Saturday, September 27, 2008
Dear Aunt Babz,
Hello I am a 36 year old married mom of four children....Three here on earth and one baby that I lost
last year due to a stillbirth. I took the loss very hard and still today very hurt and just plain refuse to
have peace until I hold another baby in my arms. Of course the new baby will not replace my beautiful girl
that i lost. I lost her at 6 months along in pregancy.
I am wondering if you have a feeling of when this might be? I have a couple of health problems that can
probally be fixed with my own help. Like losing weight.
I have had a couple of dreams that imply that i will be pregnant again but do not know what to do with the dreams.
I have had a few dreams in my life that lead me in a way but i have no guidance as to how to get there.
If you have any feelings on this it would help so much.
Tori from Tn.
Dear Tori from Tn.,
I pray before or as I write these answers. I pray for wisdom and words but let me make it clear to you that I do not nor will I ever claim to be a psychic. I do believe that God has given me the gift of Discernment and Intuition as well as an ability to put things in some sort of perspective. I write what I feel, what the "Small, Still Voice," tells me. Other than that, well, I just want you to understand that I am not a psychic.
I'm sorry for your loss and pray for your timely healing. I can only imagine how difficult it has been for you? They say that time heals all wounds but I can also imagine it's rather hard for you to see or feel that right now? Again, I pray for your healing and understanding that all things happen for a reason and our God is a merciful God. He knows what He is doing and I pray that all will be revealed to you as you heal from your loss. I pray that you realize, as well, that your child is sitting beside Jesus, cozy and loved beyond understanding. You must stand on this faith, in order to embrace your loss. Selah
As I stated in the top of this post, I try to write what that small still voice tells me. My firm belief is that it is the Spirit of God. I realize now, post haste and in retrospect that a major portion of my life could have had an alternate ending had I listened to the Spirit. But I did not listen and I fell. I fell hard but am now able to look back and see that that gentle voice was there all along. You must listen for the answer too.
It is reiterated to me over and over, as I write this to tell you what I hear. I have been thinking about all this for a couple of days and it's quite possible that I delayed answering you so I would find/hear an answer, as I do not take your question lightly. I feel your pain and I do not not presume to have an answer for you but merely suggestions...
Your days shall be filled with the joy your three children bring you. Your time and attention shall not be divided by another. These three will fulfill your expectations but there will be some struggle. Thus, you should not be taxed, your attention divided again and again. Your life will become redefined several times. It will not be easy along the way. Your energies will be tapped and health issues might drain you further. These three will need you and it will be because of you that they will become wonderful people. They may not be what the world calls or defines as success in a monetary aspect but they are and will be good, well rounded children, individuals who know they are loved. They will know the true meaning of love. They will have a complete sense of family.
You will be torn as to what is important in your life and what defines you, similar to what you are going through now. But it is these three which make your life worth living. Because you kept things in perspective, they will each, after their own journey, find a new found respect and adoration for you. With their maturity, they will begin to visit their own past with a fondness. They will not only love you but like you and enjoy your company. You will be The Matriarch...and when your days are numbered, you will be surrounded by many, many who think you are just the cats pajamas.
Keeping It Real,
As you may or may not know I am pregnant. With this comes a lot of need for knowledge, which has made me search for all sorts of things pregnancy related. So I am going to try and answer your questions the best that I can, but I would strongly urge you to connect with a support group or a healer because what you have gone through is very painful, very hard, and very emotional. You do need support to come through this, and I think finding a support group would help you immensely. Losing a child at any stage is traumatic and I can understand the feeling of needing to have a baby when you were so looking forward to being a new mom again. But I will caution you, that this may not be the best time for becoming pregnant again. You may need some more time to digest what has happened and to be fully equipped mentally to face another pregnancy, which also may have complications. Only you can decide that for sure, but I would advise you to talk this over with your spouse and think about it for a little while before you rush into anything. Also, your body may not be equipped yet to handle another pregnancy. Sometimes when women undergo a D&C (I am assuming you had this done) the uterus is very strained and cannot catch or hold to a fertilized egg or embryo. So make sure that you have had a pap test and pelvic exam to ensure that your body is ready to try again. Dreams are a funny tool (some would argue) because they open our eyes to things that we want or need in our lives. And sometimes they are manifestations of things we wish were truth. Differentiating between those two things is tricky business, and it is easy to be caught up in dream world when the results are positive. But my thinking on dreams is this: they are our mind at play. Sometimes they can lead us to do the things that we need to do, but often (and I believe in this case) they are representative of things we wish we had. Dreaming positive things like this is not harmful, but taking these dreams as signs of hope can be. Please do not take this the wrong way because I know you are still in pain, but you need to get your head out of the dreams, and talk with your family doctor or a specialist about the realism of becoming pregnant again. That would be the best option. A doctor can tell you what you need to do to become pregnant, would monitor the pregnancy (especially so since you have lost a child in pregnancy) and can tell you when you need to be more careful (things like bed rest and light stress should be listened to.). I would also like to tell you of a few sites that can help you on your way in regards to the emotional side of what has happened to you and also getting pregnant again.
http://www.babycenter.com/0_coping-with-pregnancy-loss_4006.bc http://www.birth.com.au/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=30 http://www.mothers35plus.co.uk/losing.htm http://www.webmd.com/baby/pregnancy-loss-neonatal-death
I do hope the very best for you and your family. Take care of yourself, and your body.