Thursday, March 26, 2009
Dear Aunt B,
Hi, O.k, this is just a bit wierd, but any help would be very much appreciated, as I am very much the agony aunt of my friends, but from whatever way I look at this, I can't find a solution.
I am currently with a fantastic guy, he loves me, and I truly think we are soulmates, we were finishing eachothers sentences when we had only just met, and continue to baffle our friends and relatives with our ability to be on the same wave length. He knows what I want with out me having to hint or anything, as if he can read my mind. It's great :)
However, for some reason, I can't stop thinking about his ex girlfriend...I know. It's weird. They didn't go out very long, and they are still close friends, he has always been open about there friendship, I know for a fact, nothing would ever happen between them again. Ever, they have both moved on. He has said he feels like he 'messed her up' which, as he thinks the world is on his shoulders, I know he feels like he has to help her whenever he can as a result, (especailly as she has a tendency to burden him with her issues). I am generally a secure, none obbsessive or jelous person. Although I once had a dream where he kissed her infront of me and acted completly out of character to normal life, it really upset me, but it was so surreal, does this mean anything? I really don't get it, I can't help thinking where she is and what she does. I just want to stop thinking about this. It's stupid. I know it's natural to feel uneasy about the one you love having been with someone else, but he's really comfortable telling me anything about it, and I know if he knew, he'd say: that's crazy, I love YOU, she's just a mate...so why am I loosing sleep over this? ...on some level I think it may be because I could never imagine myself being such close friends with some one I went out with, maybe I just don't understand. I dunno. She was also snide an cold towards me the first couple of times I met her, and seems to only of just come round to being friendly...in fact she said I was awesome the last time we were all together. So why can't I stop thinking about her?? PLEASE help. So confused :S
Thanks for posting your question. I am from the old school of thought, that intuition is more than it seems to be. In other words, you evidently harbor some doubt about your boyfriend's loyalty to you, in regard to this ex girlfriend you speak of. So, perhaps you have a reason to feel this way. My advice to you is that you stop doubting yourself and cease putting yourself down over it. It's best to be open about your feelings, and see what transpires in the days to come. I think your questions, in time, will be answered that way.
I hope this helps, and thanks again, for asking advice................
I will also answer this asap...
Sorry for the delay in answering you.
The title to this post speaks volumes, for one. Always rely on your Intuition and it will never steer you wrong.
I think it's safe to say that the vast majority of women would most certainly side with you. The point to make is simple; Would your current fella want you doing the same thing with one of your ex's?
My own Intuition tells me that this woman is not to be trusted and I can actually see her taking great pleasure in the fact that she still has your man wrapped around her little finger.I somehow feel she uses his kindness, his gentle nature and without him even realizing it, she plays head games in her twisted ploy to keep him in check. And you can tell him I said so.
Having said that, my advice to you would be to simply sit him down and let him know that this entire situation makes you uncomfortable. I believe you when you say it's not a matter of jealousy. However, your fella needs to understand that it's just not proper no matter how adult we want to act, especially if their relationship was of a sexual nature.
You explain to him that it's also not a matter of trust, as you trust him...it's her that you can not define...it's her that you don't trust. That is human nature. He could reassure you till the cows come home but yet again, you don't know her like he knows her, which by the way says it all.
My suggestion is a campaign to begin distancing himself from her. I know this much; If I told my man that the whole damn thing makes me uncomfortable, is a thorn in the side of your good relationship then I do believe he needs to heed the warning. And it's not an unreasonable request.
Her life is her life and the time has come for them to part ways. He has done what he has done out of guilt. She is taking advantage of the situation and his good nature. It needs to stop. She is extremely manipulating and I just happen to know she gets extreme pleasure out of making you uncomfortable.
In the event I am right, (and I'm betting that I am)don't you think he needs to stop being used and abused and move on to a healthy and happy relationship with the one woman who loves him enough to have put up with this bozo bull, one who cares enough to have sought counsel in order to make it all work?
Now...I'm betting on you!
Keeping It Real,