Thursday, September 4, 2008

Nip It In the Bud

hello aunt b,
my boyfriend is always getting mad at me he thinks im cheating on him and every time i go out with my family he says that im going out with some other boy and it pains me to hear this cuz i don't want him to think that about me. i need to know if this sounds like he loves me or not?


broken hearted

Dear Broken Hearted,

Nip this behavior in the bud now or forever put up with it. OK, it's like this; he may have been burned in a past relationship? If he has, he needs to be reminded that you are not her. You need to express to him how badly this makes you feel, badly enough for you to write me, huh? If you've done nothing and given him no good reason not to trust you, then he needs to do one of two things; keep his baggage/trust issues to himself or give you at least the chance to prove him wrong.

Again, if you've never done anything to make him suspect, why is he treating you like this? You need to ask him? You also need to explain to him that it is not fair to you to be treated as he has. I warn you that most guys who act that this are very controlling. For him to act all weird even when you are going with your family, well, it's just not normal and he needs to look at his behavior.

Sit down and talk to him and find out exactly why he is so untrustworthy. But you must assert and make it very clear to him that you can not and you will not continue in a relationship where, for no good reason, he treats you as if you've done something wrong.

Now, here's the kicker; if you can not sit him down and talk to him about all this, if you are fearful that it will upset him if you mention it and if you feel that you can not talk to him and get to the bottom and the root of this whole situation...
you do not have a healthy relationship.

You must be able to talk about everything, including what his issues are that make him feel why he does. You must have trust in every relationship. If it is not there and you are being constantly accused, eventually, if it were me, I'd get real tired of defending myself and resentments would build.

Don't go another minute in a relationship and not make your feelings heard. See, trust is something we give as a gift to those we love. We trust them to love us, to be mindful of our feelings and emotions, we trust them to treat us as they'd want to be treated. We must give this gift freely and where there is no trust there in lies chaos, paranoia and pain.

Love and trust go hand in hand. You make sure you give him no reason to not trust you, like don't be flirtatious and don't place yourself in any situation that you would not want him to be in as well, i.e., going to a party or the beach, you know, any place you wouldn't want him to go without you.

If you go out with your family and you are doing nothing wrong, he's being weird and it's not right. Nip it in the bud!

Keeping It Real,

Aunt Babz

Hi Broken Hearted,

Your boyfriend gets mad at you because he thinks your cheating on him when you're not? Well he shouldn't be doing that, he definitely needs to learn to trust you. You should tell him he needs to learn to trust you. Honestly, I can't tell you if that sounds like he loves you or not. I don't know enough to say whether or not he loves you. He really shouldn't get mad at you based on what he thinks, especially because he's incorrect with what he thinks. I don't like that he gets mad at you over that though. I will tell you, to me it does not sound like he does not love you, it just sounds more like he has trust issues that he should work on. But I think that he just needs to learn to trust you, and not get mad, and you'll be good!

I hope I have helped you out, a little bit at least. I hope it all works out for you for the best.


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