just shock the hell out of several people, so bare with me.
First, I think you already know what you want to do, which is to have your present partner leave and to continue your life. Not even going into the rest of the details here, I am saying this to you – you owe her to be strait up on your intent. Her life, no matter how messed up it is, is still hers. And without you releasing your self from that equation she will never move on, and you are holding her back as much as she is you.
You don’t, however need to get into the thick of things with her. Now this is where the opinions get fired… but in my honest opinion, I wouldn’t tell her about Mr.Mexico. There are three really good reasons:
- depending on the state you live, she could be deemed as your common law spouse and you will lose your shirt for an affair.
- Not that is was outright said, but I gather you are of a same sex relationship. If that is what I am reading, and you have found love in an opposite sex… you are going to scar her for life. AND, once again if you are common law status you will be screwed for malice.
- No matter what the circumstance was leading to the affair, the bottom line is that you don’t want to live like this, and YOU NEED TO STICK TO YOUR GUNS!!
The point here is that there is obviously a disconnection from you and this girl, to the point that it is ruining both of your lives. That my friend is what is called an “unhealthy relationship”. And you are doing her absolutely no favors by ‘sticking it out’. In fact.. you are being an ass. Don’t take that too personally now, just think about it in the reverse for a minute and you will see that the exact feelings that you were wishing from her all these years is what you are denying her to have now with a partner that is 100% dedicated to the relationship. Because that is obviously not you anymore. You are done, and I assure you… reading what I read, you are done. You do not love her, and you need to let her find her love as much as you need to carry on with your life. So when you get into that argument of staying together or breaking up, make the same statement in your head over and over YOU ARE DONE. Period.
If she causes that much of a problem, and you fear that you may be in some sort of harm.. then I suggest you find some manor of reinforcements. I get the feeling that the girls problem is simply not having anything to go to. More specifically, a place to stay and mooch. I’m not saying that you have to do this part now… but I would maybe look around and find her a place to stay. I would get another person to go with you to your house, and tell her that this is it. You are done, and she has to leave. Tell her that you have a place in line if she wants to take it, but the choice infallibly has to result in her leaving. You cannot live like this, you will not live like this, and she desirves to live better as well. Creating a hell hole is easy to do when two people are not into each other. And being scared is no reason to justify staying (this I say to you as well).
But like I said, you don’t have to do that… but it might make things easier to (and excuse this expression) be rid of her, if her main hang up is your financial support.
Now, I am adding this part in for concern, but what do you know about Mr.Mexico?? I am telling you now, that the break up between you and your current partner should not be in whole due to this man. You should still break up, that is obvious. But this man… take your time okay? After you mother passing, the ex breakup, and then this.. well it’s going to be like an extended grieving period. You haven’t been able to fully enjoy being alive, being happy. And even though this man may extend to you the very fiber of bliss… just take it easy. I’m not saying that he isn’t “for real”… but it has been in my experience that sometimes you are in just such a low place, that you do not see the flaws when this brilliant light of happiness comes along.
Let us know how things go, and write back if you need any support. Good luck.